BUY A SHIRT!
The ED TShirt Shop is open for business! Use discount code ED2009 for 10% off! Click here to shop.
ED5 Pollfest is going on now! Register a forums accounts and help us find the best article in the five year history of Encyclopedia Dramatica. Check out the three polls running today: [1] [2] [3]



Camp Rock

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

Jump to: navigation, search


This page contains spoilers — Important plot secrets and/or conclusions may be revealed. For example,
HOLY SHIT the blond chick sneaks her charm bracelet into Bitchy Mitchie's book to get her banned from camp activities but she finds a way around her punishment so that she can sing with the Jonas Brothers and everything is all perfect in the end!!!1
It's basically High School Musical going camping but with different names and even crappier dialogue and music. Congrats on wasting another hour of my life, Disney.
It's basically High School Musical going camping but with different names and even crappier dialogue and music. Congrats on wasting another hour of my life, Disney.

Camp Rock (also known as Camp Cock) is a DCOM or Disney Channel Original Movie (or Delightfully Cleansing Orgy Maker). It's basically just High School Musical at Summer Camp. The movie makes one wonder just how much Disney has to throw around. Judging by all of their crappy made-for-TV movies that all resemble the same storyline but with different character names, quite a bit. Congratulations on all the money you're making for Disney, Miley.

Within the first five minutes of the film, lack of common sense rears its ugly head. Bitchy Mitchie, the main character, is seen dancing around her room. Which contains not only a keyboard, but also a microphone and a guitar. So when Bitchy Mitchie's mother tells her she can't go to Camp Rock because her catering business is taking off and her dad owns a successful hardware store and they have plenty of nice things in their house but they just can't afford it. Most of us were sitting there going LOLWUT?

Disney used its clever Nazi knowledge to market this movie just right. So what did they do to turn this crock of shit from just another crappy made-for-tv-movie into the highest rated thing on television? They brought in teh gheys, because they brainwashed mindless children into thinking they were the second coming of the Beatles and that this peice of shit was their A Hard Day's Night.

The Characters

Proof that Disney is breeding jailbait.
Proof that Disney is breeding jailbait.

Bitchy Mitchie has an Itchie: Disney stays true to their copying of previous movies by making sure that every character in the movie had an HSM equivalent. Mitchie is obviously a knock-off of Vanessa "Nude Pics" Hudgens. Basically she's a 16 yr old girl in disguise LOOK OUT! But like all main characters, Bitchy is one compelling girl. She finds herself caught in a web of treacherous lies as it becomes known that Bitchy's mom isn't the president of MTV China, or even Asian at all. The lead JoBrohoe was absolutely heart-broken over the news, and yells and screams in an illiterate 12-year-old girl fan-fiction author kind of way as the movie reaches it's anti-climax. People are hailing the actress who plays her, Demi Lovato, as the next Miley Cyrus. Lovato is actually the best actress Disney has had in recent years ever had, but since this is Disney, the bar is set extremely low.

Jonas Brothers/The Connect 3: Much like Mitchy Bitchy, each of the JoHoes has an HSM equal. The girlie-looking one is Zac "Buttsecks" Efron, the middle one is the stupid B-Ball player, and the youngest one stays true to the few Black People in HSM by wearing his hair in his signature "JewFro" style, proving that the JoHoes are, in fact, Jews.

The Blond Chick: Obviously Sharpay in drag, this camwhore is by far one of the deepest characters in the movie. Her mom is a famous pop-star, who taught her daughter every sex move she knows (hence that shoulder shaking in her show-stopping number "I'd jump in a pool for You"). Her mother's success is recorded on her daughter's charm bracelet:

LUVS ME NOW.
IT IS DELICIOUS COCK!!
 
“ 		 
Every time my mom wins a grammy, she adds a charm.
  		„
 

—Sharpay/Tess/Blond Chick, explaining why there are no charms on her charm bracelet.

Oh, ok.

How to know if you should watch this movie

Typical Camp Rock fans having an E-orgy.
Typical Camp Rock fans having an E-orgy.

Whilst most of us would never subject ourselves to this faggotry, there are a select few of you to whom we would recommend Camp Rock. For instance, if I hated you, I would tell you to go watch this movie. If you can identify with any of the following things, you should watch this movie:

The Fanbase

As is the case with most of the shit that Disney comes out with (see Hannah Montana), Camp Rock isn't rotting away after old Full House reruns as one would feel appropriate, but is instead making zillions of cash money, and a second production is in the works.

As any legitimate source will tell you, Camp Rock is FRIGGIN' AMAZINGGG!!!!11!!1!!! But if you don't want to believe that, let the following fan responses convince you:

 
“ 		 
I have been listening to music for 40 years and I have to say, not too bad-these kids know how to rock!
  		„
 

—goofoff1966, How can that be when you are only twelve? Wait, I get it, you're not 12, you're a pedophile!

 
“ 		 
i really like the movie, n most of the songs. i cnt think of anybody who would play those roles better. bt then again i am a jonas brother fan lol
  		„
 

—Anna4, If all that literate typing doesn't convince you, then nothing will. Oh ok, nothing will.

 
“ 		 
The song they sang is like my favorite song of all!! I thought they sounded amazing together :] The song was so pretty, and they performed it so well :] I think they blended nicely together :]
  		„
 

—jkbug811, Honey, you had me convinced at that third smiley face.

And, much like the Twilight fans before them, they fight the haters with a ferocious force.

 
“ 		 
Why do people waste there time hating on people who are so much more successful than them because they are jealous? They have achieved things you can't even dream of and will never get to. I'm taking a very educated guess you have extremely low self-esteem and have nothing else to do but to spend time on the computer venting your jealousy. Obviously, you are going to attack me now saying I am wrong but that is obvious as you are only defending yourself and trying to shield yourself from the TRUTH. Get a life, I beg you.
  		„
 

—mikepimpin08, Wait a minute...aren't you venting your love? I see a flaw in this argument...

 
“ 		 
love 'em or hate 'em, you can't deny they're successful in what they do.
  		„
 

—AlyAJfan, ...I was surprised to see somebody who spoke the truth.

 
“ 		 
Who are you to tell JOE JONAS who to date?...NO ONE! plus in Camp Rock Joe and Demi DIDN'T even kiss! So tell me why do you hate her? whats the reason now? tell me! i bet its stupid! If you think Demi has a terrible voice then im sorry but get your hearing checked! I like Miley Cyrus's MUSIC but that's all and Demi's music is still 100% BETTER than Miley's! The lyrics in Demi's songs actually mean something! im sick of looking at anti-demi pics im sick of watching demi hate videos im sick of people making fun of her and most of all IM SICK OF YOU HATERS! seriously you have nothing better to do then waste ur time hating on Demi when she never did anything wrong! im so furious with u haters! LEAVE HER ALONE ALREADY! she never did anything to u! so what if shes Joe's love interest in Camp Rock? ITS A MOVIE! ITS CALLED ACTING! LOOK IT UP! so what if people are obsessed with Demi? ITS NOT YOUR FREAKIN' BUSINESS! you bother INNOCENT Demi Lovato fans! all your doing is being a JERK! Demi is nice to all of her fans shes never rude or mean! leave her alone!
  		„
 

—IceCreaamRoxx101, You heard her guys, leave Britney alone! Oh wait, this isn't Chris Crocker? Oh ok.

Luckily, the fanbase is easy as hell to troll. Just follow these easy steps and you shall find a large field full of lolcows:

YouTube Version:

Alternate Version:

  • Find a Camp Rock forum.
  • Sign up with a name like "JOEISMINE112" or "CAMPROCK4EVA"
  • Troll the fuck out of it with truthful facts about Camp Rock and The Jonas Brothers (like those shown in the Youtube version).
  • ????
  • PROFIT!
Or be a TARTlet and make a stamp like this, since dA is full of aids.
Or be a TARTlet and make a stamp like this, since dA is full of aids.

The Truth

Surprisingly enough, there were those who saw the movie for what it was. It is speculated that these few were mostly Nickelodeon fans who were against the hype and really hated the movie. Most speculate that they are actually closet-Camp Rock fans.

 
“ 		 
I must agree, Camp Rock was a disappointment. I liked 2 songs in the entire movie, the rest were crap. The movie was compared to High School Musical nonstop, and I kind of knew it wouldn't live up to the hype but I really enjoy Alyson Stoner and the previews made it look better. Every song that "Tess" sang was overly digitalized and it completely turned me off. I realize they lip-sync in the movies, but I just hate when they make it sound that fake. I couldn't even tell it was supposed to be a real person singing. I do however have to applaud Disney on choosing a leading lady who isn't anorexic thin. Demi Lovato seems like a girl who is thin, but no more so than anyone else could be. (unlike stars like Miley Cyrus and Selena Gomez). Other than that, I hated her. I don't find her to be an appealing personality, and she just turned me off, I can't explain why. Basically I found Camp Rock to be a major disappointment that I almost wanted to turn off. The only point that drew really any emotion from me was the "What Ever Major Loser" scene, which is extremely sad. Way to fail Disney Channel.
  		„
 

— kickinit10, TL;DR- The movie is a turn-off and Disney fails.

 
“ 		 
The characters had no depth, the movie happened too fast, they were also bland and boring.

No need to mention the bad editing and the awful song writting. I mean what kind of person listens to IM COOLER THAN YOU, IM COOL, or whatever Tess sang.

Acting was horrible.

and all in all it was a cheap immitation of High school musical, only thing that would have saved it it was if a genious like Kenny Ortega directed it. Then maybe i wouldn't criticize it as much.
 

„
 

— cuttiestar2007 , I would still criticize it. And you spelled genius wrong, genius.

 
“ 		 
I saw the last few minutes of it, and I must say it was one of the worst movies I have ever had the displeasure of experiencing.
  		„
 

—Jacob15728

 
“ 		 
well thats ur opinion
  		„
 

—Converse Cali

 
“ 		 
Yes, it is my opinion. Good job, you get a gold star!
  		„
 

—Jacob15728

 
“ 		 
Every one shut the fuck up! you're all gay for watching this movie and thinking you have a good opinion about it. In fact we are all becoming more gimpy just from the discussion of it. I am going to cut off my dick and choke myself with it. Now fuck off.
  		„
 

—Anonymouse


 
“ 		 
The minute I saw a commercial for this movie; I wanted to go blow up the Disney headquarters, and then pay an assassin to assrape and kill Demi Lovato. Then again, that is what needs to happen to all the Disney Stars lately.
  		„
 

— Anonymous

See Also


Raisedbymedia.jpg
Camp Rock is part of a series on TV & Movies

Retrieved from "http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Camp_Rock"
Link to this