Console Wars
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
| Warning!: Console Wars are IRRELEVANT because the best gaming platform has already been made. |
Currently enjoying a meme run-for-the-money on /b/, Console War is a fanboi battle royale (with cheese) that largely involves gaylord, n00b /b/tards shooping an original macro that compared PS3, XBox and Wii consoles to an FN FAL OSW, an M16 rifle, and a Supersoaker, respectively (seen here), with anything they see fit (or not, as is usually the case with /b/) along with other assorted faggotry. The whole thing is made doubly asstarded due to the fact that it doesn't fucking matter which company you pay to let you press the X button over and over. Much misinformation about the Console Wars is argued regularly on AVS. See gallery below for hilarity.
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The Consoles
The X-Box 360
The X-Box 360, also known as the X-BAWWWWWWW 360, is made by Microsoft and works as well as everything else it's ever made. It is the size of a refrigerator and has a giant glowing green button that's actually a robotic eye that the Illuminati monitors you with. X-Box fanboys are D students who like to blow shit up. X-Box fanboys are normally sad, unwashed losers whose commitment puts Trekkies, Star Wars geeks, D&D Nerds, otaku, cosplaying otaku tards, Wikipedophiles, people on LiveJournal, furries, voraphiles, goons, Scientologists, and you to shame. They form secret societies that conjugate in seedy message boards and discuss ancient occult secrets of which Halo is the coolest. Possibly the only lulz worthy console, due to the fact that you can troll Halo 3 fan boys by telling them that there will be a 9,000th Halo game. Jordan Kane is one of these people. He lives for the X-Box, but sadly, it doesn't live for him, as it is always breaking, making him extremely sad. The XCocks has such kickass games as Gears Of War, Mass Effect, and Fallout 3 (moar liek Queers Of Whore, Ass Effect, and Failout 3, amirite?), which all Ecks Bawks Tree Sickstee fans will fight to the death to defend.
The Playstation 3
Made by Japanese super-men to conquer the world, the Playstation 3, also known as the Gaystation Pee (hee-yuck, hee-yuck), which is also the size of a refrigerator, can also be used as a blender, toaster, cheese grater, bong, and time machine. Playstation fanboys form the community which tends to be populated by people who are full of sad, unwashed losers whose commitment puts Trekkies, Star Wars nerds, D&D Nerds otaku, cosplaying otaku tards, Wikipedophiles, people on LiveJournal, furries, voraphiles furries, goons, Scientologists, wiggers, niggers, spics, and you to shame. They form secret societies that conjugate in seedy message boards and discuss ancient occult secrets of which Final Fantasy is the coolest. The Gaystation 3 has such sweet games as Heavenly Sword, Lair and Resistance: Fall of Man (moar liek Heavenly Shit, TLairible and Reshitstance: Fall of Your Cock, amirite?), which all PS3 fans will fight to the death to defend. It should also be noted that most gaystation fans are either retarded black people, retarded fat white 13 year old boys who think they know what they're talking about or retarded fat asian children and if you even think one word of how the PS3 sucks with an arguement that would make you want 2 shoot ur fucking brains out. (Warning: Avoid PS3 fanboys, as they are possibly some of the stupidest people alive)
The occult broke away from Sony after Final Fantasy XIII became a multi-platform title. People were enraged by this sudden decision to release FFXIII on other consoles. Shortly thereafter the estranged fanbase returned to the Sony fold in order to sit around and scream about Metal Gear Solid ports while fingering their assholes to hentai pictures of Solid Snake.
The Gaystation 3 lowered its msrp from $9,001 to $300. But nobody will buy it for the holiday season, because it's so fucking huge, and that people already bought their Wiis and 360s long ago.
The Nintendo Wii
Nintendo releases a new crappy system every 25 seconds, and half the time it's just a lunchbox; Enter the Nintendo Wii, otherwise known as the Nintendo Piss. Nintendo executives know this doesn't matter because Nintendo games are as addictive as heroin and Nintendo's fanbase is full of sad, unwashed losers whose commitment puts Trekkies, Star Wars nerds, D&D Nerds otaku, cosplaying otaku, Wikipedophiles, people on LiveJournal, furries, voraphile furries, goons, Scientologists, gooks, wiggers, niggers, spics, John Lennon, and people who write Encyclopedia Dramatica articles to shame. They form secret societies that congugate in seedy message boards and discuss ancient occult secrets and which The Legend of Zelda is the coolest. The Wii has such awesome games as Metroid Prime 3, Super Smash Bros. Brawl, and Zelda: Twilight Princess (moar like Metroid Prime JEW, So Cash Hos BAWWWWWl, and Zelda: Twilight Faggot, amirite?), which all Wii fans will fight to the death to defend.
The Pokémon cult died last year due to poor ratings on newly released Pokémon games, it has returned to what it was originally, training n00bs to become ninjas with Wii-motes and plotting to take down the current leader in the console war.
Videos
The Sad (Yet Hilarious) Truth
No matter what any fanboy tries to tell you, this is probably the most-balanced console war evar. If you could only buy one console, all you have to do is look at the options and games, and pick the one that is best for you. That's all there is to it. Probably the biggest lulz to be had from this war is the fact that the war is completely pointless because the best game ever, Fantasy World Dizzy for the Commodore 64, has already been made. Even though Yahtzee made that joke like a million years ago
Gallery
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Console Wars is part of a series on Gaming |
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