Anonynurse
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Annonynurse is the handle of a /b/tard who claims to be a registered male nurse. According to his story, he works night shifts in an unnamed geriatric care facility. His posts, written in the style of a serial novella, detail his budding relationship with the youngest addition to the patient roster: a seven year old girl and multiple-amputee whom he's expressed sexual interest in. His first /b/ post appeared on the 17th of December, 2006, and have been updated almost nightly thereafter.
Assuming the posts aren't the output of a talented postmodern novelist, this man is a pedophile. It's also possible this is some kind of sublimely perverse Christmas Story.
Contrary to his clearly-stated sexual fantasies and desires, when /b/tards raised objections to his latent pederasty, Annonynurse stridently protested his innocence. "Much lulz ensued."
His /b/ threads have become legendary. The two or three hundred replies his posts receive fall into roughly one of four categories:
- I don't habeeb it!
- You are a sick, sick fuck.
- Your story warms my heart because I'm illiterate and didn't notice that you're a pedophile.
- Your story warms my heart because I'm a pedophile.
As of the 22nd December, 2006, he's outlined his plan to win her trust, adopt, and eventually seduce or otherwise molest the girl once she's under his roof. After being spammed with roughly 2*1023rd posts in the second category, he toned down the sexual angle. To new readers his current threads seem perfectly innocent. This makes them especially creepy to those who've read prior posts.
[1], dubbed Damaged Goods, has inspired a line of insipid fanart. Apparently pedophilia is big in Wapan.
[edit] Pedophillic statements
"God, she's so cute, she's half-japanese, but has blonde hair, and the rest of her body that didn't get cut away is just perfect, she used to be a gymnast, it seems."
"Anyway, my question: Should I stick it in her pooper (among other things)? I mean, she isn't going to be able to resist, and I can go in there when she's asleep, then cover up her good eye and mouth before she even knows I'm there, with all the drugs she's on. She's so messed up mentally that she probably wouldn't tell anyone, considering she's barely talked to all the shrinks they've had her seeing since the accident. I'm a pretty gentle guy, and there's plenty of lube around here (obviously), and it'd be pretty easy to clean her up afterward, too."
"Well, this is why I specified the pooper. I mean, they use adult-size colonoscopies on kid-sized colons, and they aren't sent straight from the imaging department to the ER for OMG RECTAL DISASTER."
"It makes sense, though, because she really hates her wheelchair...the first time I answered one of her calls at night, I'd wheeled it out to put her in it, since that's standard procedure, but she asked me not to use it, so I carried her, instead. I guess that's the first time I thought about her in an illegal manner, really."
"Ok, OP here: I won't be poopering her in the foreseeable future. I mean, when /b/ can come down at least in the slight minority against doing a barrel roll into a loli, it clearly isn't the right course of action, though I guess I did know that already."
"Um, I have to admit, she didn't seem to get at all distressed until she may have possibly noticed me looking down there, which I quickly stopped doing, just before I caught her looking away as well, out of my peripheral vision. I was being pretty unprofessional, it's true, since I'd never had any inclination to look at any other of my patients taking a piss before..."
[edit] Pedophile denial
"There is no coldhearted raping in the forecast. And yes, I am quite aware that any sex with an immature person is rape, 'consenting' or not...and I'm not a fucking rationalizing pedo that'd say 'oh, children can be totally mature as any adult, man...' I didn't go looking for this situation. Fuck. "
"Well, to be fair, I haven't raped anyone else so far. Perfect record!"
"For the record, I never actually said I WANTED to stick it in her pooper. Even the remarks I did make were asking /b/ if I SHOULD stick it in her pooper. And providing risk/benefit details for analysis. Through a /b/ filter. But anyway: No, I am not particularly inclined to stick it in her pooper at this moment in time, no. "
[edit] Links
Damaged Goods lovingly archived by the pederasts of wikichan.
