Turkey
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Turkey (Official Name: The Republic of Teriyaki Chikins) was founded by Mustafa Kemal Atatürk in 1923 to supply cheap migrant labor to Germany. The successful execution of the Armenian Holocaust prior to World War I motivated proto-Nazis to create a friendly Turkish dictatorship that would carry out the administrative details of the final solution.
Ironically, Turks are usually regarded as being next to Jews and Gypsies, in terms of swarthiness and in terms of general dirtiness.
Turkey stole land from Greece, Kurds and Armenia at its inception. This fairytale land is said to have all the charm of the middle-east yet none of the value.
Contents |
An Overview of Turkey
It is inhabited by the descendants of the Ottoman Empire. Turks are the sub-human barbarians who's only contribution to history is smelling like shit.
The Turkish national deity is Atatürk. After the horrors of World War I, he destroyed the country even more by banning those stupid little hats called fez and gouging the eyes out of harmless old men. If you say a bad word against Atatürk's memory, a burly Turk named Faruk will slice off your testicles and feed them to you.
The Turkish national pastimes include banging ugly, slutty Russian chicks, sending shitty performers to Eurovision, oppressing the Kurds, blaming Greeks for everything, sodomizing European drug-dealers in their prisons, and picking off pedestrians with their cars even when the green light CLEARLY says that pedestrians have right of way. They are, however, masters of trolling BAWWWing Kurds and Armenians.
History of the Turks
Modern linguistic and Anthropological evidence has shown that the original Turks were actually remnant Homo erectus, specifically Wushan Man, who survived in isolated populations in the Central Asian hills. They lived a happy, peaceful life hunting with sharpened sticks and clubs, living in caves or crude yurt-like huts and wearing the untanned skins of their prey. However, around roughly 800 BC, contact with wandering Indo-Aryan nomads gave Turks the idea to ride horses and use bows. In the next three thousand years that it took them to learn how to sit on a horse and move it forward, the Turks bred like rats until there were enough of them to Zerg Rush the civilized nations of Persia, Anatolia and eastern Europe. And, giving themselves short guttural barbarian names like the 'Huns', 'Khazars' and 'Oghuz', that is exactly what they did.
Then, in order to mask their sub-human origins, they proceeded to rape everything they could lay their paws on, creating the most mongrelized excuse for an ethnic group in existence. The original Turkic people looked like a bunch of filthy Azn bums on horseback who lived in tents. By the time they reached Turkey, after centuries of butt-fucking other races, they looked like a bunch of Middle Easterners.
Ottoman Empire
Eventually, some of the more mongrelized Turks became intelligent enough to declare themselves leader, and uniting all the Turks who had yet to rape themselves out of existence, plus the countries they had zerg'd into submission, under Islam (a religion they stole from the Arabs) they declared themselves to be the Ottoman Empire.
Eventually the Terrans of Europe figured out how to use firearms effectively and counter the Zerg Rush tactics that the prolific steppe-apes had become dependent on. Since the Ottoman Empire had spent all its resources building an army of meatsheilds, they required more Vespene gas in order to spawn more Overlords and change tactics. So one by one The Balkans nations and Arab tribes, who were sick of stenchy Turks telling them what to do, rebelled and separated. Eventually, all the Turks who were still dumb enough to be considered Turkish had left was Anatolia. Which would have been fine, except the Turks were still idiots who could no function in an ordered society, and therefore poor. So, rather than attempt to educate themselves so they could become richer, the Turks began to purge all the richest elements from society so that they would not look bad in comparison. Hundreds of rich and middle-class people were rounded up and marched into the desert, shut in buildings and burned live, or slaughtered in the street with bayonets. Coincidentally, almost all of these rich people were Armenians, the few exceptions being Greeks or Assyrians.
This left only Kurds and Gypsies as minorities. Even the Kurds, however, decided they were to good for the steppe-monkeys and began to go terrorist on them and get their own country. Gypsies hate Turks too, but because pretending to be a Turk makes it easier to rip them off, they just keep it to themselves.
Turkish Culture
"Turkish culture" is an oxymoron. Everything even slightly 'cultural' in Turkey was stolen from the Greeks and Arabs. Though they are most famous for Turkish Delight.
Literature
Türk milleti gariptir
Her lafi kaldirmaz
İbne dersin kizar da
Sikersin aldirmaz
-Neyzen Tevfik-
Turkish people are strange,
they can't bear insults
Get angry if you call them fgts
But won't care if you assrape them
-Neyzen Tevfik (a Turkish hobo that played ney,famous for consuming enough booze,hash and opium to supply all American Niggers for a century)
Internet
Turkish law requires ISPs to filter any materials that are critical of Mustafa Kemal Atatürk. Additionally, asking any Turk IRL about these censorship laws is a surefire way to make them feel uncomfortable.
Any site that is about Armenian Genocide or Kurdish Shit will have their guestbook flooded with 6,000,000,000,000 nationalist Turks giving deep and meaningful messages with caps lock before their isp bans the site.
Also, almost every adult website is banned as well last year, alongside with youtube. Ya rly.
Foreign Relations
Each and every one of Turkey's neighbors hate them. Bulgaria with the rest of the Balkans hates them because they are Muslims, and because of the assrape they were given by the flaming Turkish hordes in the middle ages, the Arab nations and Iran hate them because they are secular and pro-west, and Armenia and Greece hate them because they have had to deal with the land-stealing, genocide, and general stenchiness very recently.
Azerbaijan does not count as a neighbor because Nakhchivan is not a part of any country as much as a turd that Armenia shat out.
Georgia hates them because Georgians hate everybody.
The only people willing to hold any strong relations with Turkey are rich and powerful countries who need cheap lackeys, and only have to deal with smelly Turks at arm's length.
Realizing that everybody hated them (if a little slow on the uptake) Turkey decided they needed at least one neighbor they could count on, even if they had to make it themselves. So, sometime after WWII, they invaded the northern half of a tiny island, killed all the Greeks they could find, and declared it "Turkish republic of Northern Cyprus". However, as all the other countries have since realized that it, too, is not a real country, this operation is largely considered fail.
This same reasoning has been behind much of their oppression of the Kurds.
Turkey, like any secular, racist nation, hates whatever minority is predominant, and this being the Kurds, the Turks hate them and want them out of the country. However, Turkey could not allow them to secede, as that would mean yet another country bordering Turkey that hated it. So instead they tried to "assimilate" the Kurds by calling them 'mountain Turks' and pretending they had just forgotten how to speak the right language. Failing at that, the Turks have since leaned back toward their tried-and-trusted tactic of extermination (see Armenians, Assyrians, Greeks). For now, they are just waiting for the right time to do it full-scale.
Azerbaijan
| WARNING! WARNING! Azerbaijan is a sockpuppet of Turkey and seems to think that greed is a virtue! |
Azerbaijan is Turkey's retarded younger half-brother. Essentially the product of a Russian fucking a Turk up the ass, they have the stupidity and aggression of the latter combined with the psychotic paranoia of the former. Azerbaijan distinguishes itself as being the only country to evar get pwned by Armenia, the Azeris have been BAWWWING about this for over 15 years. Azeris essentially believe Turkey is the only country in the world better than their own, that Azerbaijan is the descendant of a silly made-up ancient country called "Caucasian Albania" (despite also claiming to be Turks) and that Western civilization, which is always trying to steal their goats and women, is under the control of the Armenian Lobby, who are actually Space Aliens that crashed on Mt. ARARAT 3 billion years ago. The Azeris Lay Claim to lands known as Nagarno-Karabakh and they got their ass handed to them by Armenia and its army of Super Alien robot gangsters. North Korea would be proud.
They also have the advantage of owning oil, but somehow this had made them neither richer nor less dirty.
A Turks favorite past-time
Playing Silkroad Online is the favorite past-time of any Turk, apart from their Jew-like obsession for gold which will be explained a little better in a second. Apart from spending their time in the kebab shops (their natural habitat) they spend their time on their PC watching turkey pr0n. Their obsession with gold must come from their interaction with Jews as they are one of the Dirty Assed Arab cultures they obviously encountered the Jews when they were stealing their land. This unhealthy obsession with gold has led them to the innocent unsuspecting game of Silkroad Online in which the Turks have now been terrorizing for over 3 years... The situation has got so bad you can not actually log in to the game without buying a special ticket from the item mall, which is suspected to now be owned by the Turks so that they can buy more gold with the money they make.
A Turk's Favorite Quote On Silkroad Online "Giyme Gold pls" .
Other great quotes include:
f0ck u mom f0ck u sister 10k plz g0ld plz PARTII PLIS lwl kaç nooop resss plis lol herif sus lollolololl (They don't know what lol is, so some people on Turkey use it as "stupid" or "stopit" as they call it.) slm agalar aga gold aga a.q
Other Turkish pastimes include e-molesting underage girls to do sexual activities on webcam. As Turkish people are number one pedophiles. This can be found simply by doing a google trend for "child porn" as well as any social networking website, as well as internet chatrooms. This activity is thought to exist because in Turkey there is no age of consent, as well as that Turkish men are teh ugliest of humans and therefore like to engage in sexual activity with children who naturally do not register their horrific looks and sexual intents.
Also a grown woman would mock the size of their penis. Which is always measured in cm if you are a Turk and is always over 30cm long. This is a lie as the Turkish populate is unable to have a penis any larger than 3 cm as it won't fit inside a baby properly.
P.S, If you ignore the BAWWWING Armenifag typing the shit above, you might notice that chubby middle aged women traveling to Turkey to get swarthy long Turkish dicks. Oh, I fucked one too. HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT I'M A BUTTHURT MONGOLIAN.
How to troll a Turk
- Tell him the Turks killed 1.5 million Armos in 1915 and 30000 Kurds.
- Tell him that Turks stole their cuisine from the Greeks.
- Tell him that döner sucks.
- Tell him that Ataturk was Jewish.
- Tell him that South Eastern Turkey will become a new state called Kurdistan.(Guaranteed to create an epic shitstorm by Turks from every political angle. After saying it, run like hell.)
- Tell him that Constantinople, Black Sea Region and all of Cyprus belongs to Greece.
- Say anything positive about Greece at all.
- Tell him that his country violates human rights worse than North Korea or Egypt.
- Tell him that they are Europe's Niggers.
- Ask him if they have fez and camels in their country and pray to Allah.
- Tell him that Midnight Express was a fantastic movie that brings to light problems in the Turkish justice and penal system.
- Tell him that your girlfriend went to Turkey one summer and got grossed out by all ogling, horny men and told this to her friends so that no white girl will ever come to Turkey again.
- Tell him that you're sick of his lazy relatives taking all the jobs in Frankfurt a.M.
- Tell him he's a thief and that his people should go back to fucking Central Asia.
- Tell him his country is very friendly towards Israel.
Videos
The favorite sport in Turkey; oiling each other up and grabbing each others cocks
Traditional Turkish Dance
Turks moving a train
Kurds in Turkish ghetto failing to learn learning English
Turkish Hackers
Rivaled only by the Kosovians in terms of skittishness and complete inability to spell the simplest of words, Turkish hackers break into unpopular, badly protected sites with a 2 year old exploit that they found on milw0rm, deface with a picture of the Turkish flag and insert pointless historical reference to remind people of a graet injustice that happened to the Turks well over 200 years ago, and blame it on the website owner.
| —Turkish skids deface a freewebs account |
Turks around the world
The Turks have a concept called Turan (Sort of like Turkish Nazis or KKK) where they believe that other people are really Turks and they just don't know it yet. A Partial list of peoples that the Turks believe to be Turks:
- Indians
- Kurds
- Finns
- Bulgarians
- Hungarians
- Armenians
- Georgians
- Kazakhs
- Koreans
- Japanese
- Eskimos
- Aliens
- Your Mom
See Also
