Communism

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In Soviet Russia, meme posts you.

Oh god, it's everywhere!

Papa Smurf, one of the first communists on television.

Now kids can play too!

Super Soviet!

“	Enough is enough! I have had it with this motherfucking bourgeoisie dissin' the motherfucking proletariat!	„
—Len(w)in on the purpose of his life in general.

Invented by a cabal of liberals at least 100 years ago, cummunism is the final form of liberalism, the arch nemesis of capitalism and some people say is the reason why America is #1 and why the rest of the world sucks. Under communism, there is no need for money, because all goods needed to support life are free, which by "free" means you never actually get what you need and the bastards at the Party bathe in your hard-earned cash. Ergo, that is why Communism failed: everybody loves money. When cavemen found the first ten dollar bill, found in the prehistoric form of a giant black monolith…money was freaking heavy back then, they fought to the death over who would get to keep it, despite the lack of a place to spend it (this well known fact has been used by Jewish theologians to assert that Judaism was indeed the world's first religion).

The Cubans claim to be communist, but never read the instruction manual, so they have no clue that they're doing it wrong. So, they (at least the smart ones) ride cars, doors, car doors, each other, or dolphins across the Gulf of Mexico into Miami. Well, all of them except for Black Cubans, Elian Gonzalez and Fidel Castro, because they love MSNBC a lot. Communism spawned places like Korea and Vietnam.

Although the U.S.S.R. collapsed, China is changing to capitalism, and Castro in Cuba is dying (likely because of AIDS), communism still thrives within the minds of leftarded hipsters and is still a point of intellectual debate. Most notably, ~~Wikipedia is communism!!!~~ (removed due to CONSPIRACY).

Theory

Screengrab from 1960's Post Cereals television ad provides proof of International Communism's insidious plot to push Marxism on America's children in the guise of crunchy breakfast treat.

Communists (apart from Yuri Gagarin) fail at life.

Theoretical communism is the natural conclusion of Christian Doctrine that suggests in an unregulated economic system of nearly-infinite goods production, everyone will play fair and nevar ask for moar evah, and God disappears because we have nothing to pray for. This differs from the fake Christianity of W and Sarah Palin where if you hate the right people God rewards you with gold and power. This new religion is obviously an extension of Judaism and will never become perfected into the final stage of man known as communism, rather everyone will just digress into Meth and Hookers.

Karl Marx was so furious that his rich Jew parents did not leave their colonial estate in their will to him (which was tended by mud races for him to deliciously mouthrape), he used communism to troll lower-class factory workers into spamming the ruling class for moar money. Commies got IRL banhammered all over Europe and many lulz ensued. When Germany helped arm the Great October Socialist Revolution in World War I to remove the Imperial Russian military threat from their Eastern Front so they could relocate those soldiers to curbstomp France. After killing anarchist heathens and pwning Adolf Hitler, the commies felt so validated that they haven't shut the fuck up since.

Communism is the most fucktarded religion ever because it is based upon the ideology that everyone is equal. However, it has been mathematically proven that white people > women > Asians > Jews >>>> niggers > fags > Scientologists > furries. The vast majority of adherents to communism are not only gay losers, but also paedos. All paedos love vodka. Russians love vodka. Therefore, Russians are paedos.

The Crucible

The Crucible was a story about dumb Christians killing people they believed to be possessed by the Devil. Based on Communism

The origin of the Crucible performed by faggots

How To Tell Who is a Communist

It's communism time!

A typical Wikipedia editor.

In America, you can always find a party. In Soviet Russia, the party finds YOU!

Communists are actually quite easy to identify. They do not believe in colors besides red, black and white, so any person seen sporting any other colors is definitely not a communist. Typical communists come in two flavors. The first kind are the poor college students either taking Political Science or Liberal Arts or some such shit, made obvious by their world weary expressions and distaste for anything they deem "unintellectual". Secondary yet ultimately phony communists include the "teenage" communists. They can be seen on Facebook or MySpace joining groups or pointing to communist flags. They usually don't know what the fuck they're talking about and are in the process of looking for another way to piss off their fascist, consumerist parents. Lulz.

Famous Last Words

Despite their misguided economic agenda and obviously misguided political agenda, commies are really good lays.

Practical communism is defined as the economic system, re-interpreted by Josif Stalin, in which the government owns everything and the government is owned by people who make your life hell. This makes it possible for the government to ban the game Monopoly. Anyone found with said board game will be sent to the gulags for "re-education". The last words Stalin said before he died were inevitably: 'I did it for the lulz'.

Karl Marx

Karl Marx posited Communism for the sole purpose of confusing Americans. Americans ruin everything, so Marx purposefully wrote books that contained the formula to eternal happiness (Marx knew that Americans are too stupid to read books or understand complex ideas, such as cake).

Marx's plan backfired, however, because he failed to consider the fact that Americans bomb everything that they don't understand. Thus, America now kills legitimate leaders who want the best for their people and country, and put dickhead dictators in their places. Once these dictators become too smart at capitalism they are promptly called communists by the U.S. Army. They are then killed and replaced by puppet governors who in turn become dictators. This cycle greatly slows down the spread of happiness and socialism around the world. The cycle also leads most people in the United States to believe that communism was invented by some short dude with a mustache, and that China is not a fuck-America-in-the-ass-until-it-begs-for-mercy-quasi-fascist state that originated from a populist movement.

Another issue stemming from the fact that the meaning of communism is contained within books is the American belief that communism is witchcraft. A puzzling symptom caused by this belief is the well documented American fear of presumably good things such as free health care, justice, and dignity.

As the world moves towards more socialized practices, just as Marx predicted, the United States is moving backwards and slowly devolving into the two types of stupid creatures depicted in the Time Machine. This is good, because while the United States might become uninhabitable, it will provide an eternal source of protein to the rest of the world.

Famous Communists

Yeah, but Mao was a faggot.

History and Leadership

Everyone's favorite commie dictator and his infamous stand-up routine!

Few realize that the current president of communism is John Lenin, winning 18 consecutive unanimous elections. Though Marx holds the copyright on communism, many credit Lenin with its distribution and popularity. In 1917, Lenin downloaded a hacked version of communism off Kazaa and copied it to some floppy disks (Blu-ray hadn't been invented yet) with some other snazzy programs like Banzai Buddy and Mac OS. When he offered the disks on eBay for 5 cents a pop, it became an instant hit, spreading across nations like China and Soviet Union which thought they were simply buying a picture of Fonzie from Happy Days straddling the crack smoker from the Dell commercials. When Marx found a copy of the disk, he summoned the RIAA and sued Lenin for copyright infringement, more commonly known as sharing. After some convincing testimony, Marx agreed to settle for $231 and an apologetic kiss on the cheek. Though many rumors have been spread hinting that Lenin might have died, they are highly unverified and have come from questionable sources.

Sexual Practice

Hepkitten, a well known supporter of groups with communist agendas, often dresses herself in erotic latex versions of communist uniforms. This is srsly A++ hot and more people should do it. Jesuitx also believes in the tenets of communism, as he was too young when the Soviet Union fell to realize how shitty it was.

The Typical Communist

The typical communist is a 13-year-old boy who has never paid a cent of tax in his life, other than with his parents' money. He doesn't trust the government, and naturally wants the government to be in charge of every facet of society. Wears a Che Guevara T-Shirt and a U.S.S.R. pin, both purchased from Hot Topic for 75 dollars. Thinks the entire human populace can effectively share all their resources to end poverty.

Most of these can be found on Wikipedia, deviantART and YouTube. When anything is criticized about communism a typical 13 year old boy reply will be "well lyk it ttly hasnt been done right yet!!11", usually hypocritical with previous evidence of said boy sucking Marx's, Engels', Lenin's and Stalin's cocks in screensavers or banners. They will usually hate Nazis and purelily with a passion but do not seem to mind the fact communism pwned at least 100 people. 97% of the Gaian populace is made of Commies. The other 3% consists of socialist, though, similar to Wikipedia or deviantART or any other site in the Interwebs, no body has the slightest fuck of what it is.

Non-juvenile communists - namely those making up the communist voting base and party officials - are mostly crusty, old ex-hippies who, unlike their counterparts who are now CEOs of companies, flunked out of college and are now working EXACTLY 40 hours a week (Marx help you if they should work a second of overtime) at the box factory or some other lame manufacturing sector job. This is ~~usually~~ to get more time off work to campaign, write gay zines, and be the token creepy old people at punk rock shows.

Benefits

A communist government is better equipped to fight zombies.
Bribery does not exist due to the absence of money.
Everyone is too tired to copulate from all the starving and working that the spread of aids is dramatically slowed.
If you like cocks in your ass, you'll feel like you have one in your ass 24/7.
Although the Final Boss of the Internet has not been determined, it has been determined that the Soviet Union was the final boss of IRL. Since the defeat of the Soviet Union, the world has jumped the shark.

Gallery La Revolución Comunista

Sex with Engels was much like being encased in the fat of a walrus.	Communism food system - largely involves butter, for building up blubber for those harsh, Russian winters.	The administrator for America's Communist Party.	Meet Communism Bear, proof that the Care Bears are indeed communist!
In Soviet Russia, Mudkipz liek u!	Suffering under the insufferable yoke of communism.	Modern day communist. Note the lack of consumer goods but abundance of industrial products and the general practicality of dress, emphasizing form over function.	Ex-KGB head and current Russian president makes a cameo appearance in James Bond: Fuck it, I quit.
Not just for Russians anymore.	Cute Russian cummunist.	Serious commie guy. Maybie Zangief.	Communism is as popular as Encyclopedia Dramatica