Slut
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
A slut is a girl or woman who spends moar time fucking than doing the laundry. While whores demand payment for their services, usually money, drugs, items from their wish lists, or attention, sluts love the cock for itself.
The Nature of the Beast
Sluts are prone to many of the same difficulties as whores, namely STDs and threats of pwnage from angry cheated-on girlfriends. In addition, while whores have a steady income stream, sluts are usually broke.
Many sluts are 16 year old girls who pretend to be 20. Because their fathers no longer molest them, they are lonely and need the cock inside of them to make them feel better about their future careers as prostitutes and members of government (which is about the same as being a prostitute).
Other sluts are usually emo and want some attention because their boyfriend left them for a girl with a greater collection of scars from "attempts".
The unifying characteristic of sluts is this: they will not sleep with you (Is she a virgin? Has she been faithful to the same man for twenty years? Does she give blow jobs for a nickel apiece behind the bowling alley? Doesn't matter) or, ironically, they will sleep with you too readily.
Either way, she is a slut until she sleeps with you. A "slut" who does sleep with you is no longer a slut, but a "hot chick" who knows how to have a good time. Then, when you get tired of her vagina and it's time to move on, she goes back to being a slut again.
A girl can also qualify for sluthood by sleeping with your skank-ass boyfriend, because she totally should've known he was lying when he said you didn't exist after having seen you with him for months.
Double Standards
Many women complain about how unfair it is that a man's multiple fuck buddies often earn him praise and compliments, while a woman's sexual conquests are the subject of scorn and ridicule. This would be a valid complaint if it it weren't that women, as long as they have genitals and a pulse, barely have to work at getting "conquests."
Identifying Your Sluts
- Sluts come in all shapes and sizes, from the under-developed skinny crackhead anorexic sluts to the morbidly obese sluts with beer bellies
- Many Sluts wear nicer clothes than you, because they have sugar-daddies to buy them things, but others have given up everything and lost their jobs, been kicked out of their homes, threw away good men, and ended up knocked up with retarded children
- Sluts wear too much makeup and, unless they're goth, pay for too many visits to the tanning bed.
- Most sluts are unlikely to make it past high school, but the regular slut is usually shameless enough to talk some guy into giving her a job by giving him a blow job (and then not doing any work). But because men tire of sluts quickly, they have to start all over again six months later.
- Sluts are really, really stupid, which is why they like to sleep with guys who claim to have huge cocks and not realize they're lying until weeks later.
- Sluts often try to look sexy in pictures but completely fail.
- Sluts love to pose in front of a webcam.
- A loose, sagging vagina is a dead giveway. If she looks like she's trying to shoplift week old cold cuts in her panties, she's probably a slut.
- Sluts are often hot in their teens but a mess by their early 20s when the STDs and unplanned pregnancies catch up with them.
- A surprising number of sluts look like warthogs even when young, but this is probably because they have figured out that sexual availability is the only way they will ever get any male attention, since daddy refuses to implant his cock in them any longer.
A Slut Vents
Make sure to link to whore, cunt, bitch, and hole as many times as you can, even if the pipe makes no fucking sense. That way, everyone will know what a dirty whorecuntbitchsluthole she is, even though you couldn't find a single shred of evidence to back that up with, since most sluts are too busy having all the hot sex you're not having to generate a paper trail. No matter! You're the one who has time to spare for the internets, so your story is the one we'll hear. Anyway, the average slut can't tell a computer from a microwave oven, so it's unlikely she'll ever be able to figure out how to get online to refute you.
If you have their phone numbers, post them on Craigslist in the "casual encounters" section with a prurient ad and a sexy photo. Let the lulz ensue.
If all else fails, make up some awesome fake story about her life being full of 4chan memes because that shit's hilarious FUCK YEAH SEAKING.
Throw in lots of scat jokes, kinky crap, and TOTALLY WACKY stuff like tapirs or some shit because weird animals are always, always funny.
Hell, take it one step further and write the article as if the slut herself were a weird animal, because sounding like a bad ripoff of National Geographic always brings the lulz. If it's implausible, impossible, or just plain lame, don't worry! People on the internets will never figure out that your awesome article is the result of misogyny, jealousy, and blue balls.
Sluttishness as "Empowerment"
Some sluts actually believe that men are threatened by their ready availability and see themselves as strong, liberated women. The truth is, the average man loves freebies, as long as they're not STDs, and is as happy to come across a slut as a cat is to discover an open dumpster behind a Red Lobster.
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Slut is part of a series on Whores. |
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