Bogans
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
As America has her wiggers and England her chavs, so too does Ausfailia. Going by various titles such as "bogan", "derro" (short for derelict) and "that cunt 3 seats behind me who won't stop playing Jay-Z on his fucking phone", these colourful characters serve as a community reminder of how low white people can sink. There are many defining traits:
- Baby Milo jumper
- Referring to male friends as "brah"
- Vocal hatred of other races, oblivious to the fact that the gooks are contributing more to society than they ever will
- Blasting shitty repetitive nigger music at 90 decibels on trains and buses from their stolen phones
- Constant adjustment of genitalia; heedless of environment
- Noisily kissing sexual partner on buses
- Eight children, all with ridiculous names like "Shakira" and "Phoenix" or ordinary names with retarded spelling such as "Jyessekaah" and "Ckristalle"
- Public alcohol consumption; but we all know IT'S INVISIBLE IF IT'S IN A BROWN PAPER BAG, RIGHT OFFICER?
- Harassing any intellectuals they happen across to compensate for their needledick
- Conducting conversations within themselves with the verbal skills of a linguistically retarded budgerigar
- Constantly smoking to relieve their very stressful lives
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Bogans are srs bsnss!
Linguistics
The perversion of English used by bogans has a very distinctive tone. Here are some fun translations which will aid you in your travels:
When one's toe is stepped on by a passer-by
Standard: I'm sorry, I should have watched where I was going.
Bogan: OI FUKKEN KUNT GIT DAHFUKKOUT MOI WAY
When purchasing items at the local tobacconist
Standard: Can I please have a packet of Marlboro Light? Thanks. Have a nice day."
Bogan: GIMME SUM FUKKEN DURRIES BRAH OR I'LL FUKKIN SMASH YA
When having bags checked upon exiting a store
Standard: It's ok, I understand this is a regulation, thanks and have a nice afternoon.
Bogan: DIS IS UN-FUKKEN-BULOIVABLE I DIDN'T STEAL ANYFING YA FUKKEN MOLL
When confronted by door-to-door salespersons
Standard: I'd love to have a look at what you're selling. Please, come inside for a drink.
Bogan: GIT DA FUK OUDDA MOI VAN YOU FUKKEN KUNT KUNTFUKKENPUSSYDICKNIGGERKUNTKUNTKUNTKUNTKUNT
As you can see, the bogan language is rich indeed!
Bogan Youth
The younglings of the bogan community are to be seen on public transport; exchanging philosophical treasures such as "fukken top weed" and "I fukken did dis bitch last night brah". When they aren't discussing the complexities of Nietzsche and Plato, they pass the time by burning holes in the seats and scratching illegible words into the windows, so everyone knows that "╚>▲BUR7@#$@%@*67 WAZ HERE".
These precocious kiddies busy themselves with other wholesome activities too; such as shoplifting, assaulting the elderly, and having "rap battles" wherein the vocabulary is apparently restricted to around 6 words and the battle is won by the competitor who sprays the most spittle on his opponent. The young girls also play a fun group activity called "Who can get pregnant before they turn 15?"
The Ladies
Female bogans are renowned for many things; most notably the ability to make cheap disgusting jewelery look even stupider than it does on the 8 year old girls at whom it is targeted. Female bogans are always, ALWAYS named Cheryl, Marlene or Jessie. Their job consists of having 39 children and "tarting up" for her husband so she looks presentable when it's time for her daily beating.
See Also
