An hero
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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| In no way is An Hero to be confused with simply using "an" incorrectly as a typo. If done so, you will be given an F by the Grammar Nazi. |
An hero
is part of a series on
final solutions.
- Ban fucking everyone
- Buy a dog
- Complete rewrite
- Delete fucking everything
- Deleting your LiveJournal
- Deleting your Youtube Videos
- Done with ED
- Flounce
- Holocaust
- It was a social experiment
- KILL IT WITH FIRE
- Never drinking again
- Peter Jennings died, so I'm going to quit smoking
- Quitting IRC forever
- Ragequit
- Suicide (see also An Hero)
- Wikicide (Wikibreak)
- X FUCKING Y
There comes a time in every man's life when situations spiral out of control and he finds his back against a wall. Maybe somebody stole his iPod. Maybe he just killed his wife and kids. Maybe he looked in the mirror and saw a fucktard. Whatever the reason, you can either get up and face the music, or you can tell the world and whatever deity you believe in to fuck off. In the latter case, pull out your list of final solutions and place a check in the suicide box. Tonight, you dine in hell.... But, are you "An Hero"?
Simply pwning oneself IRL is no cause to become "An Hero". Without exceptions,"An Heroes" are made, not born. When otherwise normal and rational people fondly eulogize and honor those that have killed themselves before them, that's when "An Hero" is made. Like it or not, somebody out there probably gives a shit about Kurt Cobain. Could anyone say the same about you? That's why you'll never amount to anything. You'll never be "An Hero". (But don't let us stop you from trying. Having said that, becoming an hero is shit because you won't get to see the results of your endeavours. However, if you do a school shooting and don't kill yourself, you just might. With a lot of luck. Don't expect not to get raped and murdered in prison, or executed in the electric chair.) There is no half/almost/soon An Hero. Either you blow your brains out and become An Hero or don't, but in your case, please do.
The phrase "An Hero" dates back over 9000 years ago last thursday, to the proto-An Hero, Mitchell Henderson, who famously shot himself after losing his iPod. /b/tards jumped on a grammatical error made by one of his myspace friends, and it is now immortalized as the banner under which we mock those courteous enough to remove themselves from the gene pool. Since then, an heroes of all ages have bravely been removing themselves from the gene pool, including 3 year olds
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[edit] Quotes
"Dear people I love, I have done this because i loved her. She didn't accept me for who I was. I hope she reads this."
- ^LOL WUT
[edit] "An Hero"
While "an hero" is regarded as a grammatical error by modern linguists, usage of the quantifier "an" before words that started with a morpheme of the pattern CV that began with a 'h' in the onset was common usage before the 17th century. - This is boring
But thou complying with thy princely wrath, Hast shamed an Hero whom themselves the Gods Delight to honour ... [Cowper's translation of Homer, about 1790]
Clearly, this implies that Mitchell Henderson and his friends are time travelers from the 16th century, and killed himself over a perceived decline in the English language. More of teh gay than 1000 William Safires.
Even Hitler, in prison in the 1920s, knew about the lulz that would soon engulf the internets, and slipped a reference to Mitch in his famous (or perhaps people read it in hopes that he wouldn't kill them if they were fans of his "creative autobiography"?) Mein Kampf:
| —Adolph Hitler |
In spite of the obvious similarities, "An Hero" should not be confused with "A Negro" and "A Necro".
The 'n' stands for 'lulz'.
It is also an obscure fact that the song "And the Hero Will Drown" by Story of the Year was originally titled "An Hero Will Drown Himself".
It is a little known fact that the plural of an hero is "na heroes," its grammar being based in Irish-Gaelic (moar liek Irish-Gaylic, amirite?). Unfortunately, nobody gives a shit. Also, cocks.
[edit] "An Heroine"
For most men, before they become "An Hero", they kill themselves in order to deliver a final "Fuck You" to the world. Male suicide is over 9000 times more prevalent than female suicide, simply because a man has At least 100 times as much testosterone as your average woman.
Women commit suicide for one of only two reasons. In the lesser case, they've lost someone they love and can't imagine dying alone. They decide to do Mother Nature and humanity a favor by also removing themselves from the gene pool.
In most other cases, however, women are motivated to feign suicide whenever they are beset by despair. These women believe that people around them would support and comfort them, even if the only person from whom they're in danger is themselves. This is colloquially known as a "Cry for Help". Surprisingly, some women who attempt suicide will actually die. See also: Unrealistic Expectations and Hollywood Martyr. The only female an heroes worth mentioning are Megan Meier, whose suicide produced epic BAWWW all over the internets, and Christine Chubbuck, a 70s news anchor who shot herself during a live newscast, moments after making a joke that she was doing so in accordance with network policy to bring the viewers more "blood and guts". She also beat Budd Dwyer to it.
[edit] Famous Implements Used to Become An Hero
- Guns
- Razor Blades
- Sex with a horse
- Strangulation
- Being a witch
- Kool-aid
- Drugs
- Bricks and knives
- Fapping to Furry porn
- Shooting up malls claiming you'll be famous
How to become An Heroine
Some cunt did it for My chemical romance. See?
The 'emo scene', specifically My Chemical Romance, was criticised by the coroner at the inquest into the death by hanging of a girl from Maidstone, Kent in the United Kingdom named Hannah Bond.
Yeah, what a cunt. Fuck her.
[edit] NOT "An Hero"
Reasons you are not an Hero:
- You have not lost your iPod.
- You have not totaled your moms truck.
- You have friends that can spell.
- You did not kill yourself.
- You are over the age of 13.
- You are a Gaiafag
- You are still alive.
- Your eulogy is not posted on Myspace.
- You are Owen Wilson.
- That's a fucking evoker you fucking weeaboo faggot.
- You have friends.
- You are not Heath Ledger.
- You take prescription meds that make you batshit happy.
- You are not a 16 year old girl
- You haven't finished drafting your suicide note.
- You are not Edward Cullen
- You are not over 9000
- You enjoy Gravitation
- You did not read/write My Immortal
[edit] Reasons you are An Hero
- You have the gnarliest bindings in Bergen County, and your name is Highway Star
- No one likes you
- Your dad would not let you play Wii
- The world will not ignore your pain any longer
- They canceled your favorite tv show
- You got a ride on a spaceship behind a comet
- You think Kool-aid tastes AWWWRIGHT!
- Summons helpful spirits
- You're Lanzer
- You scored 970 on the SAT
- Your parents won't let you go see My Chemical Romance or Fall Out Boy
- You lost your job at McDonalds
- Your prison lover left you
- You are in an "internet suicide room"
- You got rejected from MIT or Harvard
- The sand ninjas from Naruto made you kill yourself in a small sandbox
- You kicked a sand ninja in the balls and are now a national celebrity in Scotland
- You over dosed on drugs when trying to create more stories for your cult to believe.
[edit] Hero Anthem
Where have all the good parents gone?
And where is my iPod?
Where's the street-wise bullies?
To assault me after school?
Isn't there a teacher in a fiery tie?
Late at night I toss and I turn and I dream of what I'll be
(Chorus)
I'll be an hero
I'm becoming an hero at the end of the week
I just killed two cops
And I'm gonna be dead
And I'm gonna be fresh from the morgue
I'll be an hero
I'll be discovered by Mom in the morning light
I had a bad day
And I was called gay
And now I'm larger than life
Now I'm an hero.
[edit] An Heroes Song
I-I wish I could find
Find my iPod-Nano 16 gig
Though nothing-nothing will keep us together
I can't find it-I've lost it forever
Oh I'll be an hero-on 'An Hero Day'
We-we've been playing
Playing-playing some 'Doom'
And Manson he told us to slay
Oh let's be an heroes-on 'An Hero Day'
We can PWN them-on 'An Hero Day'
I-I went on Bebo
I saw-BSC
And in Wales-and found me a tree
Tied my rope-put my neck through the hoop
But before-told 'The Sun' bout me
I stood on the stool-kicked it from beneath me
Oh I'll be an hero-cos Bridgend is shit
Let's be an heroes (3X)
On 'An Hero Day'
Let's be an heroes
We're dying, and dying by ourselves
We need attention, oh put me on 4chan
But we could be famous, til the meme dies
Oh, oh, oh, ohhh-oh, oh, oh, ohhh, on 'An Hero Day'
Oh, on 'An Hero Day'
[edit] "An Hero" Paradox
Scientists have theorized about what is known as the "An Hero" paradox. In order for such a paradox to take place, two people with iPods must steal each other's iPod. The obligation to become an hero would conflict with the gain of an iPod, most likely producing the same results as dividing by zero.
- update
Scientists resolved the problem by confirming that anyone who owns an iPod should became an hero immediatly due to the intense gayness of iPods.
[edit] Nigerian News Article
In Nigeria, they too are fond of becoming an heroes when they're not spreading AIDS and trying to rape white women. This news article confirms this.
[edit] Japanese East Asian Co-Prosperity Sphere An Hero
Yukio Mishima was one of Japan's leading novelists a man with a cock the size of a watermelon, who was a conservative activist, a man who created his own Private Army of virile young men, achieved his highest plateau by committing Seppuku. Never one to shy away from controversy regarding Japan's martial tradition, Mishama seized a garrison of the Japanese Self Defense Force and gave a speech inciting the troops to overthrow the government and restore the Emperor. They laughed at him. Mishima went inside and had one of the pretty young men that he had specially chosen as the best of the best of his paramilitary group behead him after he disemboweled himself.
Mishima explains it all:
Mishima quote; "Sometimes, with suicide, you win".
[edit] An Hero movie attempt
[edit] The Happening
In this movie, an unknown source releases a chemical that causes entire populations of people to self-pwn and become an hero. As a matter of fact, the only people in the movie who do not become an heroes are the main characters as if this wasn't a drawn-out horror movie cliche. As the movie does not explain the cause, watching it is a huge waste of time for anybody.
[edit] An Heroes
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[edit] See also
[edit] Links
- The An Heroes of Bridgend
- Bridgend, where Heroes go to copy the Internets.
- Richey - The original Welsh an hero
- Kurt Cobain
- A list of An Heros and Attempted Heros
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An hero is part of a series on An Hero. |
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