Barack Hussein Obama
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Barack Hussein Obama is a current Presidential hopeful, the child of a black father and a white mother, who totally chose his own middle name (which means "good one," the haughty bastard). This makes him a "Halfrican." He is running for President of the US of A on the Democratic platform, and is currently going mano a mano with John McCain for the prize of being the next fuckwit to run the country into the ground even more.
To retarded Republicans and Fox News fans, Barack Saddam Hussein Osama is an unpatriotic Islamic Manchurian candidate, a Muslim posing as a Christfag who may even be the Antichrist. Of course, because he is a nigga and a blood relative of George Bush on his honky side, he will probably just try to steal the election if he doesn't win.
To retarded Democrats and Daily Kos readers, Barack Jesus F. Kennedy Christ is a messianic cult leader, the reincarnation of John F. Kennedy born as a black Jesus come to save America from six years of Iraq, eight years of George W. Bush, and two centuries of white guilt. Just like JFK, if Obama is elected, someone will surely assassinate him. His followers fail to recognize that, like every other politician, his whole campaign is all style and no substance (unless you're talking about THAT substance).
[edit] Barack Obama's Skin
The most important issue in Barack Obama's election campaign has been the amount of melanin in his skin. Obama's skin is perhaps the second largest of his body's organs, and surrounds his endoskeleton. Recent news articles have brought to light that Barack Obama is what some might call "a coconut", and still others "a nigger," due to the color of this organ and the massive size of his largest organ, his penis. This has been a huge shock to many Americans, used to seeing campaign commercials for white men and then not voting for anyone.
Incidentally, when you get right down to it, he's actually half redneck.
The trusty American media sprang into action to resolve this monumental issue for a confused citizenry: Does Obama have too much melanin for America to handle?
Numerous surveys and studies were performed to find out just what effect his skin color would have on his chances for election. The results showed that most Americans are racists, and will simply vote for whoever has the same color of skin that they do. However, these same studies found that this was not the single most important deciding variable for the voting public. Americans seemed more interested in Obama's cock and balls, and Hillary Clinton's centipede nest. It seems that, rather than skin color, similar genitalia (i.e., penes or vaginae) was in fact the biggest deciding factor when Americans decide who to vote for on election day.
Republicans always liked to publish photos of him taken in the shade, making his skin look darker. He got real butthurt and in a vain attempt to make himself look more like whitey, had his bung hole bleached. Now it's hard to tell whether he's smiling or bending over. Most of the time he talks through his ass anyway.
[edit] First Muslim Senator
Senator to Be Sworn in Using Quran By LOUIS O. LEHMANN
The Associated Press
Thursday, December 30, 2004; 4:32 PM
WASHINGTON -- Sen.-elect Barack Hussein Obama, the first Muslim elected to Congress, will use a Quran once owned by his father during his ceremonial swearing-in Tuesday.
Some critics have argued that only a Bible should be used for the swearing-in. Last month, Virginia Rep. Virgil Goode, R-Va., warned that unless immigration is tightened, "many more Muslims" will be elected and follow Obama's lead. All other members of Congress responded with "So?". Looking uncomfortable, Mr. Goode said, rather awkwardly, "Oh, no, it's nothing really. I don't even know what I meant by it,". Obama was born in Hawaii and raised as a Muslim.
Obama's spokesman Robert Gibbs said the new senator "wants this to be a special day, and using his father's Quran makes it even more special."
In the midst of all this, a real Muslim Representative, Keith Ellison, managed to sneak into Congress. A well-played plot by bin Laden himself.
[edit] America's 2nd Black President
As his father was born in Kenya, Obama's ancestors were never slaves, therefore giving him no right to whinge about slavery; this meant he had to find something else to complain about: politics. With his black sense of entitlement and his white personality, Obama set out to take over the world last Thursday. Obama is terrible at dancing, making him a failure at nigradom, but he can still sink nothing but net over the white boys from the three-point line:
Faux News has already started the slander campaign, labeling him a drug-addicted terrorist, like all good Republicans would. Some also believe that he is the devil himself and shall bring about the end of days. Additionally, the media dipshits are now somehow fashion police and told his black ass that he had to wear a piece of metal or he would be even more of a terrorist.
Obama has risen near the top of the presidential pack by parroting off the word "change" without even suggesting what kind of "change" he wants so voters can decide whether it happens to be "good" change or "bad" change. Additionally, he has very little political experience and actually believes this eminently qualifies him to be president above the other candidates in the field. The main reason he wants change so bad is that he's lacking cents (sense). Get it?
Additionally, reports have suggested that Obama has taken many of Hillary Clinton's ideas and simply passed them off as his own. While some are upset with Obama's potential plagiarism, others have acknowledged that it is just Obama's negro tendency to steal things off of white people. To quote Kevin Hassett, John McCain's economic advisor:
| —Kevin Hasset |
[edit] The Name
For moar on Obama's hilariously questionable name, we turn to the experts. To rapper and beacon of wisdom DMX, Barack Obama ain't no fuckin' name, as poignantly divulged in an XXLmag.com interview:
| —XXLmag.com |
Some of Obama's supporters, in a way that totally dispells the cult aura surronding his campagin, have decided to change THEIR OWN MIDDLE NAMES TO HUSSEIN!
The Jewyork times reports this serious business:
"Emily Nordling [1] has never met a Muslim, at least not to her knowledge. But this spring, Ms. Nordling, a 19-year-old student from Fort Thomas, Ky., gave herself a new middle name on Facebook.com, mimicking her boyfriend and shocking her father.
'Emily Hussein Nordling' her entry now reads'
Obviously there are a few EDiots out there with nothing but praise and constructive critism for such a *brave* act.
[edit] Obama on the Issues
- American principles: CHANGE
- Civil rights: CHANGE
- Disabilities: CHANGE
- Economy: NIGGER RIG IT
- Education: CHANGE
- Energy & Environment: INFLATE YOUR TIRES
- Ethics: CHANGE
- Family: CHANGE
- Fiscal: CHANGE
- Foreign Policy: CHANGE
- Iraq: CHANGE
- Gun Control: CHANGE
- Health care: CHANGE
- His own Mind: CHANGE
- Homeland Security: CHANGE
- Immigration: CHANGE
- Political Experience : CHANGE
- Poverty: CHANGE
- Prostitution: CHANGE
- Rural: FARM MORE CHICKEN
- Service: CHANGE
- Seniors & Social Security: CHANGE
- Slave Ownership: CHANGE
- Technology: CHANGE
- Use of the "N-word" in Mike Tyson's Punch Out: CHANGE
- Veterans: CHANGE
- His wife: CHANGE TO UGLY FAT WHITE BITCH
- Change: CHANGE
- Abortion: ABOVE HIS PAY GRADE
- Candlejack: CHA
Obama presents the issues and passes the savings onto YOU!
To sum up Obama's entire political ideals; he is a black guy asking for change. However, it's not all about change; there's also a nice helping of "Hope" and a dash of "Dreams" thrown in, as well. Given his plans for increased spending, Obama is surprisingly not very niggardly. Obama is actually a Jew-loving Zionist who will bomb Pakistan if elected, but don't tell his followers that.
Liberals, noticing the crink in their knees after months of giving Obama sloppy wet brain, have already turned on their candidate! Failing to realize that the only way to have a politician who is 100% in accordance with your own silly views of government is to RUN YOURSELF, Dailykos and Gyro delivary website HuffingtonPost are shitting all over Obama in their Echo chambers because he has become "Hard to pin down ideologically". Specifically over his changed views on FISA, pulling out of Iraq's vagina, government supported Faith based charity, and bicycle return policy.
This election will become a contest between who can fuck up and piss off their base the least before November.
[edit] Obama's Baby Mama
Last Thursday, Obama's wife, Michelle, came out and made a rather lulzy statement, saying that, "For the first time in my adult life, I'm actually proud of my country." Well, at least she's honest; and as such, she has no business in politics. When asked why she hated America, she responded by saying, "I'm sorry, I was on my period." Here is the inflammatory statement, brought to you by the good folks at The O'Reilly Factor and PooTube.
Larry Johnson, a former CIA operative, claims to have a tape in which Michele Obama claims:
"Whitie cut folks off medicaid?
Whitie let New Orleans drown?
Whitie do nothing about Jena?
Whitie put us in Iraq for no reason?"
Although Michelle is black, her education overcomes such negratiude. It turns out that the statements were, in fact, "Why'd he" refering to W, master of lulz and slayer of black folks.
With hard working and even harder of hearing men like Larry protecting our country, it is no wonder the Joos were able to Hannakuh-chop our towers down.
This was going to be a huuuuuuuuge story on the Blogosphere, but it seems people have lost interest OMGWTFBBQ, NEVERMIND! HERE IT IS!
[edit] Oh Brotha, Where You Iz?
Baruch Osama has tried to hide him long and hard, but the efforts were no match for the impartial and investigative reporting the U.S. Media is known for.
Meet George Hussein Onyango Obama, a Jenkem-huffing Nairobi shantytown resident who LIVES ON LESS THAN A DOLLAR A MONTH (cf. with Barack's $1M annual income).
Although thousands of miles away, Lil' George shows remarkable signs of being an Oreo, just like his older brother BarBar.
A few choice quotes:
| —Attention whore, check |
| —Basement dweller, check |
| —Internet tough guy, check |
| —Emo, check |
Human mythology is replete with angsty, overlooked younger brothers clawing from their older siblings' shadows to prove to the world how awesome they are on their own.
From Cain to Jacob in the Bibble, from Zeus to Menelaus in ancient Greece, and from Michael Corleone to George W of modern times, history is full of whiny baby boys with a chip on their shoulder and windmills to conquer.
Expect Onyango republican presidential campaign in four years.
No, you don't have to have been born in the U.S. to run for president as a republican.
[edit] Obama - A Typical Political Crook
Obama has been accused of committing double speak on the NAFTA agreement when one of his aides told Canadian officials that Obama's anti-NAFTA rhetoric was merely for gaining political points with his constituents. This has caused much lulz and craziness over his campaign and many in the liberal media are trying to cover up this story.
| —Canadian News |
Sauce of Obama's NAFTA Double Speak
[edit] Typical Obama Supporters
Vote or die, motherfuckers.
[edit] Sex and Drugs
As with all politicians, Barack Obama is not without his dark secrets and shadowy past, and since Obama is black, this trait is amplified. The following is a video of some guy who says that in 1999, Obama used and sold crack and cocaine as the two drove around in a limousine. This mysterious individual then goes on to claim that he also performed oral sex on Obama! While this would initially seem detrimental to Obama's chances of winning the presidency, one must remember that a cokehead and a sex fiend have already served as president of the United States, however separately. Obama counters that no one would actually want to fuck this guy, so the stories must be false. Although these claims have yet to be validated (they're clearly true), the video still makes for excellent trolling material.
[edit] Nigrajamas
In a shocking and lulzy recent old news development, Hillary Clinton featured a negative campaign ad about national security or some shit. The ad is set at 3:00 AM, and the country is going through a terror attack or something. Apparently, there's a phone ringing at the White House, and Hillary Clinton (in full business attire) answers it. The ad is supposed to convince you that Clinton would be better suited to deal with this situation. However, noone really cares whether this is actually true, because the viewer's attention is lost within the first 15 seconds when the letters "NIG" could be plainly read on a sleeping child's pajamas. Why Clinton chose to use this specific stock footage for her campaign remains unclear. Some argue that it's because she's racist, while others say that it's because she doesn't like black people. Naturally, the internets soon went ablaze in fierce debate, even though Hillary is completely correct in suggesting that nobody wants a nigger answering his/her call of distress at 3 in the morning. Below is the original campaign ad along with some links to the ensuing shitstorm. Additionally, many parodies of the ad can be found on Youtube. Although it shouldn't need to be stated, TROLL FOR GREAT JUSTICE.
In an even lulzier twist, the delicious loli featured in the ad, Casey Knowles, says she actually prefers Obama, and denounces the ad as fear-mongering. According to her mom, when Casey shook Obama's hand, she cried and trembled.
More Video Links
[edit] Obama's Pastor
HOLY FUCKING RACISM, BATMAN! It turns out that Obama's long time Christian Pastor, Jeremiah Wright, is anti-American and batshit crazy. Last Thursday, rather than preaching to his gathering about how to better their lives or the lessons of peace of the Bible like pastors with normal skin, Pastor Wright went on a crazy, lulz filled rant on the various ways in which black people are opressed in America. Many Blacks agreed but told him to STFU for fear of scaring White voters who believe Blacks are totally equal now and many Whites went butthurt with fear and denial. Naturally, Obama denied all association with Jeremiah Wright, despite the facts he has been Obama's Pastor for many years and even baptised his children. Obama and Wright have even been known to have drinks on weeknights and attend Black Panther rallies together. When questioned about the remarks, Obama rejected his pastor's statement and facepalmed, stating, "Goddamn, it's always the half-crazed, aging black guys that fuck things up." There is still no word from Obama's Muslim spiritual leader.
Despite conveniently disowning his pastor, the White voters who complain about Obama's relationship to his pastor will still not vote for him. So he threw a 20 year friend away for nothing. LOL
Scary Blackness
[edit] Bump, just pump it up
Obama is making history yet again by choosing America's first black vice president, Deleware seneator Joe Budden!
Joe is an elder statesman with over 30 years of experience.
You can see history in the making here with his acceptance speech
He has a strong history of supporting minorities in Africa. "When asked what he thought about minority rights for those in Africa he was stated as saying, "White people deserve to rule, I will make sure that happens"
He is also an acomplished spoken word artist. "Mixtapes are extremely important, especially for New York or North East artists. They allow you to be creative, to get feedback and criticism, but most of all, it gets your name out there. I would say about 90-100% of my success was down to the mixtapes."
[edit] Deez Nuts
On July 8, 2008 Reverend Jesse Jackson, bored with not being in the news, expressed a strong desire to emasculate Barack Obama. While Jesse Jackson was preparing for an interview on CNN, a camera recorded Jackson talking with a friend of his about the Democratic presidential candidate. Specifically, Jackson described an elaborate process by which he would forcibly remove Barack Obama's testicles with a sharp implement because of something he'd seen on the Cosby Show.
Unfortunately, the tape with Jackson's hilarious commentary has not yet been released for public viewing and approval. This is mostly an unfortunate situation for the American voter, because the tape contains additional choice words from Jesse Jackson which the network has deemed "too awesome" for nationwide release. For now, we can only wait to hear what else this failed presidential candidate had to say.
The last public threat against a presidential candidate's nuts was in 1884 when Grover Cleveland swore loudly into a megaphone that he would soon have rival Samuel J. Tilden's shriveled old man balls swinging from the highest tree in the union.
After they found out that Jackson's threat had been captured on video, CNN called both the Obama campaign and Jesse Jackson to tell them about the contents of the tape before they blabbed about it to the rest of the nation. This provided Jesse Jackson with an opportunity to preemptively apologize to Obama before Republicans could start telling jokes about it.
No one takes Jesse Jackson seriously anymore. Not even his own son, Ill Representative Jessie Jackson Jr. (an actual politican) who took the time to call the old man out.
Jackson's surrender:
[edit] Vice-Presidential Choice
Moar like Vice-Pedodential choice, amirite?
Last Thursday Obama announced the controversial selection of Joe Biden to be his running mate for the Vice-Presidential spot. Despite Biden's massive amounts of experience, people are expected to not give a shit because McCain is still older and moar of an EVIL WASHINGTON INSIDER LOL GO OBAMA!!!1 As such, Those who believe Biden will help Obama win are just asking to be pwnt.
[edit] Gallery
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[edit] See also
- John McCain
- Hillary Clinton
- Islam
- Muslim
- Terrorist
- W
- Warren G. Harding, who made it as America's first president with African-American heritage 88 years earlier.
[edit] Video Links
- BarackRoll
- Ludacris endorses Obama
- Obamas goverment mind control..
- Obama wins Democratic nomination. Yeah, srsly.
- A Video Portrait of Barack Hussein Obama
- Obama concedes to Hillary Clinton
- Obama behind closed pools
- Mad TV pulls Rule 34 on Hillary and Obama
- Barack the Magic Negro
- Obama's entry for the next season of American Idol by The Black Eyed Peas
- Blow-bama
- Sluts love Obama
- or Blow-bama?
- Obama's dark secrets
- Trolling Obama
- Obama did 2012
- Oba in a bra
- Why not put a Tarkatan in charge?
- In Soviet America, Change believes in YOU!
- Barack the Magic Negro
- Obama music video/mind control
[edit] External Links
- Official campaign site
- Hussein 4 Prez
- Official fan club
- Jews Against Obama
- Obama the Plagiarist
- Is Barack Obama the Messiah?
- The Assassination of Barack Obama -- The Art Exhibit
- Obama's Church -- Unashamedly Black, Unapologetically Christian
- Black Value System Concepts -- A Nigger Manual for Niggers.
- Black Value System Apologetics
ObamaisaNigger.comNiggerObama.com- FISA vote leads Supporters To Doubt His Promises
- Both Ways Barack
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