AnonIB
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
| ? | |
| Foundation | May 2006 |
| Major Boards | Teens No Rules, Scene V3, Stickam Girls and Cam Sluts, bookchan |
| Epic Wins | board hosting, |
| Website | AnonIB |
Established in May 2006 by boy genius Alphabet, AnonIB became one of the leading "new /b/'s" following the original /b/'s downfall on August 23, 2006. It quickly rose to become become one of the interweb's leading image dumps, specializing in furry, yiff, CP and wall to wall fail. Despite its questionable content and mentally handicapped userbase, the site ran smoothly for nearly two years, until The Supreme Fucktard Mindpoop took over administration and decided to buttfuck its userbase for the lulz.
On April 1st 2008, Anonib was blackbagged by the partyvan, largely due to Mindpoop's unbelievable faggotry. The original site vanished into the ether, resulting in the tragic loss of over 9000 child pr0n boards. Millions of pedophiles were left homeless in ensuing chaos, which is now known to be linked to the Economic Reccession currently gripping the United States. The New Improved AnonIb finally returned around July 2008, with perverts and furfags scrambling to recreate their sick fuck pedo-boards before The man could assraep them again.
Fully updated with computer-destroying pop-ups and batshit crazy moderators, AnonIB now functions as the final cesspool for all of the shit generated by 4chan and its rivals. Every gross, disgusting, tired old meme to ever grace the tubes eventually finds its way to AnonIB (along with the masturbating fucktards who originally posted them). Individual boards cater to a wide range of interests relating to naked children and barnyard animals. By far the most popular board is Mindpoop's very own Teens No Rules (TNR) which manages to combine the two areas in ways never before imagined, even in Your mum's sickest fantasies.
Contents |
[edit] Historical overview
Some time ago in the dim, dark recesses of last thursday, a promising young genius named Alphabet envisioned a scheme under which every single furfag in the universe could create his very own 4Chan with a minimum of trouble. Unaware of the horror he was about to unleash on the unsuspecting world, Alphabet named his new site AnonIB; Anonymous Image Board. The new system was viewed as a godsend by furries and pedofags (mostly because they couldn't post their sick-ass shit anywhere else), and was an immediate success with basement dwellers across the globe. Before long, AnoniIBs were erupting forth like cum over a camwhore's face, and every pathetic loser in the States had an imageboard to call his own - even the dimmest morons too fucking stupid to learn basic php.
AnonIB flourished well under Alphabet's administration; so well, in fact, that the bandwidth soon outstripped AB's limited resources, leading to intermittent downtime and major BAAAAWWWING from the furries (not that anyone cared about them, of course). Alphabet himself was reduced to begging donations on several occasions, but AnonIB's userbase proved amazingly loyal, sometimes contributing as much as five dollars to help keep the site running. The show limped along like this for almost two years, and though money was always tighter than a Republican's asshole, the kiddie pr0n continued growing at an exponential rate and everybody was happy.
(except maybe The Partyvan, but we'll get into that later)
The real problems began when Alphabet handed Anonib over to online pornographer Mindpoop. A pathological liar in every sense of the word, Mindpoop has often claimed to have bought the site from Alphabet for several hundred thousand dollars, but this is complete bullshit, like everything else he says. Internet detectives have conclusively proven that Alphabet gave the site to this money grasping, child-molesting faggot because he simply couldn't afford to run it any more. Some argue nothing, because this is the truth, and Mindshit has since proven himself to be the biggest cunt on the interwebs.
Having AnonIB firmly in his cum-smeared hands, Mindshit immediately set about raping the site with banners ads, pop ups, pop overs, pop unders, interstitials and every other kind of shit imaginable. User complaints were either ignored or met with open contempt; in some cases, posters were told to bend over the table and spread their cheeks for penetrative buttsecks. Anyone who objected to the changes was flamed into submission by Mindpoop's hired trolls, and all mention of Alphabet's 'Golden Age' was forbidden on pain of immense butthurt.
[edit] The Party Van
By the end of March, Mindshit's faggotry had reached levels that even the FBI couldn't ignore, and the Partyvan turned its attention to AnonIB's writhing cesspool of pedo-flavored crap. Absolutely no warning was given: the first sign of the approaching lollercaust came when the entire site vanished without a trace in April 2008. Chaos spread through the intertubes like a torrent of liquid shit: yiffers and pedofags alike were left jerking off to empty computer screens, while millions of dimwitted basement-dwellers were forced to return to 12chan in search of tender young loli flesh. It was the biggest online Bawwwwfest since the Borg invasion of 2007, only with infinitely more fail for everyone concerned.
As usual, the blame could only be placed on the site's new administration. Spending most of his free time fucking Krazyfag in the ass, Mindshit somehow failed to notice the vast amounts of kiddie porn being exchanged hand-over-dick on Teens No Rules and other child-friendly boards. In retrospect, the result was as predictable as it was unavoidable: The Man confiscated the entire fucking intertubes and AnonIB disappeared faster than a camslut's hymen on her twelth birthday.
Eventually the butthurt cleared long enough for someone to ask WTF was going on. Needless to say, answers were not immediately forthcoming: Mindshit was too busy trying to evade the complimentary cavity search at Partyvan Central. Knowing that thousands of angry /b/tards were now howling for his blood ("WHAT HAPPENED TO MY FUCKING BOARD YOU GOAT-HUMPING SHITBAG??!!!"), Mindshit did what he always does best: he lied through his fucking teeth to shift the blame onto someone else. And as usual, the userbase swallowed it with as much relish as Sarah Palin gorging on John McCain's diseased, yellow pecker-snot.
According to Mindshit, AnonIB was the victim of some vast global conspiracy or some shit (the details are unclear, his story's changed so many times it's impossible to fucking tell these days). Here's how the tale originally went:
When Mindshit tried to switch servers in March, the new hosts tried to extort money out him, demanding around 20K in hookers and blow to keep their mouths shut about the child pr0n boards. It was later revealed that these so-called service providers were actually a consortium of international cyber-terrorists with connections to al-Qaeda, 9/11, and Scientology. When Mindshit bravely told them to fuck off, they handed the hard drives over to the FBI (who now has the IP address of every last pervert who ever visited the site, or so the story goes).
In short, Mindshit wasn't to blame for AnonIB's miserable failure in April 2008: it was greedy multinationals, Mulsim terrorists and the Japanese Yakuza who took down thousands of boards full of epic porn at a single stroke. IT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE FACT THAT MINDSHIT IS A BRAINLESS RETARD WHO CAN'T WRITE A LINE OF PHP. IT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH HIS TOTAL INCOMPETENCE AS AN ADMINISTRATOR, OR THE FACT THAT HE WAS TOO BUSY JERKING OFF AT TNR TO NOTICE WHAT WAS GOING ON IN THE REST OF THE SITE. AND IT DEFINITELY HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HIS BEING A CYNICAL, MONEY-GRASPING FAGGOT WHO ONLY CARES ABOUT MAKING CASH AND DOESN'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT HIS USERBASE, AMIRITE?!
Many epic threads containing reams of original content were lost when the FBI seized the disks; these will probably never be returned. Since The New Improved AnonIB went back online, there are many more rules about what you can post, anything with nudes under 18 is not allowed, teens no rules now has a fuck ton of rules and whenever something good is posted the girl who it is posts threatening to send the partyvan over - the mods/admins then shit themselves and delete the threads. They even ban for saying what you would do to an underage girl. The new owners also raped the site with banners ads, pop ups, pop overs, pop unders, interstitials and every other kind of advert you can think of. Under the new owners, the only board doing well is Sage Freehaven's board of furfaggotry, and even there, both you and your computer will be thoroughly assraped by various forms of cancer.
[edit] Global Moderators
Due to a massive crapflood of spam, CP and Fail last thursday, the New Anonib is now patrolled by the Global Moderators, a band of inbred neo-nazi faggots whose sole purpose is to ban anyone they don't like. Potential drama hovers around defcon 4: hardly a day goes by without one of these bleeding cunts pitching a childish BAAAAWWWfest over some trivial user complaint. The worst offender is KrazyPyro77, a worthless, dog-fucking sack of shit who only managed to score moderator status by sucking Mindshit's dick every day for three months at least one hundred years. This subhuman clusterfuck often claims to be Polish to cover up the fact that he can't spell for shit, and will instantly banhammer anyone who points out his rampant, illiterate faggotry. This is invariably followed by a protracted BAAAAWWWW about how no one appreciates all the hard work he does uploading kiddie porn to Teens No Rules.
Other popular mods include Fromstf and JD, whose job it is to hunt down and delete any board lacking homosexual content. The remainder of the staff are a coalition of world class assholes who spend most of their time ruining the internets and jacking off to pictures of Bill O'Reilly. They can usually be found hanging out on the New Suggestions Board when they aren't out playing Internet Tough Guy or encouraging little boys to suck their lolipops. This is where the majority of Anonib drama actually takes place, largely due to everyone knowing that the mods are a bunch of sick fuck pedo-fags. Basically, anyone who objects to the vast number of CP boards gets raeped up the ass and banned until the end of time; the only ones who escape summary judgement are those willing to kiss Krazypro's puckery asshole at least 9000 times.
Please note that while the New Suggestions Board says "post your complaints/issues/suggestions here", ordinary users are forbidden to voice their grievences on pain of death. Mindpoop actually set up the board to give the Global Mods somewhere to whine like the butthurt little bitches they truly are. Consequently, the slightest hint of criticism will get your ass b& for the next sixty years, so just watch your fucking step, faggot!!!
[edit] The Pop-under Virus Saga
Amongst the many crapshit changes introduced by the new administration were literally thousands of pop-unders, each one capable of evading even the most sophisticated ad-blocker. In spite of the admin's official explanation, these pop-unders were not added to increase the site's revenue, but rather out of a malicious desire to seriously fuck up your computer. This was accomplished through the use of drive-by downloads and numerous viruses (including the dreaded MicrosoftEXE), leading to the destruction of over 9000 hardrives and the economic collapse of Iceland.
Eventually, some brave soul ventured to point out that it did not make good business sense to fuck with your userbase and drive them away by the millions; unfortunately, he was immediately assraped with the banhammer and forced to suck Krazypro's cock for six months. Despite intensive buttfucking by the Global mods, the complaints continued to mount up as countless users had their systems infected. The Admin immediately reacted to the problem by adding more pop-unders and instructing the Global Mods to kill anyone who complained. Fromstf and several nerds from the TechHelp board suggested using Firefox plug-ins such as greasemonkey, but most people thought he was discussing his sexual fantasies again. A few users actually appealed directly to Mindpoop himself; however, he was too busy assfucking his pet monkey to bother answering his emails. And so things stood for at least one hundred years, with users BAAAWWWING that the pop-unders were destroying their computers and the Globals screaming "STFU you faggots, we don't fucking care!!!"
A typical example from the New Suggestions board:
ANONYMOUS:
I think my computer got a virus from one of the pop-unders. The admin really needs to do something about this.
GLOBAL MOD:
SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU STINKING LITTLE DRAMA-FAGGOT!!! THE ADMIN DOESN'T HAVE TO DO SQUAT!!! IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE POP-UNDERS, GET THE FUCK OUT AND START YOUR OWN DAMNED BOARD, YOU WORTHLESS, DOG-FUCKING INGRATE!!!
ANONYMOUS:
Jeez, things were never like this under Alphabet.
GLOBAL MOD:
ALPHABET DOESN'T OWN THIS BOARD ANYMORE, YOU COCKSMOKING SACK OF PIGSHIT!!! THIS SITE COSTS $9,000,000 AN HOUR TO MAINTAIN, AND THE POP-UNDERS PAY THE BILLS!!! IF YOU CAN'T PUT UP WITH A COUPLE OF VIRUSES DESTROYING YOUR HARDRIVE EVERY TIME YOU LAND ON THE SITE, THEN THAT'S JUST TOUGH SHIT, ISN'T IT??!!! NOW CRAWL BACK TO YOUR BASEMENT AND FUCK YOUR FAT WHORE OF A MOTHER UP THE ASS AGAIN!!!
ANONYMOUS: Surely you don't want malware on the site.
GLOBAL MOD:
OK, THAT'S IT!!! I'M SICK AND TIRED OF YOU WHINING FAGGOTS BAAAWWWWING ABOUT HOW BAD THINGS ARE AROUND HERE!!! BANNED FOR LIFE, YOU PIECE OF SHIT FUCKTARD!!! KEEP THE FUCK OFF OUR SITE!!! IF WE CATCH YOU HERE AGAIN WE'LL RAEP YOU UP THE ASS WITH A RUSTY CHAINSAW!!!
The malware continued raeping AnonIB like Hitler in Poland until Mindpoop took a break from his cocksucking and noticed the drop in revenue as users abandoned the crap-infested site by the droves. Instantly shitting his pants, MP realized that fucking over his user-base wasn't, in fact, good for business, and set about rectifying the oversite. This consisted mainly of posting one message admitting there may be a problem; claiming that the administration has no control over which pop-unders contain malware; and to report it to your friendly Global Mods if an infection occurs. Mindpoop presumably returned to his beloved buttsecks soon afterwards, as no one has heard from him since.
As of this writing, AnonIB is still flooded with viruses, pop-ups and assorted faggotry. Practically nothing has changed, except that the Admin is now fragging any board containing 3d rendered pr0n. Evidently, computer-generated CP (completely legal under US law, BTW) is considered a greater threat than the thousands of malicious pop-unders currently infesting the site.
NB: A very special message from an EXTREMELY butthurt Mod:
OK, here is the truth from an Anonib mod - Krazy thinks he is an Admin and pisses off the rest of the moderation staff with his sucking up; Fromstf and AnonibMOD try to keep the boards clean. Mindpoop is a Faggot who shows up who every month or so trying to piss off the mods and userbase with some new rule, proving he only cares about the under age pr0n on TNR (that the mods try to keep off), all the while telling the rest of the site it can go fuck itself.
TLDR: BAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!
[edit] How to troll Anonib
Trolling Anonib's Global Moderators is almost ridiculously simple. Just go to the New Suggestions Board and do any of the following:
- Claim that you are an underaged girl whose nude photos have been plastered all over one of Anonib's 15,000 child pr0n boards. Be very careful not to mention which board or provide any otherwise 'useful' information.
- Post a message demanding that all of the 3D lolicon boards be shut down on the grounds that they're child porn. Then sit back and enjoy the shitfest while the pedo-fags start screaming that 3D loli is not illegal and that jacking off to CG pics of little girls being fucked up the ass is the Constitutional Right of every red-blooded American pervert!!1!
- Pretend to be Chris L. Hanssen and write a long, childish message complaining that someone is harassing you. Utter chaos will ensue for at least six hours, because everyone absolutely hates this guy (Note: this particular Chris Hanssen is NOT the man with the seat).
- Post a batshit crazy message threatening legal action if Teens No Rules isn't shut down by last Thursday. Follow up with some samefag replies supporting the idea.
- Announce to the world that the Global Mods are a bunch of lazy, incompetent faggots, then apply for KrazyPyro's job on the grounds that at least you can read English.
- Complain that the NSFW sites don't load in IE. This will get you banned until the next Ice Age for some reason.
- Post a picture of Patrick Stewart (who is bald) onto any board you come across, then report it to the Global Mods as CP (Captain Pickard, gettit?).
- BAAAAWWWWW that you were unfairly banned from
someany board. This will generate a lulzfest of titanic proportions.
- Pretend to be some crapshit DA fanartist whose work has been posted to AnonIB without permission. For extra lulz, say that your copyright notice has been deliberately removed, and that you'll be taking legal action if the pics aren't taken down immediately (NB: be sure to mention that your uncle is a big city lawyer, this is practically mandatory on AnonIB).
- Post a link to THIS ARTICLE. Make sure you use a proxy, as you will win an instant banhammer for your efforts. Then find another proxy and post it again, just to piss them off. You can keep the pricks tearing their fucking hair out all day long that way.
[edit] Trolling Individual Boards
Go to Sage Freehaven's and call him a FUCKING ASSHOLE in all caps. Be sure to sign the post Chris Hanssen. Trust me, it always works - he absolutely hates that guy.HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS. Freehaven's board has moved to a new site dedicated to furfags, drama and wall to wall fail.
- Go to Editing4EVAR and tell them that tracing is against the law. This will initiate a lollercaust of butthurt flaming and get you added to their pissy little 'Known Faggots' list.
- Go to Chris Hanssen's worthless fail of a board and call him a FUCKING RETARD in all caps. Be sure to sign the post Sage Freehaven. Trust me, it always works - he absolutely hates that guy.
- Fanime Imageboard - a totally CRAPSHIT fanart board with a batshit crazy mod. These pricks are practically begging to be trolled, as demonstrated by the message posted at the top of the page: "THIS IS NOT 4CHAN. TROLLS, FLAMERS AND OTHER FAGGOTS WILL BE BANNED FOR THE SHIT THAT THEY ARE. IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE ARTWORK, SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET THE FUCK OUT." Be sure to tell them that their "art" sucks like Ann Coulter going down on Bill O'Reilly and that even DA shows more creativity.
- Troll the metalfags on Metalchan by turning on CRUISE CONTROL and reminding them that only inbred hillbillies and retards still listen to metal. For maximum butthurt make threads about how nu metal and metalcore "revolutionized" the genre.
[edit] Differences from 4/b/
Unlike /b/, which is a single imageboard, AnonIB is actually a host for hundreds of image boards which are divided up into individual /b/tard interests such as yiffing, ebooks, tits, and invasions. It should be noted that AnonIB allows users to create their own boards, thus new furry porn boards were created every week, for users who couldn't put their hand on the mouse long enough to scroll down. Someone is also mirroring 4chan's "/k/ - Weapons" board. Noone knows why.
[edit] TeensNoRules
The most popular NSFW image boards hosted on AnonIB is the "_TeensNoRules", and Scene_v3 (complete with underscore for 1337 edginess). On this board you will find a plethora of misguided teenage girls, horny old men and CP spammers. Really, its like /b/, but with less memes and more dead-eyed, stoic masturbation. (Back online) Disregard that, nothing to see here except the partyvan.
[edit] Status, updates, downtime and v&
- Check the current AnonIB blog for updates and downtime. AnonIB has a history of server wonkiness.
- Downtime as of April 25: The hoster where the new server is located at wanted $20k a month for bandwidth bills and pulled the site.
- As of May 1st, 2008, AnonIB is up again although without backups. AnonibAdmin##LOL## stated that they got v& and the partyvan has their hard drives due to their hosting company suspecting that CP had been posted on the server. This spells certain doom for all patrons of the site, both past and present.
[edit] See Also
Categories: Stub | Sites | 4chan
