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Animal abuse

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

(Redirected from Animal cruelty)
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Contents

Abuse Explained

A good man photographed this for your eyes only!
A good man photographed this for your eyes only!
KAWAII DESU
KAWAII DESU
If that isn't asking for it, then I don't know what is.
If that isn't asking for it, then I don't know what is.
Lyndon B. Johnson committing a hate crime.
Lyndon B. Johnson committing a hate crime.

STEP 1: In one of your more serious moments you put down your coke and stop huffin' da Jenkem, you pick up your kitty, put him in a cage and then pour lighter fluid all over it.
STEP 2: You get your lighter, and contemplate the glorious funeral pyre your cat is to become.
STEP 3: Just like NEDM you are filming the last wonderful minutes of your kitty's life.

For you see, animal cruelty is a worthy pastime that is both profitable and lulzy. There is nothing more rewarding in life then going home, getting bit by your dog and then hitting the little fuckers head with a hammer till it passes out. Another good one is to get some alka-seltzer, put it into bread, and then feed it to an annoying seagull. The seagull, being the fat greedy bastard it is, happily takes the bread, and explodes in a torrent of lulz.

This has been known to make chanfags butthurt, so expect to see vandalism in this page from time to time.

Vegans

The HA! HA! Guy always tells the truth.
The HA! HA! Guy always tells the truth.

Vegans are probably healthier than YOU. However, since you are probably morbidly obese, this proves nothing. Vegans are easily identified by being grossly underweight and frail from the lack of nutrients and iron that sweet, sweet flesh provides. They are also prone to wrinkles caused by their constant scowling and anti-lulz.

Vegetarian American (TM) animals marching their way onto America's palate for a delicious 4th of July feast.
Vegetarian American (TM) animals marching their way onto America's palate for a delicious 4th of July feast.
PETA protests: IRL trolling goldmines.
PETA protests: IRL trolling goldmines.

Children that are forced into the vegan lifestyle are notoriously more brittle than a 90 year old (but less useful for buttsecks) and are just as likely to break their hip. They have compromised immune systems and are more likely to suffer from illness and shorter life-spans due to malnutrition from birth, as their mother's tit juice is often lacking in antibodies and nutrients. When exposing vegan children to meat, be careful to do so in small doses as large quantities will result in Roman showers. The children take to meat very quickly, and will soon join the ranks of flesh gobblers everywhere.

98% of vegans choose to be so sickly and retard their children because they believe it will save the animals from being eaten. They obviously cannot see that even if they do not eat animals, other people will, and thus their efforts will fail.

That being said: the best thing you can do is troll vegans:

Method 1: Tell them you used to be vegan, but one day you were eating out your girlfriend while she had her rags and you figured, if you can eat hers, why not a chicken's?

Method 2: Tell them that you used to have a vegan boyfriend but he smelled funny, so you dumped him for a rugged meat-eater bear of a man. Now when you're felching it's like going out the back of 7/11 and scoring free beef jerky from the dumpster for win!

Method 3: Unmercifully abuse them for their stench and hippie appearance.

Animal Liberation Front

A.L.F. (the "Animal Liberation Front") contains all the complete psychopaths that the two above groups could not contain, so were sent off to a secret training camp in the Rocky Mountains, where they are force fed Animal Planet 24 hours a day and trained to kill farmers and hunters on sight. So far, they have distributed a large number of death threats towards their would-be foes, but have not done anything but blow up vans and let thousands of savage minks out of their cages, thus making them one of the most pussy groups to ever claim the title "terrorist organization".

They are of course, funded by PETA, a truly epic source of lulz.

Pro-Animal Abuse

Hunters

Hunters don't always have money for cars.
Hunters don't always have money for cars.
Children excel at animal abuse.
Children excel at animal abuse.
One form of animal abuse.
One form of animal abuse.

Hunters are mighty warriors who are frustrated that civilization won't let them squash vegans on sight. Easily agitated and often harassed, they will have a kneejerk dramatic reaction if any of these threads appear on their forums.

  • Why do you hate bunnies?
  • You are horrible, horrible men and I hope a deer eats your penis.
  • How would you feel if someone hunted your mom? (The answer is "FINALLY! I've been trying to get rid of that free-loading bitch for years...")
  • But how does the squirrel feel about it?
  • Any thread made by Dead_deer-chan
  • LOL TURTLE PUNCH

Christians

According to page 156, Article 25-b, paragraph 16 of the Bible, man has dominion over all animals. Therefore he has a divine mandate to screw with animals. He just can't eat any of the ones that don't have cloven feet, or so my Jewran tells me.

The Japanese

Japan is known for many things; hentai, bondage porn, and vending machines that dispense used panties to name a few. However, Japan is also well known for their Animal Rights Laws - or lack thereof. Japanese people enjoy many different kinds of activities that involve the lulzy mistreatment of animals, such as whaling. The Japanese have even been known to hunt whales that are deemed endangered, but they still do it anyway, because the Japs love their whale blubber. Another event in which the Japs partake is the time-honored tradition of Japanese Bug Fighting. In this hilarious and awesome competition, various kinds of scary bugs battle each other to the death for honour and glory, and you can even buy your "Battle Bug" from an aforementioned vending machine in the form of a "Gashapon" ball, in which the bugs are enclosed waiting for some little Japanese child to fork out 100 Yen to get his very own bug. Needless to say, it pisses PETA off a lot. However, since the creatures in question are not cute and furry, animal rights activists seem to have put this one on the backburner and would rather spend their time saving animals that are a bit more cuddly.

That said, if you're in the area, you might want to make an Ikizukuri run.


The Chinese

In 2008, numerous incidents in Southern China's Guangdong regions occurred over the selling of dog and cat meat. Both stray and domestic animals were taken to butcher shops in large quantities. Some pet owners even worried their pets had been stolen to be sold for pr0fit.

Chinaman Edison Chen getting his dick eaten by Gillian Chung. Notice Pedobear is present.
Chinaman Edison Chen getting his dick eaten by Gillian Chung. Notice Pedobear is present.

That the Surgeon General was able to restrain a WTF was pretty amazing. Pay attention to 0:10 to 0:45.

  • See also:
Wang Jeu


The Americans

African-Americans hate cats.
African-Americans hate cats.

See:

Gallery

Animal Abuse Gallery - WARNING: Brutal Shit Highly lulzy

See Also

Cats


Groups and Organizations


People



Other

External Links

I gotta get my monkey one of those
I gotta get my monkey one of those


Animal abuse

is part of a series on
Bad things to happen to animals
Basic Concepts

Furry • Bestiality • Taxidermy • Animal Abuse

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