Army
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
The Army is a big gun controlled by pure fucking stupidity.
Contents |
[edit] History
The Army began last century, when a group of Live Action Role Players decided to meet up for a game of Counter-Strike. Because the internet had not been invented back then, nobody had anything to do, so the LARPers soon found themselves joined by thousands of men from the North (terrorists) and South (counter-terrorists) of the USA.
Things soon got out of hand and the game descended into a civil war which, despite its name, was not very civil at all. Eventually the Government decided that they didn't want their country to be known as "that one with the LARPers" and so they invented a new history about slaves and land rights and all that shit.
However, everyone had such fun that they decided they should form a regular LARPing group and so America's Role/MUD Youth, or Army, was born.
[edit] The Modern Army
Since then, the Army has received Government funding and awesome weapons in exchange for holding their games in countries which have declared war on America, or have the potential to attack America, or have just looked at America a bit funny.
Modern Army battles involve each team (or "platoon") killing everyone they meet. Ten points are awarded for each enemy killed, twenty for every enemy vehicle destroyed or captured, thirty for every enemy building destroyed or captured and five points for each civilian killed. A friendly-fire bonus is awarded for shooting down British aircraft or dropping bombs on their soldiers. A swift technique used by the German army to quickly invade certain miles of ground is called the Holocaust.
The winner is the first one to unfurl a big banner saying "MISSION ACCOMPLISHED". However, games can often go on for months or years afterward, often to the embarrassment of the Government. Should this happen, the only way to end the game is to stop shipping in Mountain Dew until everyone goes home. There are also special games including capture the flag (self explanatory), co-operative play (work with the foreign police force until you get bored, then kill them) and rescue the hostages (America has never actually managed to win this game so far).
[edit] The Soldiers
The Army is largely made up of pooror, idiotic country music fans and, during times of war, Blacks and Mexicans and a few women. These members are called soldiers, a term "borrowed" from Final Fantasy 7.
Many people in the Southern states of the USA own guns because the American Constitution says that they can form militias in the event of a home game. Hardcore soldiers regard these people as total n00bs.
[edit] Nigras In The Army
As of last Thursday, the Army is approximately 32 percent black, compared to RL's 9 percent. The Army can now steal Iraqi bikes and close pools with greater efficiency than evar before, thanks to h00j enlistment bonuses having lured plenty of nigras. Soldiers' clothing stipends are being increased to accommodate the transition from ACU to the three-piece suit, and regulations now permit the afro in lieu of high-and-tight.
