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Bisexual

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Male bisexual in its natural habitat.
Male bisexual in its natural habitat.
Female bisexual in traditional costume.
Female bisexual in traditional costume.

Bisexuality, (Noun.): The ability to reach down any person's pants and be satisfied with whatever you may find (except for a small penis. If it's under 8 inches, you might as well CUT IT OFF.)

  1. A superpower enjoyed by some gays and breeders enabling them to have much better sex than you and more of it.
  2. A fag who has installed a window in his closet.

Not to be confused with the Fake Bisexual, who are known for their addiction to BBQ-Ripple flavoured ice cream, vague attraction to electronic music and fondness for deviant sex with anything that has a pulse, Bisexuals are known for their great ability to be attracted to both genders, therefore giving them better chance to have a fuck.

Contents

[edit] Characteristics

Real bisexuals have the following common traits, also known as superpowers:

  1. Ability to make everyone jealous and horny at the same time;
  2. Superpower of wanting to sleep with everyone except you;
  3. Superpower of annoying Breeders and fags in equal measure;
  4. Ability to not give a shit what you think;
  5. Disturbing tendency to mouth off when someone gives them shit (when they don't have something else in their mouth, that is).

Bisexuals are insane, depressed and suffer from teh emo, except when they don't. Their sickening ambiguity causes most right-thinking people to get sand in their vagina and constantly carp on about their sexual indecision, an all too obvious manifestation of sexual jealousy. Nearly all bisexuals are successful traps, which annoys fags and bulldykes as they fail badly at impersonating the other sex in comparison. It may also annoy heteros since most would not appreciate the fact Sally Jane has a large cock and a hairy ass.

Any group of bisexuals will generally be more alive than their monosexual counterparts, because as we all know, bis are all rampaging sex vampires from the planet BBQ-Ripple and can't wait to shag anything with a pulse. Apart from you, of course.

A good litmus test for the different shades of faggotry can be quickly deciphered by the following conditions:

[edit] Types of Bisexual

[edit] Real Bisexual

  • Moderately talented (a large amount of the time at sucking cock)
  • Takes all kinds of drugs or alcohol sometimes all at once
  • Constantly listening to Portishead
  • Changes personal image and fashion sense every two seconds, reports of bisexuals wandering around in costumes of planets and flowers they stole from the fancy dress store are commonplace
  • Possesses a disgustingly alien, inhuman, succubus-like personality
  • Suffers from schizophrenia
  • Does not exist on the internet
  • Only careers able to fund cocaine habit and elitism are acting, music and art
  • Often confuses cock for phallic objects such as guitars or shotguns
  • Writes traditional diaries or journals, often with blood
  • Resembles an alien more than a human and does not look male or female

[edit] Fake Bisexual

  • Fulfills none of the conditions of the above yet claims to be one. See main article for helpful tips on how to deal with such a person. May have been brainwashed by Aneros.

[edit] Faggot

[edit] Emosexual

  • Is an emo, scene kid or hipster fag.
  • Draws a sense of sexual satisfaction from photoshop.
  • Should be raepd hard by sweet, sweet Bubba until they admit they are not bi. Emos may, however, like the bleeding on their ass since it's a all-new way of cutting, as well as having something great to whine about.
  • Is gayer than most things.

[edit] Bi-Curious

How to explain daddy's new 'special friend' to your eight-year-old.
How to explain daddy's new 'special friend' to your eight-year-old.
Bi-curious people with cock crave teh cock while those with pu55y crave teh pu55y, but are too chicken-shit to do anything about it. Others, however, like fake bisexuals are merely in it for the street cred (see, for example, Daddy's Money Lesbian).

It is common for virgins to be bi-curious, and often they will have sex with the same gender before having sex with the opposite gender. This often causes them to realize they were actually never really bisexual in the first place. Bi-curious people who only have sex with the same gender often consider themselves homosexual, but make the same discovery that they were really horny and desperate.

Breeders often confess their bi-curiosity to fags in an attempt to create some kind of cocksucker solidarity. What they fail to realise, however, is that this is as lame as telling a black guy you once had a really deep tan.

In other words, a bi-curious woman is any girl who has had at least 2 or 3 beers.

[edit] Exceptions

David Bowie, world-renowned bi-sexual musician. He's fucking 61 now. Note that each of his eyes are a different colour, representing the cock and the cunt respectively.His left pupil is permanently dilated because he was pwned in the eye as a child
David Bowie, world-renowned bi-sexual musician. He's fucking 61 now. Note that each of his eyes are a different colour, representing the cock and the cunt respectively.His left pupil is permanently dilated because he was pwned in the eye as a child

Scientists and gas station attendants estimate there are approximately 71 actual bisexual people in the world. They include Vin Diesel, Channing Tatum, Roseanne, Stephen King, Ann Coulter and Hoveround. All of these people are sick perverts and should be approached only with kevlar underwear and a drink-spiking test kit.


[edit] See also

[edit] External links


 Bisexual is part of a series on Homosexual Deviants   
Visit the Faggotry Portal for complete coverage.   
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