Charlie Cleveland
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Charlie Cleveland is a 32 year old pseudo-game developer and flaming homosexual. He is best known for his Half-Life mod Natural Selection and for being a lazy asshole who would rather pass work off to shitty volunteers than do it himself. He currently lives in California with a person that he refuses to call a woman, likely to be Alex Kritz of Wisconsin, who plays a Mountain Dew t-shirt tauren wearing druid in World of Warcraft. His internet nickname, Flayra, also hints at a secret preversion.
He is also the founder of a company called Unknown Worlds, a game company that no one has ever heard of nor cares about.
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Natural Selection
This beforementioned mod has mass-generated lulz of unprecendented proportions. As the community is composed mostly of retards, 13 year old boys, furries, Otherkin, and ugly fat animu limey faggots, A++ quality drama has fertile ground on which to grow. Unfortunately, the sheer amounts of lulz has several negative side effects, such as the slow suicide of the entire mod and community. With no more NS to play, the aforementioned retards began wasting away on the official IRC channel doing nothing but jacking off to furry porn, nude pictures of Charlie Cleveland, or drawing greasy sketches of each other as an anthropomorphic dragon giving a Skulk a rimjob.
Surprised with the relative success of his mod, Charlie Cleveland formed a Constellation Program that accepted donations for devotees who had nothing better to do with 20$ than to send it to a shitty programmer. While the money allegedly goes to food and shelter (Charlie has no real job), recent developments point towards its use in gay escorts and bukkake porn.
The Hacking Attempt
Recently, the project has been brought to a screeching halt due to a hacking attempt on the website. It's been shut down since late July. Because, you know, it always takes several months to close a security hole in shitty websites. After about a year of IRC faggots prancing about, the site mysteriously came online, and Charlie released a really shitty Sudoku game on Steam, because he blew all his savings on fleshlights and lube.
The Blog
Using some of the extra money that he doesn't have, Cleveland also maintains a personal blog about himself, where he asks for investments in Unknown Worlds, begs for Constellation handouts, and posts pictures of himself (which were undoubtedly taken by that person that he lives with. He also talks of the herb garden he mtaintains, as well as his attempts at cooking Thai food.
He stopped maintaining his personal blog, and now focuses on his developer blog. Same shit, except it now contains development "updates" on his next game, Natural Selection 2.
Natural Selection 2
Charlie and Max have finally started working on Natural Selection 2, which will probably be as shitty as the first. It's been four years since the Half-Life 2 SDK came out, and all he has to show are screenshots of LUA scripts and drawings of trains, and the current game seems to use Counter-Strike: Source placeholders. Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a winner. One can infer that placing all of the gameplay code into easily modifiable scripts will result in massive lulz, as servers where the pistol shoots rapid-fire dildos will be rampant.
A furry faggot got pissed off and wrote this stupid shit
The comments section of Charlie's blog are always full of top-notch lulz, the most famous being by Lucifurs. This is a shining example of the pure faggotry that can result from inviting furries to play your precious little Half-Life mod.
Hey Charlie, Looking Good there pouring some old ass expired milk early in the morning, tough life huh. You’re really roughin' it on your low income with all those calls to the lawyers and flying all over the place to pretend like anyone cares about Unknown Worlds. When you face the facts, all you actually have to show is a Michael Jackson mix tape playing over a puppet show you had your parents put on in your bedroom with socks that have printed pictures of skulks glued on. At the end you flash down a sign that says "NS2 Coming soon on the HL2 engine" and if you look closely it’s the same sign you used for the NS:S trailer you just used some white-out to cover up the ":S". You obviously have no dedication to actually producing this "company" that you rave about. You said it yourself "I haven’t done any coding in months" I mean who are you trying to fool. More importantly what were you doing while all those constie checks were flying in months ago? I'll tell you what; making Linguini at 2:00 in the afternoon, growing an herb garden, and getting into a relationship with a "person" who you refuse to call a woman. You say "wah wah I can’t pay my rent, somebody give me money." Then you buy up all the trademarks, get a couple people to work minimum wage on your game, release it, and a year down the line you destory it with a combat mode. You seem to have no intention on actually doing anything, instead you complain and hope people will give you loads of money when you get your website back up. As for the website. Who in their right mind would hack your website. THERES NOTHING THERE. NOTHING. You had a download link, some pictures, and a news log that only ever told us what we already knew was happening, delays, only you found a way to make people think that anything was actually going to be released in the first place. The only thing that actually produced any popularity at all was the forums, and their easy enough to fix, just wipe the db and start again. I mean is it that hard to make a friggin website for nothing? Let me give you a start: I cant pay the rent Natural Selection Here’s some news, but it’s not really news, I just like to talk about the beta testers and how much they do my job for me. Here’s a few links to the download for NS or two NS versionBS And a link to the forums where you can all complain about blockscripts and how much you want a flamethrower Forums Copy that to notepad and save it as index.html, maybe you’ll get your buddy Karl to throw some IMG SRC tags in there and WHAM you has the NS website. It’s not friggin rocket science its goddamn grade school skill level labor that might take away from your blogging time, frozen linguini making skills, and filling out help tickets and developing some BS phone chain with your server company who probably just laughs at you anyway. I sure do. But all is not lost, there’s still hope for you, I hear COMPUSA is hiring. I’m sure you can use all of your talents on detecting "bad sectors of OS's". You sure make one hell of a blog though. Maybe you can get a job designing their section of the website under "Our boring lives, nobody cares, but we like to pretend like they do because it helps us deal with the pain of failure." I’m sure that’s got upper management written all over it. And you’ll be able to pay your rent and buy a nice ring for your boyfriend, and they’ll make you shave that sad excuse for a redneck beard off your face. Should you get NS:S up or even NS2 I wish you good luck in driving those games into the ground, burning them alive, and pissing on the ashes. Personally I’m tired of waiting for results on your little pipe dreams of a company, your updates that turn the game into a CS fy_iceworld 24-7 server, and your retarded conferences with people who have pencils worth more than you. You’re just a god damn modder; learn to accept it and stop thinking everyone needs to hand you everything. The rest of us already came to that realization when we stopped breast feeding. Do yourself a favor and go to moddb.com, look at hl2 mods, and tell me how many of those have corporate sponsorships and paid teams. Id venture to say nearly none. Look how many got the hl2 engine before release. Id venture to say nearly none. And look at how many of them have ANY progress done. Id venture to say MOST. You have done nothing, you always will do nothing, and it makes me wonder how much work you actually put into NS. I can see from this blog that you lack the necessary skills to get a team up and running on production, and that you lack the unyielding dedication to finishing a project that you claim to have. So what did you actually do? Work on a website that goes down after every consecutive game patch? Maybe you helped do some art. But I like to believe that you’re not what you claim to be. You just use your telephone and lawyer to get everything you want. You beg for money and grow an herb garden, and you make BS blogs about making pasta instead of doing any actual work. Then you cover all of those nasty things with a big old blanket of BS, and throw some icons at the people you scam into giving you money. You are a fraud, a liar and a crook. Get to work you lazy sack of shit. Its time for you to do something for this community.
tl;dr version: I'm a whiny faggot and I need some yiffing right now.
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