Abortion
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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Abortion (or Wall Slinky) refers to the beautiful and gut-bustingly hilarious procedure in which a soon-to-be ugly baby is instead destroyed before it has a chance to wreak havoc on the world. A sure-fire subject to send any politically minded community into a 400 comment flame war. There are two schools of thought regarding abortion: anti-choice (aka anti-woman) and anti-life (aka anti-human). Both of them are characterized by producing extreme portions of drama and nearly no logical points whatsoever. However, everyone knows that neither of these two parties are correct, and that the only sensible stance is for killing fetuses and not letting women have the right to choose.
When a cunt scraping is performed on a nigger, kike or Arab, it is considered a crime stopper, and encouraged by some of the worlds leading prostitutes such as Donald Trump. Some groups have been known to eat fetuses to help them gain god-like powers, this is a powerful technique but only fetuses harvested from the correct source. Abortion is also a useful way to control the redneck/ugly/uneducated population, as the majority of people getting abortions are stupid white trash teenage girl whores who are too dumb to use a condom, and if were allowed to spawn would in turn create even more stupid hillbilly whores eventually taking over the world, very much like the movie Idiocracy.
In short: Abortions are good.
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How To
Falcon Punch
In response to societal pressure, internet OB/GYNs have developed the Falcon Punch method as a holistic alternative to medical abortion. It is carried out as follows:
- Find a pregnant woman
- Pull your shoulder back as far as it can go, screaming: "FAAALCONNNNN...
- Set your sights on the uterus, located a few inches above the belly button
- Follow through: ...PAAAAAAAOUNNNCHHH!!!!'"
Coat Hanger
Recommended for solo practitioners or if the pregnant woman fails to expel a mutilated fetal corpse within 2-6 hours post-Punch.
- Find an oldschool metal clothes hanger
- Bend into a large hook
- Insert, get a good hard hook on that fetus, and pull with all your might
Medical Abortion
Do you want to wade through a crowd of screaming fundies? Do you want to have images of dead fetuses burned onto your retinas? Do you want to risk being caught up in a Christian terrorist attack? Do you want the inside of your baby carriage to be poked, prodded and scraped raw by Dr. Moishe Silverstein and Dr. Israel Goldberg? Do you want people to whisper "here comes the baby-killer" every time you enter a room for the rest of your natural life? If so, then Encyclopedia Dramatica formally recommends you stop by your Planned Parenthood facility today! Why take your health into your own hands when you can undergo a safe, inexpensive, routine and completely confidential medical procedure carried out by trained professionals? (For those that are less mentally imbalanced, please refer back to Falcon Punch.)
Fun Things To Do
While some people say abortion can be a sad time full of psychological stress and worry, there are plenty of wonderful things one can enjoy after the easy operation.
- Gaining popularity is a game amongst suburban teens to collect their dead fetuses and amass them together with model glue in order to play unbaby shower games. The most alluring is fetus-ball - wherein the cute chunks are frozen then tossed around a room, once they start to thaw, the objective is to get all the fetuses to stick on one person.
- Wrapping the fetus in hamburger meat and feeding it to local kids can prove to be a real blast.
- If you feel like you didn't get to know your soulless little amalgamation, you could always take apart toys and make a talkative little fellow.
- If done at the right time and thrown face up in the trash, aborted fetuses can survive to adulthood, though often not too bright, they lead destructive lives among the population. Make one your friend if you know one, perhaps you can help it along on its path to true happiness
Pro-Life
Someone who is pro-life is someone who is against abortion because it is "murder", most people who call themselves pro-life tend to be republican, or populist. Pro-lifers are all hypocrites because none of them adopt the unwanted babies they vouch for the lives of. Thus, pro-lifers are retarded.
Ironically, most people who are pro-life are in favor of the death penalty and killing people in Iraq (and pretty much anywhere else President Bush feels like having people killed; what, do you hate America?). However, the irony is based on a false analogy and becomes a straw argument. People who qualify for the death penalty are adults of sound mind who have been found guilty of heinous crimes, whereas unborn fetuses are completely innocent; the killing of each is in no way comparable. An unfeeling organic sludge has a value that a living, breathing and aware human being on Death Row does not have, as determined by a un-objective panel of capricious humans.
The mortal enemy of a pro-lifer is someone who is pro-choice, whom they often wish death upon. To pro-life, pro-choice are heartless demons.
Hysterically enough, there are cases where pro-lifers have gone so far as to murder doctors who perform abortions. This is widely considered absolutely fucking HILARIOUS. A pro-lifer murdering a doctor is the definition of irony.
Pro-Life Quotes
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Pro-Choice
Someone who is pro-choice is generally considered to be the embodiment of all things awesome (strictly due to their love of killing babies, which is AWWWWRIIIGHT.) However, recently the pro-choice movement has been filled with feminists, thus making its ghey levels over 9000. Though, unlike pro-life, they actually believe the mother is a person and do not see the fetus as a person.
There are many theories behind the origins of the feminist anti-lulz, but no clear cut answer is available. However, here are the 3 most likely sources:
(Please take to note that these, along with the gays, Jews, and Jesus, are among those suspected for the 9/11 attacks.)
Pro-choicers will not rest until every life-ruining fetus has been sucked from every womb, but are fighting to save the bad guys in the Iraq and take the child-rapists and serial killers off of death row. As Osama Bin Laden is more human than an unborn baby. Just because abortion saves women's lives does not mean that it is all right. Pro-choice advocates are all idiots that don't realize that murder is one of the funniest activities evar. To pro-choice, pro-life are the scum of the earth.
NOTE: Pro-choice shall forever remain unlulzy until every feminist on the planet is executed.
Notable Pro-choicers
Dr. Pogany
Include the not-so-world-renowned (former Professor) and Jewish HUMAN RIGHTS expert, Dr Istvan Pogany, a guy who knocked up his undergraduate student then dragged her to the local abortion clinic in order to avoid exposure in newspapers up and down the United Kingdom. After said exposure, he ran away as far as his pro-choice legs could take him to avoid the inevitable scorn and laughter which befell his colleagues at the School of Law at the University of Warwick in the UK. He returned one year later and is now to be found skulking the corridors of the same institution minus his Professorship title and his aborted kid. http://www.telegraph.co.uk/education/universityeducation/3659924/Student-has-abortion-after-affair-with-professor.html
Pro-Choice Quotes
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How does abortion affect parents?
Abortion drama OTI
- Recently some prick managed to amass 1,200+ comments and 89,000+ views in one day, by mistaking The Onion for a purveyor of real news. The article in question, I'm Totally Psyched About This Abortion!, netted a few enthusiastic replies by this gentleman who believed it to be real, and not obvious satire. Notably, he doesn't know what an Ellipsis is, nor what it signifies... it is assumed that he doesn't speak Japanese...
- On MySpace, the biggest prolife group found was found here: Pro-Life. As ironic as the URL sounds, it is a prolife group. It should also be noted that the group site currently has no mod, so it is free for trolling. Also there's a sexy and dashing poster named Jim Profit whom you should devote your life to.
- Amy Richards wrote a big article for the New York Times about how she was infected with triplets and decided to kill only two of them, while letting the third one live. Her husband meekly assented to the murder instead of hitting her with an oiled table leg in a downward motion.
LJ Drama
There are many pro-life communities on LiveJournal (the biggest one being prolife), just as there are many pro-choice communities. The two hate each other, and if any member of one community crosses paths with a member of the opposing community, you know some flames will go down - a perfect opportunity for epic lulz.
- There is also an Abortion category on LJDrama, dedicated to child-free and abortion drama.
Rebutal: Killin' the Tiller
Lvl 12 Fetalmancer dual class Ranger George Tiller of (What's the matter with?) Kansas was permabanned from God's green Earth last Sunday (May 31st) in church. Lolwut? He was shot through the heart, causing over 9000 damage. The paramedics came to late and the loving cause of pro-life was given, a bad name, YEAH! BAAAAAAAAD NAMMME!
Being one of the few doctors to perform the sweet surgical symphony that is a late term abortion, loose/unlucky women/asking for it will have to travel even further to prune their crotch fruit. So basically it will be mostly private school girls on "vacation with thier aunt" and less poor people getting their abort on which will, funny enough, lead to more po' folks in general and a boom for the wire hanger industry.
Reaction has mostly been hilarious on both sides. Check back for further, tasteful updates.
Abortion Fun Facts!
- Abortion was invented because people were too damn retarded to use a fucking condom when doing it
- In April 2007, Yale art student Aliza Shvarts claimed to have artificially inseminated herself at least 100 times, each time filming herself inducing abortions with herbal remedies, and saving the blood to smear on plastic sheets and drape over a giant cube. She did it for the lulz.
- L. Ron Hubbard was obsessed with abortion, performing at least 7 on his wife. With a coat hanger no less.
- Abortion is the best way to make sure your kid doesn't grow up to degrade women by looking at pornography.
- Scientific Studies have show that there is no connection between abortions and breast cancer.
- Romanians get the Olympic-gold-fucking medal for abortions: they killz 3 quarters of their unborn kidz. A Romanian diplomat was quoted as saying, "We do it for the LULZ." <1>
- Noone on either side of the issue has ever made a valid point ever.
Video
Baby Pictures
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See also
- Aliza Shvarts
- Anabelle Lotus
- Falcon Punch
- Foetus soup
- Kevin and Kat
- Miscarriage
- Nathan Sheets, who provided the
photo. - Puckish - bitch who cares more about flaming than abortion
External Links
- Bible Resources Recommend ED's Abortion Stance
- Amy Richards describes the Halloween haunted house exhibit she has planned for her surviving baby
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Abortion Is Pro-Life - The current Pope of Objectivism preaches about the fantastic, life-affirming Good News of abortionBALEETED - The Regressive Party - Maddox's view on the subject
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Xiao-Feng-Fury at DeviantArt- Deviant, self-hating, black and fulltime weaboo Xiao-Feng-Fury becomes the voice of the unborn LOL404 - Abortion Debate/ Flame Wars. The site owner is a virgin in his 50s.
