Creationist

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Note: This article will never be as funny as the truth

Essentially, a Creationist is just a fan girl with more political power.

Here is the 'Am I A Creationist?' Test:

Are science, logic, observable data, and rationality, completely and utterly incorrect?
Is God correct?
Do I have a Doctorate from an unaccredited, Christian diploma-mill?
Am I from the South?
Am i rite?
????
Profit!

Typical Creationist logic

What creationism does to the public school system.

FUCK!

Even retards are smarter than you.

Proof that evolution is a Lie!!111.

The gospel truth!!111.

If you answered 'Yes' to all of the above, you are a Creationist. Well done. Buy shares in tinfoil hats.

Some creationists call themselves "proponents of intelligent design" and pretend to understand science. You will need an alternate test:

Was the world created 6,000 years ago?
Can you prove this assertion using carbon-dating and the fossil record?

If you answered 'Yes' to all of the above, you are an ID proponent. Modern science has obviously been pwnt by cave-dwelling sheep-fuckers from at least 100 years ago, and you're going to prove it using modern science!

1 The Copypasta
2 Satan Invented Evolution!
3 Creationists' beliefs
4 Interesting Facts From Fundamentalists
5 Interesting Facts From Scientists
6 See also:
7 THE PROOF OF GOD THE LOONY LEFT DOESN'T WANT YOU TO SEE
8 EVILUTIONISTS TRY BUT THEY CANT WIN!

[edit] The Copypasta

Do not mess with Creationists. True story, I go the YMCA across from this Church in Brooklyn. One day me and my dudes are walking down Hunter Ave and a bunch of these Bible-blaring men and women come out and tell us "why are wearing shorts above our knee!!!!". Well, we just played basketball so what do you expect? Then they give us these pamphlets with Jesus quotes and all that. My dude throws it away right when this big fat lady gives him one (mind you, she was slow at passing them out). She gets so mad and, then and there, BEATS the shit out of him with her fat hand!

So I run home and call the police. They didn't believe me so I got my mom on the line, but before that I had to tell her:

So then my mom got scared and said "you’re moving with your auntie and uncle in bel-air"

I whistled for a cab and when it came near the Licensplate said "fresh" and had a dice in the mirror If anything I could say that this cab was rare But I thought now forget it, yo home to bel-air

I pulled up to a house about seven or eight And I yelled to the cabby "yo, home smell you later" Looked at my kingdom I was finally there To settle my throne as the prince of bel-air

[edit] Satan Invented Evolution!

The reason why evolution exists, according to this intellectual genius named VenomFangX(more like VenomFAGX, amirite?), is not because some old guy thought it up. No, it was Satan!! Satan started evolution in the Garden of Eden, who told Eve everything in order to further his plans for world domination. Also, VenomFangX states that scientists just merely thought up the idea from their imagination that all Hu-Mans are related to either dogs or bananaz, or sporks, and that we are all idiots for reading books. Though Creationists, such as VenomFailX, fail to realize that this argument is flawed, since furries exist.

Too much bullshit in one video, get the plunger.

[edit] Creationists' beliefs

Sowjet Union broke due to atheism
Classes on Flintstones should replace biology.
Holocaust happened due to atheism
Sigmund Freud was a Nazi
Karl Marx was a Nazi
If you believe in evolution, you must be an atheist and therefore a Nazi. Also, you rape babies
Nietzsche was a Nazi
All dinosaurs were vegetarians
It's okay to fuck your own sister
Evidence is for commies
Jews did Holocaust lulz
Without the bible, everyone would be killing, looting and having butt sex.
John Beatle and other hippies died due to atheism
God hates fags
The dinosaurs were all killed in the Deluge
Satan (or evolutionists, according to some) planted all the fossils on the Earth.
On Atheism: "Atheists believe that the galaxy exploded from nothing, and exploded at least 100 more times, and that made the galaxy over 9,000 times bigger. Then a whole bunch of people had secks, and had deformed babies un till they made you. Although this seems dumb, it's obvious they are right because they say so."

[edit] Interesting Facts From Fundamentalists

The future looks promising for the human form. But you can avoid this by destroying the One Ring instead of holding onto it for 500 years.

Evolution is incorrect.
~~Hitler believed in evolution, further demonstrating that it is incorrect. Furthermore, the 50 Hitlers post believed in evolution 50 times, thus proving it is 50 times incorrect. And also wrong.~~ DISREGARD THAT I SUCK COCKS! Hitler was a creationist.
No missing links have been found. Once scientists find a missing link, it is no longer missing. Hah, get around that, Chucky D!
According to a highly valid historian named Lady Hope, Darwin wanted to permanently delete his theory from the livejournal page that is the scientific community and go back to Christianity. When she asked if he had anything to confess, Darwin gave up evolution and returned to Christianity. As he was about to die, Darwin struggled to find a way to make God understand why he had done what he did before facing judgment. It is reported that as he finally slipped away, he could be heard whisper: "I did it for the lulz"! The reason Lady Hope is considered so accurate was that she promptly published her story 33 years after Darwin's death.
Furries disprove evolution.
Non-living matter has never been observed changing into a living organism which would be necessary for evolution.
They have terrible grammar.

Proof of Intelligent Design:

That solves the issue of getting good organ donors.

[edit] Interesting Facts From Scientists

A furry scientist investigating evolution

How it all went down.

Darwin was very likely correct. Fundamentalist Christians, however, are incestuous idiots who are wrong about everything and allowing them to homeschool their children will result in the collapse of civilization
Proof of evolution can be easily obtained by announcing there will be a tidal wave, then counting how many people bring their whole family to the beach to see it.
LOOK AT FUCKING ROBIN WILLIAMS!
Proof of evolution: Look at 50 Cent. Apes and niggers both LOVE shiny things!
Evolution is believed by brilliant people like Richard Dawkins, TheAmazingAtheist, and over opinionated bitches who fuck nerdy dudes.
Creationists (cretinshits) all have small dicks.