Arielle Newman
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
| This article is a keg of shit that has been fermenting so long it's just about ready to explode. It is an abhorrence and blasphemy of Encyclopediadramatica's good name.
You can help by fixing it or it will be deleted within the next few days. All crap articles are in the same boat. |
One fateful Monday night Notre Dame track star Arielle Newman walked into her home and told her mother that she had been harassed by a group of boys nearby a park. The next morning, Alice Newman went to wake her daughter; Her daughter lying face down in a pool of her own vomit.
[edit] Masking the pain
After 911 was called and all the drama llamas had left, the cause of death was what we all suspected: Topical Sports Cream. Instead of doing something rational when her legs were sore from all her stupid running, (like, I don't know, stop running?) Arielle decided to coat her body with medicine. Failing to realize that all medicine when taken in large quantities can prove fatal, she wound up dead. Of course much dramas ensued from this event, causing Fox 5's doctors to get on the case and explain to all its viewers that medicine can be harmful. However, despite what both the labels and doctors said, people chose to believe that all Sports Cream is now harmful, no matter in what moderation it is taken in. There were also many reports informing the retards on the "Dangers of Sports creams" (Because every time someone dies from something unexpected, there are plenty of informing reports on it and the dangers of it.). A synthetic form methyl salicylate was used in attempt to save money by Pfizer, the company that produces Bengay, in an attempt to save money. This form can cause a buildup and prove fatal as opposed to the natural form which is readily absorbed and does not.
[edit] External links
Categories: Crap | People
