Creationist
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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A creationist is someone that maintains that 150 years of consistent, peer reviewed, tested and retested scientific data produced by thousands of people who spent much more than $1200 and 2 months of "studying" to get a PhD are all wrong and that Earth and life were not created by a slow but observable process over millions of years but by an infinitely knowing, loving, and powerful, yet seemingly indecisive and possibly bipolar deity in less than a week.
Generally, creationists will argue that evolution (and pretty much everything else that people didn't pull out of their asses and called "scripture" at least 100 years ago) is false, because it hasn't been proven and because everything could not have spawned from nothing. Therefore creationism is correct, because it makes far more sense that an omnipotent super human created everything from nothing 6000 years ago by talking, and everything was already finished in that instant, including life, and this is all proven true because it was in a book written by people who where raving mad from syphilis and wigging out on spoiled grain. Evolution is well acknowledged as a scientific fact, even by most christfags. Creationists, however, would bathe in their own shit if the Bible or Kent Hovind told them to do so.
One of the many repercussions of being of this brand of Christfag is that your career choices are limited to either harassing customers about Jesus at the grocery store you push carts at or conning people out of their money by completely making shit up and calling yourself a scientist until eventually getting partyvanned for fraud.
Contents |
Creationist Education
Here is the 'How Do You Know if you are a Creatard?' Test:
- Are science, logic, observable data, and rationality completely and utterly incorrect?
- Is God--
and Harry Potter(Christians hate Harry Potter)--correct? - Do I have a Doctorate from an unaccredited, Christian diploma-mill?
- Am I from the South?
- Am i rite?
If you answered 'Yes' to any of the above, you are a Creatard. Well done! Buy shares in tinfoil hats.
Unintelligent Design
Some creationists call themselves "proponents of intelligent design" and pretend to understand science. Here is your test!:
- Was the world created 6,000 years ago?
- Can you prove this assertion using carbon-dating and the fossil record?
If you answered 'Yes' to both of the above, you are either lying or painfully ignorant. Modern science has obviously been pwnt by cave-dwelling sheep-fuckers from at least 100 years ago, and you're going to prove it by using modern science!
Creationist Beliefs
- Stalin, Hitler, Mao, and Pol Pot were atheists and therefore evolutionists (and therefore atheists).
- The Flintstones is a documentary.
- The Holocaust happened due to atheism, fags and Darwinism.
- Bill O'Reilly is right about everything.
- Karl Marx was a Nazi.
- Darwin was responsible for 9/11.
- The Earth is a flat disc that the Sun and the whole universe revolve around.
- If you believe in evolution, you must be an atheist and therefore you worship the Devil. You are also a Nazi, a Communist, a liberal, a fag, and a Democrat.
- Darwin was a Nazi, a Communist, a liberal, a fag, and a Democrat.
- All dinosaurs were vegetarians.
- It's okay to fuck your parents because the Bible says so in Genesis 19:30-38
- Evidence is for fags.
- The Holocaust never happened.
- Evolution is wrong because monkeys don't give birth to human beings and because there's no such thing as a Crocoduck.
- Without the bible, everyone would be killing, stealing, smoking crack, and raping each other in the street.
- God hates fags.
- Darwin believed in God and therefore made everything up.
- HIV doesn't cause AIDS.
- The dinosaurs were all killed in the The Great Flood
- Satan planted all the fossils on the Earth to turn us away from Jesus.
- God planted all the fossils on the Earth to test our faith.
- The moon landing was faked.
Strategies And Scare Tactics
The Copypasta
Do not mess with Creationists. True story, I go the YMCA across from this Church in Brooklyn. One day me and my dudes are walking down Hunter Ave and a bunch of these Bible-blaring men and women come out and tell us "why are wearing shorts above our knee!!!!". Well, we just played basketball so what do you expect? Then they give us these pamphlets with Jesus quotes and all that. My dude throws it away right when this big fat lady gives him one (mind you, she was slow at passing them out). She gets so mad and, then and there, BEATS the shit out of him with her fat hand and he giant bible that is shaped like a prick!
So I run home and call the police. They didn't believe me so I got my mom on the line, but before that I had to tell her:
So then my mom got scared and said "you’re moving with your auntie and uncle in bel-air"
I whistled for a cab and when it came near the Licensplate said "fresh" and had a dice in the mirror If anything I could say that this cab was rare But I thought now forget it, yo home to bel-air
I pulled up to a house about seven or eight And I yelled to the cabby "yo, home smell you later" Looked at my kingdom I was finally there To settle my throne as the prince of bel-air
Spot the Troll
As creationists come up with (and believe) the most ridiculous arguments it's not always easy to tell whether they actually believe such bullshit or whether they are trolls in disguis. You be the judge.
 The username is a bit of a giveaway. |
 Which is good news for certain people. |
||
 Conservapedia's article on creationism . . . |
 And their article on evolution. |
Satan Invented Evolution!
The reason why evolution exists, according to this intellectual genius named VenomFangX(more like VenomFAGX, amirite?), is not because some old guy thought it up. No, it was Satan!! Satan started evolution in the Garden of Eden, who told Eve everything in order to further his plans for world domination. Also, VenomFangX states that scientists just merely thought up the idea from their imagination that all Hu-Mans are related to either dogs or bananaz, or sporks, and that we are all idiots for reading books. Though Creationists, such as VenomFailX, fail to realize that this argument is flawed, since furries exist.
Videos
Creationists are usually completely incapable of handling rejection and critique of their ideas. As such, they are virulent proponents of censorship. This ranges from banhammering to filing false DMCA claims in order to "do it for jebus"
| Too much bullshit in one video, get the plunger.
DMCA ABUSE New form of Creationist Censorship. Proof of Intelligent Design: Creation science experiment: |
|
Previous Video | Next Video |
VenomfangX, a well-known creatard who has used such strategy against thunderf00t. Another more recent strategy is to now use votebots, which votes down a youtube video. This tactic of course sparked some outrage and backfired, causing more people to be aware of their dirty tricks than before.
So in conclusion, creationist tactics usually end up with alot of fail. Let's recap;
Video gets voted down using votebots
- Video is viewed less
- They have less chance of being seen as wrong.
Christfags think it stops here...
The next steps are...
- People hear about the votebots
- People ALL react with anger and vote videos back up
- The message is spread to MANY more people than it would have reached.
- The tactic backfires and they are even worse off than if they hadn't been a jackass.
SPECIAL MENTION: www.darwinism-watch.com
Darwinism-watch is a site which makes youtube creationists look logical and rational. Part of the reason it is so retarded is because the creator of the site is a strange mutation of double-lolcow, being both a creationist and a raghead. One also has to ask why a site which hates evolution so much decorates it's banner with images of Charles Darwin and fossils.
 They look like us, act like us, laugh like us - how can people think we are related?! |
 The section describing the creator's stint in a mental hospital. |
 There are no differences between old fossils and today's animals - which is why creationists all look like apes. |
 "In order to prove the coelocanth is a lie, I shall show you a living specimin." Yes that is really what he is daying. |
Proof the Site owner is Batshit insane
- Unbelievably there are eight pages (that's right - EIGHT!) dedicated to the the author's life. This does not sound unusual - except for the section where he was declared medically and legally insane.
- He also freely admits the concain scandal he was involved in
- There is a page dedicated solely to pictures of himself
- He has three pages from his livejournal saying what a wonerful person he is.
- He seems to be completely paranoid - endlessly bitching about opression in the way only a muslim can.
Related Sites:
- Darwinismrefuted.com
- About the site creator, who is busy rubbing his e-penis in the hope of cumming like a big boy one day
See also:
- Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed
- Purelily
- Facts
- The Burden of Proof
- Creation Science
- VenomfangX
- Way of the master
THE PROOF OF GOD THE LOONY LEFT DOESN'T WANT YOU TO SEE
EVILUTIONISTS TRY BUT THEY CANT WIN!
- http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/id/program.html Epic fail! Atheists just don't get it!
- Why do people laugh at creationists?
- Major Creationist PWNAGE
| Creationist
| Science Theory
Albert Einstein • Bill Nye • Theoretical physics • God • Existence • Evolution • Global Warming • Memes • Richard Dawkins • Computer Science III • Large Hadron Collider • Apophis • How is babby formed? • The Comprehensive Theory of Lulz • Schrödinger's cat • Zero Division Proven by Science Cubic Time • God hates fags • JEWS DID WTC • No girls on the internet • Raelism • Scientology • Trepanation Science in Action Drugs! • Sex! • Creationism! • Fire! • Uranium! • Lens flare! • Diabeetus! • Heart! • Electricity!
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