Chris-chan
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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Behold, the Mistake of God: Christian Weston Chandler.
Born February 24, 1982, Christian is a naïve, perverse, overweight, racist, pedophilic, homophobic, self-proclaimed "high-functioning autistic" virgin manchild, and creator of his own skillfully-drawn series of comics starring Sonichu - his supremely insightful crossover of Pikachu and Sonic. As well as "suffering" from autism, Chris also suffers from a terminal case of unwarranted self-importance, the only cure for which would be to remove his head from his consequently gaping ass. At the time of this writing, Chris has found neither the time nor the conviction to do so.
Other names for Chris-Chan include: CWC, クリスちゃん, Ricardo Weston Chandler, Ian Brandon Anderson, Ian Brandon Something, The Impostor, Sammy, Antonio, Solid Chris or any other lulzy names trolls can make up for him, which will make him throw a tantrum.
The most notable physical characteristic of Chris, beyond the obvious corpulence, is that he wears a crayola model magic medallion around his neck at all times in homage to his yellow Sonic re-color. In public. As if that weren't lame enough, Chris-chan actually has a shitload of medallions: The "Black Sonichu" medallion, and the "Rosechu" medallion (which he planned on giving to his sweetheart), suggesting that he has far too much free time on his hands. Which, of course, he does, because who the fuck would sit around on their fat ass all day coloring-in comic book pages if they had anything better to do with their lives?
Christian's hobbies include creating My Little Pony figures with his own pubes (including himself as a pony wearing a Sonichu medallion), stalking women at the mall, finding a "boyfriend-free girl" to "make into a Sweetheart from the ground-up", drawing (and actually uploading) pictures of himself having sex with multiple, racially diverse women, drawing porn of his hedgehogs, taking naked pictures of himself, and sexing up a blow-up doll named JULAY (which was originally sold as "Kimmi"). He also got into big trouble when his father walked in on him while he was masturbating. Chris really needs to grow up and sell his toys on eBay. However, no one will buy his shit, so a girlfriend-free faggot he remains forever more.
But it gets far worse, my friends...
Contents |
Chris in Person
It is of utmost importance that, before one ever enters a fixed one-mile radius around Christian Weston Chandler's Ruckersville, VA habitat, one is well-acquainted with the facts regarding this man's bleak existence, and the mortal and immediate danger that one's proximity to him represents, both to one's mental and physical well-being. In order to maintain his jaw-droppingly destructive lifestyle, as we will explore, Chris has had to sacrifice many of the normal human customs practiced in modern society, and seems to have synthesized an entirely new list of traits which he believes better-equips him to indulge in his trademark fantastical escapism via invented (read:stolen) comic book characters, blow-up sex dolls, and egomania. To wit:
- He rarely shuts up about Sonichu, the self-endorsed, self-authored and mind-numbing allegory of Chris's life, as viewed through his own massive, 1985-throwback rose-tinted glasses.
- His skin and hair is covered in a semi-permeable and self-renewing film of grease, not incomparable to an arctic permafrost of dead skin cells and sweat, proving definitively that he never showers.
- He wears recycled shirts from the Salvation Army and believes it's a cause for gloating. He really believes in recycling. That is, he really really really believes in recycling. He recycles everything.
- His scent is a combination of AXE and ASS (oversprayed, of course).
- He leaves the toilet seat up.
- HE CAN FEEL THE COSMOS!
- He is an aspie who is even hated by other aspies.
- In the event that you are able to speak with Chris, you should be prepared to encounter wave after wave of weak, juvenile aspersions cast in the hopes of making you forget just how abysmal Chris's life really is, along with creepy, probing questions about your personal life in regards to relationships with women. This is because Chris is still vainly searching for a girlfriend, years after first causing a shitstorm by walking into a local mall while in Community College, and advertising his desire for women via hand-held signage.
- He's also an animal fucker.
Lastly:
- Once he starts stalking a woman, he'll tenaciously track her down, even if she's really an IRL troll, a 4chan troll or just doesn't exist.
- He ALWAYS mentions he's a virgin when he meets women. (I'm dead serious.)
| —badgalexy on the ED forums |
IRL Stalker
On MySpace, Chris posted his quest for a "boyfriend-free girl" and his stalking tendencies. Unfortunately for him, every woman on the planet appears to have a boyfriend. This has led to what Chris dubs "noviophobia" — in Chris's bastardized highschool Spanish interpretation, he inserts "novio" which essentially means boyfriend, before latin root phobia, committing a facepalm-worthy portmanteau that is almost nonsensical enough to make you forget that of all things in the world, Chris has a paralyzing fear of boyfriends. Chris claims to hate every male besides himself and his father, because they "took all the pretty girls leaving [him] with no one to choose from".
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He employed his famous "looking for a boyfriend-free girl" sign in two places: the Fashion Square Shopping Center and Piedmont Virginia Community College. The dean, Mary Lee Walsh, reasonably assumed that Chris was publicly soliciting for sex, had the sign destroyed and banned him from the school for a year. Since then, he became obsessed with her and depicts her within his comic as a bald witch with a viking helmet, a pitchfork, a scepter to contain her evil anti-love powers, and occasionally a broomstick.
Chris has also shown his hatred towards Mary on several other occasions. He made a hilarious video asking for fictional character Harvey Dirdban's (not Birdman) assistance to fight "THAT EVIL BITCH MARY LEE WALSH FOREVAR!!1" in a contest for Adult Swim. He also made a video of him fighting Mary Lee Walsh as a custom character in Soul Calibur III. Despite his hate for Walsh, he still took the time with his Magic Markers to make hideous porn of her. You know you want to see it.
Chris's Love Quest was also foiled by Security Guards of Fashion Square Shopping Center. He was handcuffed and kicked out by Jerkops (half jerk, half cops) "for trying to attract a Boyfriend-Free Girl".
Christian claims to have started his ill-begotten love quest because he wants a daughter whom he will "dubly" call Crystal Weston Chandler (apparently after the illustrious metal). He made her in the form of one of his My Little Pony figures (from his own pubic hair, mind you), and made a separate file in the game Animal Crossing, and played as her.
The person we know the most about is Megan Schroeder (note the Jewish name, a sign that gold is involved), who had a huge influence on the comic and Chris himself. She remarked that the antagonist of one of the Sailor Moon movies came off as "kind of queer", possibly influencing Chris's homophobia.
One example of the Chris-induced drama is the blog entry where a girl describes her encounter with Chris as he was wandering stores in search of his true love in late 2004, which can be viewed here.
Chris changes love interests far more frequently than he changes his underwear; it is speculated that he has fallen in "true love" over 9,000 times. You could be next.
Trolled IRL
Trolling of Chris-chan has crossed the OL border into to IRL. Whether internet vigilantes are trying to expose him for the psycho stalker he really is or if they fap to picking on retards, it's uncertain.
- The Game Place, a store where he volunteered, was soon subject to his antics when anon took several photos of him. Nothing notable arose from this, other than mild lulz. CLICK here for Chris BAWWWing.
- An old classmate of Chris, Joshua Martinez, did some epic trolling. We don't actually know very much about Joshua, just a few key facts. Chris knew him from his old school (Joshua and Chris both had Special Ed together), recently met up with him again and was getting along fine. Apparently, Joshua was very popular with women and had met some famous celebrities. For some reason, Chris became extremely jealous and even tried to get ED to go after him. Note that Chris only values Joshua's friendship because he's popular with women, and that by being friends with him he might end up laid. Unfortunately for Chris, even other special education kids will fuck with him. The chick that Joshua was supposed to hook him up with was just Joshua trolling him with a picture of Vanessa Hudgens. CLICK HERE for Chris-chan unwittingly fapping to Joshua.
- A girl IRL, possibly unrelated to ED or 4chan, tried to troll Chris-chan for the lulz. CLICK HERE to see Chris-chan get taken down to 15%.
- Though trolling in this next case started online, it quickly moved into IRL. Chris had started a relationship with an e-girlfriend called Blanca. On September 11, 2008, another troll going by the same name was really a black man in a pickle costume and managed to score horrific nudes. WARNING: What's seen cannot be unseen.
- Watch Chris masturbate. No, srsly don't do it. On October 7, 2008, Blanca managed to get the medallions and destroy them.
Chris Chan: Master of Race Relations
As a basement dweller from Bumfuck, Virginia, it's a huge surprise that CWC is very, VERY racist. On his blog, Chris denies his racism by stating he only dislikes Barack Obama for being an Arab terrorist, and: "It's the WHITE house; we don't endorse people painting it different colors around here." Chris also believes that 99% of the Earth is ruled by dictators. In several of his videos, he asked to meet non-boyfriended, non-black girls. You can find the racist blog of faggotry here: [1]
CWC vs. ED
Upon discovering this article on the 10th of November, Chris suffered a severe case of butthurt and declared war on every site mocking his faggotry. As with everything in his life, Chris failed.
At first, Chris tried tampering with this article while logged in as Reldnahc which is obviously "Chandler" (his last name) spelled backwards. Before erasing the entire article, Chris actually contributed by adding information that he hadn’t submitted anywhere else. Most of his additions were chunks of text from uncited sources which included how Megan “shattered his heart”, and printouts of the Sonichu News Dash: a shitty newsletter about his comic which he also distributed at PVCC that landed him in another apparent conflict with Mary Lee Walsh.
To make matters worse, he also uploaded Rule 34 of his own characters. All of his additions to the article can be found here
Later, when the context of the article finally dawned on Chris, he snapped. He created another account, Chris-chan, and tried blanking the page several times.
CWC blames Encyclopedia Dramatica for breaking up the relationship between him and Megan despite the fact that she was never his girlfriend. Just another lying attempt to make ED feel guilty about something.
In this video BALEETED, Chris congratulated all his non-existent Sonichu fans whom he mistakenly believed brought ED down and further urged them not to donate to ED while failing to realize that ED's downtime was due to an issue related to the website as a whole, and not related to any drama around his article.
Chris's plea for his fans to not donate to ED failed because the only people who pay any attention to Chris are precisely the ones who helped ED reach its donation goal Aug-14-2008.
CWC vs. ED Part Deux
Last Thursday, Chrissy posted a video onto the tubes declaring yet another war against his ED page, demanding that the page and discussion page be deleted, or else he wouldn't be making any more of his sweet, sweet comics for his fans to enjoy. He then stated that much like the old adage: "Too many cooks spoil the broth", ED had too many CROOKS. And that "every single word on his ED page was a crook".
After standing in an anime pose with his fist in the air, Chris then hulked the fuck out and proceeded to beat the shit out of a Raggedy Ann doll with a picture of Clyde Cash taped to its face, and that moar RAAAAAAAGE would follow if his ED page wasn't taken down posthaste.
The beast can be unleashed here.
CWCville
CWCville (Pronounced: Quick-ville) is Chris-chan's imaginary world. Considering how it's portrayed, its full name could be the Our Glorious Leader's True and Honest Lovers' City of CWCville, in a way similar to the Democratic People's Republic of Korea.
CWCville is actually two things: a fictional setting for the Sonichu comic, and Chris's long-ongoing pet project - many might call it a "happy place" and an imaginary refuge from the harsh reality. The two things overlap very much. It's sort of like his own personal Silent Hill - except that instead of being a twisted Hell full of violent rage and nightmare beasts, it's a disturbingly cheerful place where Chris's bouncy creations laugh, frolic, and fuck for his amusement exactly like Silent Hill. Characters are introduced without warning and fall by the wayside just as quickly; nobody's quite sure what becomes of them, but knowing Chris it probably involves anguished shrieks emanating from a love dungeon below the Mayor's house.
In the Sonichu comic book world, the town is allegedly located in the state of Virginia, but being a figment of Chris Chan's imagination, it will never be found on an actual map. Yet, in many ways, it seems the city is legislatively and economically cut off from the rest of Virginia and the United States. In this city, Chris Chan is a despotic mayor, where he controls everything at his own will and dictates new laws, granting him the basis of his megalomaniac tendencies.
Inside the comic, CWCville is at a fierce rivalry with neighboring city of "Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens." It is under constant attack from the evil forces of Dean Mary Lee Walsh and her army of Jerkops.
CWCville Elections
Around the same time these lulzy and exploitable events occurred, another unfunny gag started when some bright, intelligent member of YouTube decided to make a video declaring Billy Mays the new mayor of CWCVille. The only problem with the joke was that Billy Mays is now about as funny as Chuck Norris or a Mudkip macro on 4chan. Thus, "Billy Mays for Mayor of CWCville" became a meme with a shitload of videos trailing in its wake. If that weren't enough, the whole mock election expanded to other memes like Gordon the Pringles Giraffe and will soon spread to Pedobear for President and Chris Hansen for vice president (GET IT? IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE IT IS CONFLICTING AND THEREFORE HUMOROUS, SOMEBODY FUCKING DO THIS). Under the assumption that he'd be getting his PSN back, Christian stated that Billy Mays was in fact, mayor of CWCville. As always, Christian's reaction will only make things even worse, so be prepared for even more Billy Mays posters being plastered onto YouTube accounts.
June 28, 2009, just days after Michael Jackson died at age 50 of a heart attack, Billy Mays also died at age 50 of a heart attack. Despite being in his 80s, Jimmy Hill is still alive so he has been hailed as the new mayor of CWCville despite a rumoured attempted military coup by Chris.
Chris-chan the Moralfag
After seeing a hilarious episode of Family Guy, where Chris-chan didn't get that he was being parodied for his moralfaggotry, he decided to share his hatred of the gays with the Holy Bible. To do this, he quoted the book of Leviticus, which is the biblical equivalent of goatse, which reinforces how men should not engage in buttsecks lest they be smited to the pits of hell to be raped by the Devil and his minions for eternity (and also that men cannot shave, wear underwear with elastic straps, or crossbreed animals).
| —Chris, in the process of being both. |
Unbeknownst to Chris, prolific hater of all things not Christian, 89% percent of the users trolling Chris-chan are Muslims. In another blow to Chris's moral credibility, he also decided to pick up a book on how to talk to the opposite sex...written by a 9-year-old boy. As the kid wrote it on how to talk to girls of his age, party vans descending on Ruckersville are imminent.
Sex Life
His Sex Life (If you can call it that) includes, among other arousing phenomena, fucking an anime blow-up doll and screaming "JULAAAY!" at the top of his lungs.
| —Chris-chan, on sticking things up his butthole. |
Chris wrote to Nintendo Power in April of 2005 to discuss the DS game Sprung: A horrible dating simulator, and was overjoyed to discover that they published his email. According to him, it was a "free personal", and he expects that it being published will somehow increase his chance of finding a woman.
In both his videos and comics, he has shown contempt towards gays, constantly rambling on about how homosexuality is bad, and repeatedly stating that he is not gay. Despite these statements, Chris's sexuality remains questionable, as he owns a dildo and anal beads and rambles on about sticking things in his ass while he masturbates. In his list of people he would not date, he lists autistics, high functioning or otherwise. Thus, Chris is also a self-loathing flaming faggot trying desperately to stay in the closet. And we all know homophobes are closeted gays themselves.
Chris appears to be stuck in a strange, child-like mentality where he feels guilty when discussing sex. Because of this, he is forced to use different words, like "pickle" for dick, "hanky-panky" for sex, "boyfriend-free" for single, among other things. He started buying sex toys and porno videos back in 2006, and when discussing sex with other people (specifically Megan and a recent troll), he goes into intimate, almost scientific or educational detail. When Megan claimed to be uncomfortable with Chris discussing sex, Chris goes into full detail of how a handjob works and that he has learned everything he knows from pornography.
In recent audio recordings, we have discovered a lot about Chris's sexuality. Namely, he thinks that gender stereotypes, dirty talk, and cheesy lines like, "This might hurt a bit at first" are part of actual sex. One of the audio recordings has him describing his ideal "first time", which is intricate, overly dramatic and mildly retarded. This and many other disturbing things can be read here.
Chris-chan is also a fan of teh loli, as evident by his Rule 34 fan art of Dot Warner, Misty from Pokemon and Meg Griffin.
Gallery of Horrors
| Rule 34 | Fanart | Drawings | Trolling |
| Rosechu Nudes | |||||||||||||
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| Chris-drawn rule 34 | ||||||||||||
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| Chris-chan Noodz | ||||||||||||||||
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| Tranny | ||||||||
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| Fanart Gallery | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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| Sonichu Remade | ||||||||||||||
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| Original Art Gallery | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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| Medallion Get | ||||||||
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| Email Trolling | |||||||
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| EbaumsWorld | ||||
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Signs of Insanity
- Chris drinks his jizz for Ivy!
- Spank dat ass!
- Chrissy in the shower!
- Chris goes insane nude
- Chris makes love to his video game console!
See Also
- 4chan
- Aspierations
- Desperate
- Gοrdon the Pringles Giraffe
- fanboi
- Flardox
- Prince Jeremy
- Spax3
- Victim complex
- Fat
- Retarded
- Pathetic
- Virgin
- Dying Alone
- An hero we can always wait
- The Real Chris Chan
- Chris-Chan/Psychological_Report
Other Notable Retards with Sonic ReColors
- Blazesonic
- Chasethehedgehog
- Spax3
- Sonmanic (doesn't have a recolor, but still lol worthy none the less)
- Ulrichthehedgehog
Links
PROTIP If you wish to add a link, go here: Template:Chrischanlinks.
Stuff shat out by Chris-chan
- His NEW current youtube account
- His closed YouTube account
- His suspended YouTube account
- His abandoned YouTube account
- Backup YouTube channel for Chris-chan's videos
- His yidio account (YouTube for dummies.)
- Veoh account (he uploaded the Animal Crossing routine here, and the IMPORTANT MESSAGE)
- OFFICIAL LittleBigWorkshop profile (where he posted shit during the winter slump of 2008)
- Watch him raep a blowup doll
- Behold the gayness of his Animal Crossing ROUTINE. He even talks and sings to an imaginary Snowman.
- Another site to view his hawt blow up doll love making session
- His shitty homemade DVD
- .Zip file of all 11 Chris-Chan YouTube videos just before 8/8/08
- CWC last.fm page, has all his music and various other things available to stream or as free downloads
- His horrible album of him "singing" covers of popular songs with altered lyrics about his pathetic life
- The bands' sophomore release with new lineup. Dedicated to Ivy. Consequently ruins the careers of well known (and respected) artists Bruce Springsteen and Meat Loaf.
His NEW DevianTART accountBanned for "ban evasion" because his previous account was banned for furry porn.- All of his shit comics and some other shit. (incomplete)
- His collection of custom My Little Ponies
- His Facebook profile
- Older, abandoned MySpace profile, also full of fail
- Hacked: Personal dating listing with moar up to date info (He even put his fucking drawings on it too)
- CWC posts his phone number in search of a male fuck buddy. call him if you want to troll him IRL.
- Chris-chan talks on the phone with Kacey, summer 2009
- Screenname: Sonichu
- Attemping to give out "3d art"
- Torrent download of everything related to Chris (Vol. 10)
- His eBay account profile, revealing even more embarrassing info
- Another attempt to sell his Gamecube.
- We have a winner!
- His church's website. Nudes were sent, lulz were had, it's over guise: "We are not responsible for and have no control over the personal web presence of members of this congregation."
- a wiki he made for himself
- He has his own Twitter too!
Unfunny shit not made by Chris-chan
The Enlightening
- "The Girl who Brought Down the World" A horror story written by Viviang which explores what may happen to chris's mind when his parents die. It also explores what would happen if Chris became the president of the United States.
- A download link for an archive file of Sonichugame.Blogspot.com
- A remake of Sonichu
- This article's creator discusses how this article and everything came to be.
The Embarassing
The Accurate
- Choose your own adventure: interactive funny adventures with you being Chris-chan
- Sonichu Finale
- Sonichu's girls forum!
- Stay straight, kids! and Version 2: Electric Bugaloo
- Thread on Dontdatehimgirl.com with women confessing their love for CWC
- Chris Chan's chemistry.com matches provided by the AntiCWCville Club
- [2] A freeware game based on Christian Weston Chandler, not available for download yet but still fucking hilarious.
 to this topic for græt justice.
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Chris-chan is part of a series on Aspies. |
| Chris-chan is part of a series on Webcomics |
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 Chris-chan is part of a series on Dying Alone | Those Who Have Died Alone
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Chris-chan is part of a series on ED5 Pollfest Top 16. | ||
MOAR
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