Conficker

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

Avoiding infection by Conficker, for dummies

You wouldn't want pinworms crawling around in your rectum, so treat your computer with the same respect

Just as you should have safe sex, don't share USBs like a junkie would heroin needles.

Conficker also known as the venjix virus and swine flu is an epic virus which will raep your computer the moment your computer catches it. It has affected over 9000 computers since its release last Thursday. Due to the failure of Microsoft, it is infecting computers at a rapid rate and their shitty patches and antivirus programs cannot compete. Conficker is truly the AIDS of computer viruses, given its brutality - king of the computer worms just as AIDS is king of the STDs. There are many ways you can get Conficker, including through internet downloads and by sticking an infected USB into your computer's tight hole.

The name comes from the word 'configure' and the German word 'ficker', meaning 'fucker', as to fuck with your computer's configuration settings. The FBI have put out a $250K reward for information leading to the arrest of its creators.

The only way to fully safeguard against Conficker is getting Norton, which will pwn this shitty worm into oblivion, to be forgotten like the Y2K bug.

Things that Conficker does

• Controls the operations of your entire computer.
• Freezes your mouse and keyboard
• Wipes your hard drive
• All your passwords, credit card info, personal information leaked to Conficker's creators.

People and groups afflicted by Conficker

• The UK Government House of Commons
• The UK Naval Fleet
• UK MoD
• France
• Germany
• Your school
• Your university
• Your workplace
• Your mother
• You

When Conficker will hit again

• April 1, 2009. Be prepared!

NEVERMIND, WE WERE TROLLED.

Related Articles

• PIFTS.EXE
• Last Measure
• Freddie Mercury
• I GOT NORTON!