Atheist

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

For those obsessed with the Liberals that are destroying our Judaeo-Christian nation, Conservapedia has an article about Atheist.

A quick summary for those who wish to avoid the drama.

Atheism is a religion for people who worship themselves instead of God. As a Christian will typically quote the Bible during an argument, most atheists will quote The God Delusion. Since nearly every forum on this series of tubes we call "Internets" has a 70 page long religion thread, it is clear that much drama and BAWWW is had with such a sensitive topic. In this article we'll take a look at the atheists side of this eternal argument and attempt to glean important facts regarding their position. BEHOLD:

1 The Philosophy of Atheism
2 The Difference Between Atheists & Anti-Theists
3 Atheists OL
4 How to troll your average Atheist
- 4.1 Even ED isn't safe from the Butthurt Rampage of Atheists
5 Videos: "Reason" & "Logic" are their BFF
6 External Links
7 See Also

[edit] The Philosophy of Atheism

Touché.

Atheists tend to suffer from a rare, more aggressive form of unwarranted self-importance. Atheists typically think they are smarter than you no matter what. Just try to correct them on something and prepare to be blasted away with some "SERIOUS FUCKING LOGIC". Many also exhibit very serious cases of a persecution complex, believing that Secret Christian Anonymous Terrorists (SCAT) are trying to eradicate them by putting the word "God" in things. A high priest of Atheism discovered last Thursday that should a fellow Atheist hear the "Under God" portion of the Pledge of Allegiance three times within an hour, they will instantly convert to Christianity and then die. Ultimately, they will all just end up rotting in the ground.

Many atheists generally suffer under the delusion that religion somehow is the cause of all conflict and that it is directly responsible for every war and murder that has ever occurred in history, when in reality it is just a source of major lulz for their more temperate kin. Of course, most atheists fail to realize that, with or without religion, there will always be stupid people in the world who will fervently believe anything they read.

[edit] Christianity

Mr Nifflekins demolishes the beliefs of theologians everywhere.

Generally, all atheists are liberals or libertarians with serious superiority complexes who are often willing to argue with anyone, especially Xtians. Of course, potential adversaries usually line up to fight them. The ones who do get into such arguments are retarded 13-year-old girls who either call the atheists stupid close minded liberals (with good reason) and run away claiming victory or become seriously butthurt and retreat to their hugboxes to BAAAWWWWWW some more. Either way, the argument goes nowhere, neither viewpoint gains any ground one way or the other, and both participants are losers.

Recent studies reveal that atheists tend to be privileged enough to seriously suck at life yet still not get banned (or at least become an heroes). Thus, in an effort to prove to themselves and to the world that they aren't useless sacks of shit, they have the compulsion to argue with other useless sacks of shit (sheeple?) who don't have the time or interest or opportunity to think about such shit.

Many of them believe that some philosopher (e.g., Nietzsche or Karl Popper) has proved that atheism is correct. However, they will of course dismiss any philosopher that believes in God through the infallible argument that anyone that believes in a God is stupid, which means anything they say is stupid, which means that it would just be wasting the intellectually superior atheist's time. This is however irrelevent as all philosophers are batshit insane and emo anyway.

Atheists, who thinks that Christians is stoopid, have a tendency to use the words "irrational", "delusion", and anything that makes them look smart that revolves around these two words. Some even call themselves the "rational ones" who have plenty of facts against Christianity, but in the end no one gives a shit and they are still fat basement nerds who not even their mothers love.

[edit] Morality

A typical atheist

Atheists tend to gripe about how religious people say that they can't be moral. But if they don't believe in anything, why do they care about morality? The truth is, atheists have no morals; given the chance, they would rape and kill every member of your family, simply for the lulz of it. Trying to prove this to an atheist will result in a 10-page rant about how morals are natural and are pre-programmed to keep us from murdering our families, friends and neighbors for their delicious sandwiches. Nevertheless, the atheist will fail to realize that nobody gives a shit, and will keep on ranting until the listener gets bored and walks off. Some even take this idea that nihilism is better than morality to the extent of saying it's okay to fuck kids. Classic examples of such fucktards can be found editing the pages of Wikipedia, posting on Marilyn Manson message boards and failing at life. Those who aren't busy posting in threads about the deeper meanings in the lyrics of System of a Down also seem to like to vlog it up on the JewTubes and cry about how they are being mistreated by the evil "xians".

PROTIP: When in an encounter with an atheist and this issue comes up, simply point out that atheist dictators killed millions of people over the past century and murdered hundreds of thousands in an effort to eradicate religion itself, because, you know, mass murder is the inevitable result when a community becomes too intolerant of outlandish dogmas and too fond of critical thinking. The atheist will undoubtedly respond with, "BUT THEY DIDN'T KILL IN THE NAME OF ATHEISM!!11", which is bullshit, because they obviously did: Lenin, Mao, and Stalin all viewed religion as an obstacle to the ~~dictatorship of the proletariat~~ envisioned by Karl Marx and thus sought to remove this obstacle by any means necessary. Hitler was possibly the most important figure in this regard, as he viewed religion as an aspect in society that must be completely destroyed, producing over 9000 pieces of propaganda and speeches about the issue.

[edit] Sexuality

Of course under normal circumstances there isn't a woman underneath them.

Proven by polls and science is the fact that even Catholic priests get more ass than the typical atheist. This results in the atheist having to take an alternate path to survive, since no one wants to get buttfucked by a neckbearded yeti who thinks it knows everything.

Since atheists fail majorly at sex and no one wants them, there is no need to promote abstinence amoung their basement-dwelling, unwashed masses. This proves the fact that atheists are the leading cause of AIDS, STDs, and unwanted pregnancies.

This leads us to the conclusion that:

- Atheists have ~~thin~~ no dicks

- If there were no atheists, AIDS would be a rare STD (since most of Africa is clearly atheist)

[edit] Important Facts About Atheism

Black people can't be Atheists IRL due to class restrictions.
If you were born a Jew and converted to Atheism, you are still a Jew. You also did 9/11.
They have the ability to grow neckbeards at an accelerated rate.
They talk to each other using sarcasm so unclear, that only other atheists can translate it.
Atheists have the ability to think freely which helps them spell better OTI and find porn.
They are smarter than you since they've browsed various skeptic's publications.
All Atheists became Atheists because they know they are going to ~~Hell and are in denial~~ become mindless, soulless automatons killing millions of people and knocking on your door during your dinner to give you pamphlets in the name of god and all that bullshit if they don't. They may later claim it was all done for the lulz.
Most extremist atheists get their knowledge of the Bible only by searching "bible contradictions" on Google.

[edit] The Difference Between Atheists & Anti-Theists

Atheists are happy to admit their mistakes - except they don't make mistake because they're atheists.

An atheist is somebody who does not believe in God. An anti-theist is somebody who will go into screaming rage about the evils of religion because the other choir boys didn't try to rape him, thus leaving him with an acute inferiority complex. Not all atheists are anti-theists, but all anti-theists are atheists - otherwise they would be missing the point.

Atheists who are not anti-theists are either Buddhist, Fagnostic or Agnostic. Thus proving evolution can go backwards.

Unfortunatly for them, pro-theist atheists are also the target of anti-theists - because anyone who supports religion in any way i.e. "believing in belief", going to a church funeral or wedding, or donating to a religious charity etc. will be savagly ripped apart for being a Christ enabler and tortured as traitors.

Despite this for some strange reason anti-theists will go into another soapbox speech when they are compared to dictators or other extremists.

If you want me to respect YOUR religion then you respect MY religion! No wait . . .

[edit] Atheists OL

Every Atheists' wet dream

Whenever religion is brought up on any message board or forum anywhere, expect it to be flooded by hardcore neck-bearded atheists. Atheists are world-renowned for shitting up religious discussion with posts that can usually be summed up as "This bullshit you call religion is basically crap made up by cave dwelling, goat-fucking rednecks 6,000 years ago with no real proof any of this shit really happened," no matter how intelligent or rationalized seems. Atheists commonly complain about how religion is like a herd mentality meant to control the masses, without realizing that shitting yourself over anyone with any sort of theistic beliefs is far more obnoxious than the religious people they frequently whine about. Christians, in this case, have the upper-hand over atheists for not going into shitfits over religious discussion on an internet forum.

In this example, a YouTube atheist reacts to someone making a Wii Mii of Jesus. Very typical for an internets atheist.

In this example an internet group discusses atheism. Note how for once the Christians seem like the sane ones. Also note the inability of certain users from this site to countenance the fact that atheists are frothy-mouthed batshit psychos.

Typical atheist protesting Bu$h's inauguration.

Listening to angry atheist rants on the internet, one can detect a common sentiment or strain of thought running throughout. This sentiment goes something like this: "Atheists are inherently smarter than theists. All theists are ignorant and irrational because of the very fact that they are theists. Why bother engaging those stupid, dim sheeple in actual debate when they are so very, very ignorant?" This is why atheists generally come across as arrogant, whiny assholes.

It is also to remember that no atheist can understand lulz, as lulz, being a corruption of lol, means Love Our Lord. It is therefore impossible for a godless heathen to understand. No lulz may be had when you are too busy whining about how people who go out in the sun or shave are just deluding themselves and are too stupid to understand the workings of the universe which these fat, neckbearded slobs of course fully understand.

Another reason atheists generally come across as arrogant, whiny assholes is their long revered standard of ad hominem attacks on those with whom they happen to not agree. Rather than actually engaging into some form of serious debate with those silly theists and having the flaws of atheist positions shown as having no merit whatsoever, it is easier to attack theists and dismiss them personally based on presumably lower intellect, lack of scientific proof, etc.

Most of the time, however, an atheist will suddenly decide that it's a chance to fuck Christianity anally by saying "Where is your god now?" or "God does not exist" in ALL CAPS, at any event like 9/11 that an atheist can use to blame on God.

[edit] Sources of drama

Standard atheists' response to this article

Many people hold their religious beliefs very strongly. Many other people hold their supposedly non-religious beliefs even more strongly. As we all know, conflicting beliefs result easily in delicious drama. Thus, Atheists are a prime source of drama, both as subjects and creators.

YouTube has a sizable population of Atheists on it, mostly represented by the local diocese, Rational Response Squad. You can check out their "Blasphemy Challenge" to see kids bummed about church and that their parents won't buy them iPods. You may even be able to spot a few rare African-American "Atheists!" You can oftentimes receive boners from the angry responses from fellow Atheists who give out poor comment points to anyone that demands Tits or GTFO to any female Atheists.

The majority of atheists must always, and will forever, debate who is the biggest idiot for believing in religion. In addition, some atheists believe that atheism is the belief in nothing religious: this is also bullshit.

Most atheists cannot stand each other; putting two together in a closet usually results in a deadly battle of who can fuck the other in the ass faster.

[edit] Atheist Quotes

An atheist in its natural habitat. Clearly, this is an example of Nietzsche's Übermensch ideal.

"I feel very attached to the idea of atheism , that we are free to do whatever we want. (Not that my parents buy into that) And there is no proof their is a god, so HA!!"

"...herd those goons into labs and perform experiments on them instead of on the animals. Wouldn't that solve the whole problem? No animals will be harmed, and this will be a good way to remove some anti-science goons from the gene pool. A whole new generation of lab rats will be born!" Real Quote

"Well, fuck off and shove a brick up your ass, because who ever gave you the right to speak for me and for all the other non-appeaser atheists?" Crackpot science worshiping atheist

"HAWHAWHAR YOU BELIEVE IN A GOD THAT DOESN'T EXIST!!! Well, see you at school."

"In atheism we give you a blank slate to write your on life. I wrote mine in my dads basement with YouTube videos that aren't doing shit."

"If it takes a group to make you strong, not only does that make you cowardly, it means you are weak, and hiding behind other weak people, just like a fucking gang. This is the basis of religion. A mass of stupid people saying "do as we say or i will kill you". That doesn't make you right, that makes you a Nazi."

"Not that x-tians care, since Hitler was the christian poster boy anyway. Atheism is not criticism, it is logic. Christianity is criticism, of everything that doesn't fit into its stupid little niche of stupidity."

"this is a true symbol of the new church here in europe...good that I'm atheistical ."

"IM SO SICK AND TIRED OF CHRISTIANS PUSHING THEIR BELIEFS ON ME, i mean every year i go to buy something at the store and I see HAPPY HOLLIDAYS and it pisses me off so much i mean Christians are everywhere i mean its like UHHGGGGG but anyway this year its gonna be different. i just got down purchasing my ANTI-god pin. im going to every place where they sell christmas trees and all the "happy" (yeah more like BRAINWASHED) familys will see my anti-god pin and i will silently protest this stupid holliday yeah go atheists!"

-Idiot who was soon after killed off by his less fucktarded brethren.

"I'm smarter than you because I've got a science degree" Richard Dawkins

"WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW!!!!1111???2222" Almost every atheist in the world

"So... you 'respect my belief, or lack of any'? Well... that's very nice... but it is a red flag that screams out intellectual shallowness and lack of critical-thinking skills.

"I do not respect your beliefs. I think they're stupid... therefore, it would be stupid to 'respect' them. That logic is really not that difficult.

However... I DO respect your inherent right to delude yourself in any manner that you deem fit... provided that you do not attempt to impose those beliefs upon me and my family, our schools, our public institutions and our government." See "DuckPhup" - a respectable atheist

[edit] OMFG CENSORSHIP!!!oneoneone

When confronted about their h8 and intolerance, Atheists tend to go on a screaming rant about how they are being OMFG CENSORED, saying things like "I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO SAY WHAT I WANT, ALL I AM TRYING TO DO IS CRITICIZE RELIGION, U R VIOLATING MY FREE SPEECH BY CALLING ME 'INTOLERANT' JUST BECAUSE I THINK THAT ALL XTIANS R STUPID DELUDED IDIOTS WHO DESERVE TO BE TORTURED AND KILLED OR LOCKED UP AND MEDICATED".

Thus we arrive at the atheist's definition of "free speech", which is essentially: When I attack you, it's just criticism, but when you attack me, it's OMFG CENSORSHIP!!!111!!!1

[edit] How to troll your average Atheist

Use this comic to troll atheists!

"Jesus died for your sins"

"God doesn't believe in atheists."

"If evolution is true, why are there still monkeys?" (this one in particular will tell you whether or not you have found the rare breed of atheist that isn't completely retarded, since most educated people can answer it)

"Evolution is only a theory"

Pretend to be really surprised and full of pity when the atheist mentions his lack of faith.

Complain about the bias against intelligent design.

"God did it...your science is NOTHING without God"

PROTIP: Always capitalize God, and then point out that such Atheists often capitalize science and nature, proving that they worship them; thus proving that they are pagans OMG!