Rozen Maiden
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Rozen Maiden is one of the more up-and-coming anime series out there, meaning that it features lolicon, incest, and robots. For extra lulz, they decided to combine the pedophilia and robots by having the main human character, Jun, in love or something with his walking, talking, hateful dyke of a doll named Shinku. The real reason for its popularity, though, is that the main character is a shut-in social reject, much like all anime fans, and thus serves as a convenient method of living vicariously through someone who isn't real. Naturally, there's a real girl with a crush on him, Cameltomoe, or Clitorsu or some shit, but Jun prefers his little pedo-doll, who regularly beats him, srsly. Throw in a sister, who it reveals in one episode has a thing for him, and this series more than meets your daily requirement of sick fuckery! ~desudesudesu~ Also good to know, the Japanese level of this show is OVER 9000, your head may explode simply by watching, because if you're an English speaker, the Japaneseness will cause you to go insane.
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Rating
- Action: 7. This show is about dolls beating the shit out of each other so there are actually some cool fight scenes on occasion, but lots of shitty, gay "funnay" episodes, too. For the fight scenes, try to imagine Barbies hitting each other with flak cannons while crying about why their father doesn't love them.
- Lulz: 4. Tries to be funny, fails frequently. The character Kanaria is one of the most painful things to watch ever. Also, needs more desu.
- Paedophilia: 9. Doesn't have actual sex, but it does have the dolls strip on occasion and there's no doubt Jun and Shinku have some creepy pseudo-romance going on. Also, Jun's sister totally wants to bend him over his sewing table and J-J-J-JAM IT IN.
- Muzak: 4. The soundtrack gets repetitive about four minutes into the first episode. Guess the douchebags who created this show couldn’t afford more than three songs. There’s the generic UBER ROCK song, the UBER BASS RIFF drum song, the UBER KAWAII battle song, and the OMG SOO KAWAII cutesy song, OH and all that Victorian style music which is VITAL to the show, all of which will melt the average b/tard's brainmeats with their sheer awfulness (This may be a blessing in disguise, as long as you aren't watching it also).
Characters
Dolls
Due to loose character development, not much is known about the mysterious Rozen Maiden dolls. What quickly becomes obvious, however, is that all of them have about as many social skills as the average /b/tard, which is usually enough to keep the lulz coming from one episode to the next. Apart from being socially inept in the "raised by wolves" way, it is known that they are narcissistic little bitches that you'd probably want to smack halfway across the internet if it they weren't so... strangely arousing.
- Suigintou - aka Junk. Vengeful goth bitch with wings that turn into machine guns. Also, LOL NO ABDOMEN. Because the Nazi who created her forgot to give her a waistline (not to mention boobs), she decides to take it out on the world. Instead of crying on LJ and masturbating on MSN with a cucumber, she throws shittons of feathers at her 300-year-old loli sisters, and rips the soul right out of at least one of them. Hates the shit out of her sister Shinku for having a more successful career as a camwhore. Dies several times, but won't fucking stay down. An avid fan of MCR.
- Kanaria - aka Kanada. Crazy bitch with a violin and an umbrella and yellow puffy pants, WHAT THE HELL. NOBODY EXCEPT LIBERACE WEARS SHIT LIKE THAT. Has an egg fetish. Spends her time getting beat up by crows for her lunch, and getting molested by the even crazier bitch she rooms with.
- Suiseiseki - DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU
- Souseiseki - aka Boku. Desu's trap twin sister. Hangs out with one of the guys from lemonparty most of the time, and lives in the shadow of her more popular sister. Has a devoted following among dickgirl fans worldwide. In the anime, she flips out after eating a bad burrito and gets her soul ripped out Temple of Doom style. WHOOPS LOL ¯\(°_o)/¯
- Shinku - aka Teabitch. Cranky, British bitch dressed in red who beats the shit out of her emo hikikomori servant for lulz, especially if her tea is late. In her spare time, she moonlights as a financial dominatrix and puppet-show fangirl(????), maxing out Jun's credit card just about every month with her weeaboo purchases. Hates the shit out of her sister Suigintou for crushing the precious brooch her sugardaddy gave her. FUCKING DIES (but gets better afterwards). Hates cats.
Teabitch hates cats.
- Hinaichigo - aka Nano, because of her nanomachines. Pink-clad OMGKAWAII lolidoll with what seems to be an eating disorder. Also one of the most annoying of all the dolls, but that's ok because she's also the loli, which makes you want to fap to her, doesn't it, you sick fuck. Tastes like strawberries, especially when watered. Also notable for dying in sick, twisted ways.
- Barasuishou - A pirate that somehow found her way into the show after being created by two gay lovers. Doesn't say much, because her agent couldn't actually get her a part with more than three lines per season. She does manage to kill everybody, which is kind of cool. Of course, she immediately fucks it up by CRUMBLING INTO A WEEPY PILE OF CEMENT LIKE A LITTLE PUSSY, which pretty much labels her as epic fail.
- Kirakishou - Another pirate, but wears her eye patch on the other side. Likes strawberries, bananas and cannibalism. Not to be confused with that guy from Death Note. Doesn't say anything at all, ever, seeing as she has an even shittier agent than Barasuishou.
Humans
Huh? what? there are humans on this show?
- Jun - Started all this shit by finding Shinku and trying to buttsex her. Became an emo bitch after getting made fun of at school for being a lolicon. Gets kicked in the shins a lot. Later on in the series, he buys a gun and climbs up to the top of the school tower trying to beat Cho's high score.
- Nori - Jun's sister. Dreams of WINcest with her little brother, among other people and objects. She plays lacrosse, a game intended to turn women into lesbians. It's super effective!
- Kashiwaba Tomoe - Jun's creepy jailbait stalker, whom he constantly rejects due to not having dolljoints. Was abducted by Hinaichigo as a young girl and forced to endure days of torture in one of those Japanese Hello Kitty BDSM rooms.
- Rozen - This is the story, of a man named Rozen, who created seven psycho little dolls. Even when apart from him, the dolls still scream his name every night. He is a known Nazi, and almost certainly a raging pedophile.
- Enju - Remedial student in Rozen's Dollsexing 101 for Dummies. Turns out to be homocidally jealous of Rozen for making nicer doll clothes than him. Created Barasuishou and most likely Pedobear.
- Laplace - Enju's gay furfag lover, turns into a giant rabbit when he clicks his heels three times. Oh and he's immortal and omniscient or some shit.
Story
Battle Royale with dolls. Also: DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU
Typical scenes from Rozen Maiden
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Fandom
The *chan
The cosplay
Because the Japanese are obsessed with everything they see on TV, it is obligatory for them to dress up as their favourite cartoon heroes, Rozen Maiden being no exception. In fact, a law was recently passed in Moonland to make it illegal for people not to cosplay. All of this means, of course, that you can expect a shitload of ugly, ugly people wearing shit costumes anywhere you go, especially in America, where being ugly and overweight is a prerequisite for being a Japan-loving Weeaboo.
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The drama
Rozen Maiden came out as a manga in September 2002, first appearing in a non-notable magazine on the Moon called Comic Birz, which was staffed with retards and fuckups. After many years of doodling lolis with dolljoints, the authors decided that the time was right to make a cartoon out of this shit, and so work began on what was to become the most loved /b/ meme of all time. In due time, the animu was released, and elevens everywhere (including some high-profile government officials) fapped their hearts out with joy. Somewhere in the real world, someone noticed what was going on and realized that the internets needed to know about this wonderful development, and thus, through the magic of MS Paint, DESU was born.
Then suddenly, late one evening in early 2007, disaster struck when the editorial department of Birds Comics got absolutely shitfaced drunk and pissed all over the latest Rozen Maiden chapter they were supposed to run in their next issue. To try to cover up their epic failure, they ran an old copy of Naruto instead. Remarkably, nobody seemed to notice until someone pointed out that Sasukeseki wasn't saying DESU as much as he usually did. Shit hit the fan, lawsuits were filed, and the crowd of pedos on Desuchan wailed at the prospect of losing their main source of dollicon. The fail became even more epic when the authors of Rozen Maiden announced they would be severing their contract with Burger Comics, thus throwing the fate of the series in doubt and unleashing wave after wave of bawwwww from despondent weeaboos. To make things worse, the Elevens canceled North American sales of the Animu DVDs, shattering dreams of the coveted Season Three everywhere.
As of July 2nd, 2008, the cunts responsible for putting the OVER 9000 line in the Dragon Ball Z series have announced that they rescued the Rozen Maiden series for release in North America, in addition to the countless lolicon titles that had been lost due to the aforementioned epic fail of 2007. Throughout the 4th of July holiday weekend of 2008, the joyous cheers of weeaboos, /b/tards, dollicons, lolicons and pedophiles could be heard all over the world.
The Manga
Once every 100 years, Peach-Pitt puts out a new tale, just to give false hope to dollfags that the Anime will be revived.
Souseiseki, what are you writing?
A photoshop based reaction strip meme portraying Hinaichigo and Souseiseki. Popular on the niche anime chans.
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See Also
External links
- PEACH-PIT The drunken, gay creators of Rozen Maiden
- Rozen Maiden "Official" anime website of first season
- Rozen Maiden Anime Official anime website of the second season and third season
- Desuchan, a *chan for everything Rozen Maiden.
- Junkuchan, Some shit chan no one cares about. Has a shitload of Rozen Maiden doujins though.
- Hugachan, a backup site for Desuchan.
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Rozen Maiden is part of a series on Anime. |
