Candy

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

Candy, aka (cute_playful_wolf), is a seriously disturbed Down's Syndrome patient who taps on keyboards and can move a mouse, despite profound mental retardation. She is exceedingly ugly, but refuses to allow her offensive visage act as a hinderance in her desire to be an amatuer internet pornstar. Her ugliness was no impediment to Dani Faulk, who had sexual relations with her during his single attempt to be heterosexual.

This is not happening.

Close your eyes, it'll be over soon.

Her noteriety generally stems from the "shock and awe" that occurs when her long, foam-like flat breasts make their first appearance on webcam. They resemble a pair of clear gallon-size Ziplock bags that have been filled with bruised rotten ground beef. One can only imagine that the accompanying stench is comparable to something akin to a steeping brew of Gummi Bears, human waste, Mountain Dew, and balsamic vinegar.

From her poorly-lit bedroom in her aging parents home, and utilizing a cheaply purchased webcam, Candy performs various acts of self-gratification. These acts range from slapping her breasts with a nearby flyswatter to encouraging her toy poodles to dine on canned Dinty Moore Beef Stew that has been ladled between her sagging labia majora.

All of this takes place in live web shows, much to the delight of her two regular viewers.

Zoology

As a child, Candy was quite adorable, and resembled one of the Olsen twins. It seems her genes were somehow spliced with that of the water buffalo with which she copulated. However in lieu of horns, she sprouted an extensive cranial ridge. Mapping this ridge has become the subject of more than one Doctoral candidate's dissertation. Attempts to identify Candy using UCLA's usual nomenclature for classifying land mammals just barely makes the mark of primate, and even then it's only because she shows a shuffling bipedal walk, the ability to trap termites with stalks of grass, and presumably, an opposable thumb.

A Goldmine for Bacteriologists and Advanced Moneran Studies

Further studies have revealed that Candy plays host to vast colonies of parastitic, fungal, and bacterial life forms heretofore unknown on the planet. These newly discovered creatures can be found within the folds of her flesh, and have actually evolved to gather nourishment from the oils she produces there.

When faced with an aggressor, she can emit an ear-piercing scream that has been known to shatter the inner ear of would-be predators. Candy is also known for wild changes in temperament in which she lashes out, unprovoked, in what some zoologists refer to as "an orgy of violent primate-like behavior". This is normally aimed at any male with enough decency to reject her. She has been seen on several occasions to hoot and posture while throwing fecal material at the object of her dismay.

Good God Jesus

Fur Fetish

Originally, Candy had tried to pose as "wolf kin", but was quickly ostracized from the yiffing community after repeatedly shitting in her rented wolf suit.

Candy in her latest cosplay outfit

Paganism:1

Candy is the most well-known actual toad and slut to frequent the Paganism:1 chatroom and thus deserves to be immortalized on ED. Making an entry for her here brings down the quality of people so immortalized considerably.

Currently, Candy is playing dead from the Diabeetus after she fell from glory in P1.