Bill Clinton
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Bill "Slick Willy" Clinton (October 9, 1945, Hope, Arkansas) is the 42th president of the United States. He is also the current possessor of the Tri-Force, and God. His very presence forces the chorus from the song "All Right Now" by Free to be mysteriously heard by everyone in a 20-mile radius. He is widely known for his extremely lulzy acts as President and to a lesser extent as Governor of Arkansas. He was the first black man to serve as President of the United States. It should also be noted that coincidentally on his inaugural day the White House pool closed due to AIDS.
Youth crimes
Born a bastard in the decade following the Great Depression, Clinton was raised by poor sharecroppers in a one room shack. As a child, he played the sexophone at a brothel and attended Yale on a full sexophone scholarship. During his junior year, he dropped out of school and became an aging hippy liberal douche - playing jazz and associating with negroes and bosnians.
After service in the Civil Air Patrol, Clinton married Hillary Clinton (née Epstein) and returned to Arkansas. Despite his large afro and his marriage to an homosexual, Clinton was named governor of Arkansas by a Mexican in 1979.
Epic Dope Gangsta
Among the Negroes Clinton also began smoking marijuana, and became convinced that he was destined to be the greatest liberal president since Lyndon Baines Johnson. As he was needlessly occupied with white washing cocaine profits in the order of hundreds of millions running for president was a logical step. Klinton already had an excellent track record of having people agree with him.
Because of some millions worth of long forgotten loans on it Bill's business Park-O-Meter was found to be building retrofit nose cone compartments that were being shipped to Mena, the nose cones were actually being used to smuggle cocaine back into the Jewnited states of lolz.
| —Larry Nichols, CIA assassin. |
Here Larry discusses the epic PWNZ with truthfag Alex Jones.
Presidential crimes
| —Bill Clinton |
In 1992, Clinton defeated W's father after an election campaign marred by allegations of real estate fraud, draft evasion, and hot hillbilly-style fucking. Upon being elected, Clinton immediately set out to allow gays, Lesbians and drag queens in the military, explaining why the Iraq War eight years later got so fucked. He revitalized Washington social life with weekly stag parties in the Oval Office.
He rarely addressed the American people. Instead, he almost daily arranged television broadcasts of late night fireside sessions where he lay on his back with his legs up, attempting to suck his own cock while fingering his ass before ejaculating all over the place. This helped boost his ratings, even in more critical periods of his two terms. When he did give speeches to the public, they were always of extraordinary importance. In Chicago on June 17, 1997, for instance, he faced a large audience of supporters with a fresh golden shower trickling down his face, which allowed him to harvest tidal waves of applause. Smiling through the piss, he uttered "Yum". He then proceeded to fuck every man, woman, and child in the audience (at least 100% participated willingly).
Then he requested everyone piss on him, since his own piss wasn't enough. Greater applause and approval followed. To end the ceremony, he performed the traditional liberal version of communion by smoking crack and drinking Hennessy, which all the audience participated in (again, willingly).
Clinton was also a pimp. While W. Mark Felt made a failed attempt at pwning Nixon during Watergate, Clinton was involved with a different kind of "Deep Throat". In 1995, he kidnapped one of his whores, Monica Lewinsky, and started raping her on a daily basis in his Oval Office (or should we say, "Oral Office"?). Being a nasal fetishist, he jammed cigars into her nostrils while calling her a skank from fucking hell. He also did lines on her cottage-cheesed, welted, fat-fucking, all-consuming-black-hole-of-an-ass. When Lewinsky told one of her whore friends, Kenneth Starr, he (Starr) spunked his pants and spent a gazillion tax-dollars writing an erotic essay.
During this time he also helped Al Gore invent the internets and create global warming.circa 1992ish
In 1999, Clinton was acquitted by the Senate on two impeachment charges: Raping the prostitute and having a cock that smelled like shit. Clinton had for a long period insisted "I did not force my non-smelly prick into that whore," which of course was bullshit.
In the year 2000, Clinton graciously agreed to step down, and his designated successor Al Gore defeated W in elections. However, due to a dispute over the $200 security deposit paid by Clinton when he had entered the White House in 1993, the Democrat victory was forfeited under Article VI of the United States Constitution and Gore was defeated.
Post Presidential criminal activities
Bill Clinton moved into an office in Harlem, NY, to keep it real with his fellow nigras. He's become a staple of the local landscape, pimping around in his post-presidential limousine, which was presented as a gift to him by Ol' Dirty Bastard of Wu Tang Clan fame. He is often sighted walking around, leading his entourage with a cane, distinctive for his pale complexion, bowler hat and fake eyelashes around one eye; he is also commonly sighted throwing dice in the alley, playing dominoes in the park, and sometimes joins the harmonica/guitar duo outside Phil's Liquor with his sexophone.
Clinton and ODB actually had quite a friendship going and frequently would booty around Harlem in the Clintdaddilac (as the metallic gold limo which sits on 24-inch spinners is called), picking up fly girlies and cruising for some chicken wings on their way to the Apollo. Ultimately, Clinton delivered the eulogy when ODB died and poured an entire bottle of Hennessy Private Reserve for his fallen comrade, whom he said was "an true hero."
Clinton currently spends most days at his office/condo in Harlem, which is furnished with a large circular revolving water bed, a full bar, red-painted walls, and a mirrored ceiling. His office does not contain a condom. He employs a full-time funk band to score his exploits as he bangs the hell out of Madeleine Albright & every female who comes through the building. When not doing this, he spends the day not talking to his wife as she prepares to run for president in 2008. Clinton doesn't really care much one way or the other how the election pans out; his new desk can accommodate two whores instead of one anyway. To this day he is remembered by Democrats as an hero. He was quoted with a gay fail quote as "YAY AT LEAST I R NOT DA BILL NIE!!!!!one" Because every schoolkid knows that Nye is actually a crazy insaneiod hard humping bitch fag like he is.
North Korea Prison Break
President Bill Clinton's finest hour was when he freed two hot US azns from being raped by bubba. Some argue he was fellated afterwards. See also Monica Lewinski.
See Also
