The Netherlands
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
| 'Netherlands' is not to be confused with 'Neverland' |
The combination of the dumbass people, its craplike geography and the lack of epic lulz have earned the Netherlands the title of: Asshole of Europe (and the world).
Contents |
Geography
The Netherlands has a striking resemblance to you, as it is low-lying, flat, small and sometimes it leaks. It used to be smaller but they built an extension. It lays directly on top of Belgium. Everyone in the Netherlands is so fucking tall and they all ride bikes and have their own bike lanes so they can even ride bikes in the Red Light District and sleep with a tranny.
The People
The vast majority of the population in the Netherlands are Dutch people, who are the descendents of Germans who performed anal sex with pigs and Giraffes. While the Dutch were once invaded by their inferiority complex-suffering neighbors Germany, they take it rather well and don't whine too much and say it hurts. They are also known as being a bit OCD by other dirty Europeans (also known as the French) because they bathe regularly.
Every dutchy is at least 5 meters tall and has at least 100 teeth, which he will proudly show off whenever he gets the chance.
The other people in The Netherlands, the Frisians have never been occupied by any country, mainly because there is absolutely nothing of value to find. During the German occupation of Teh Netherlands, when the Germans took all the food, most of the Frisians tried to keep the Dutch off their farms and away from the enormous surplus of food they had, mainly because they simply don't like to share. Furthermore, the Frisians plot to take over the world and/or become independent from The Netherlands. Therefore, the Frisians=Jews, and we all know that the fucking Kikes did WTC.
The Netherlands is also the home of the epic muslim pwnage winrar, Geert Wilders.
National anthem
History
Anne Frank was arrested here by the Germans. The Germans didn't like 16 year old girls who kept journals and never left the house. Imagine how the Nazis would have reacted to Livejournal. The Dutch Empire, or 'The Roach Infestation/Epic Fail' spread far and wide throughout the years, infesting, poisoning and raping many already fucked up countries, such as South AIDfrica, Indonesia, Gay-ana and Sri Wanker. During the German occupation most of the Dutch people joined the Germans to fight France. When the allies landed in Normandy to drive back the Germans and the fun was over, they joined the allies.
Culture
They have clogs, tulips, windmills,pot and cheese. Also, liberal sex laws. Hookers and blow for all. Also a variation of Christmas as national holiday where a some old guy who looks like the pope. Tells his niggers slaves to deliver gifts to your house. If you have been naughty he'll spank you with a bunch of twigs and kidnaps you to spain where he'll lock you up in his basement. Nothing else. Who needs anything else?
Languages
The language most people speak is known as Dutch, or Nederlands if you happen to already speak it. The Dutch think it's the hardest language in the world to learn because no visiting foreigner has ever mastered it (if they even wanted to). What they fail to realise is that it sounds like you're speaking English while spitting and we can understand every word. While they'll mix as much foreign words and (for the pro) even whole foreign sentences into their speak, they also fail to realise that it still sounds like Dutch. One would think they had so much trouble learning their own language that now they cannot speak any other language anymore. They're doomed.
Unfortunately, since Dutch has far too many vowels and no one gives a shit, no one besides the Dutch can really be assed to learn it.
There even is a second language in the Netherlands, called Frisian; which belongs to the aforementioned Frisians the Dutch province, Friesland. It claims to be the root of a lot of modern languages, like English. However, the Dutch-speaking part of the country regards this to be not true, much like the rest of the world. Frisians are generally seen as annoying peasants who keep clinging to really really really (well, compared to American standards) old traditions, like going to church on Sunday and wearing 18th century clothing. Everybody in Friesland is either related or acquainted to each other. Other languages spoken in The Netherlands are Turkish and Morroccan. The Netherlands have teh misfortune of providing a storehouse for Turks and Moroccans. These are usually looked upon by actual dutch people as niggers are in the US (actually it's a lot worse - niggers have entertainment value but the Morroccans are just a crime wave shitting out too many babies when their men get tired of fucking their boy-children and pets). Also, in the US of A, a nigger has just managed to work his way to the top and rule the country. In the Netherlands it's unthinkable that a MorroNcan or Turk will EVAR rule the country, but some Moroccan goatfucker put the rot into Rotterdam by becoming the mayor.
How to be offensive
Every dutch person knows the folowing words and uses them at least 100 times every day. If you are planning to become a dutchfag you should know them.
Offensive words
- Kontneuker (kohnt neukher) Assfucker or gay
- Eikel (aik hell) Smelly dickhead, "eikel" is also the term for the round head of the penis and it's Dutch for "acorn."'
- Kutturk (cut turk) Cunt turk (Nobody likes Turks, they're liek jews, except poor.)
- Kankermarokkaan (kawnckermarrowcawn) Cancerous Maroccan, same as Turks only more inbreeding.
- Poepeter (poop ayter) Shit eater
- Kutmongool (cut monn goal) Cunt Retard
- Kankerpedo (kawnckerpaedo) Cancerous Pedophile
- Neukfout (noikfawt) Fuckfault, aka a birth error.
- Teringlijer (tayring liar) Tuberculosis sufferer
- Gierige kankerjood (Geerigu kawnckerjowd) Greedy cancerous jew, in the Dutch language cancer and jew were pulled together as soon as they knew.
- Tyfusneger (Tee-vis-naye-gur) Typhoid nigger
Offensive phrases
- Ik heb je moeder in haar kont geneukt. (Eek hep ja moedhar in hahr kohnt ggggehneuykt) I have fucked your mom in the ass.
- Ik sla je vieze kutkop eraf en laat hem dan een zwerver beffen. (Eek slah ja visa cutkohp herrhaf an laht hehm dahn ein zwerfhar befhan) I will smack your filthy vagina look a like face off, and then i will make it go down on a homeless woman.
- Sterf, met een gezwel aan je kontgat!(Stare-ff, mat ane ggguzwell ahn ju kawntggggaht) Die, with a tumor on your asshole!
- Ik vind Gerard Joling een leuke en getalenteerde man. (Eek vynd GGGGehrard Joling uhn leuyke en gggetalentehrde mahn.) I find Gerard Joling a nice and talented man.
- Hoi ik ben Henk (Hohi eek behn hank) Hello I'm Henk
Words The Britamericans May Have Stolen From the Dutch
- fork = vork (fork.)
- Yankees = Jan Kees (some faggoty name they sold to the Americunts together with New York)
- Dollar = Daalder (2 and a half Guilder in the old pre-Euro system)
- cookie = koekje (explains the ranting Britfags)
- drug = droog (dry, from back when most medication wass in the form of dried herbs)
- Santa Claus= Sinterklaas. Sinterklaas is the better version of Santa Claus, Sinterklaas uses slaves called Zwarte piet (BLack Pete)
- smuggling= smokkelen (the Dutch are known for being good merchants)
- waffle = wafel (they had them first)
While pwning the African continent they also came up with Apartheid.
Economy
The import economy is driven mainly by tourism. The Dutch rake in tons of cash each year from Chinese tourists going to the Afrika Museum, college kids looking to eat space cakes, mid-western couples photographing the red-light district and teh gays wanting to register for marriage (though some of that business is being siphoned off by Canada and California).
The export economy was driven solely by the export of tulips, and sometimes tomatoes (see Trivia). They had the world market cornered but then flooded it with all their damn flowers. They recovered by trading guns and weapons to insurgent groups across Africa in exchange for diamonds, which they hoard and dole out in small amounts to desperate American Bridezillas who will pay or do anything for the biggest rock that will fit on their chub stubs.
Another notable fact is that they've successfully managed to keep the North Sea from wiping this country off the map (as well as keeping Atlantis dry). It can be assumed that if you need any dykes, bridges, dams or windmills built, there isn't a better country to turn to.
The Netherlands are also known for legalized 18+ taxed weed consumption in licensed "coffee-shops" armed with cameras. While it is perfectly legal to open a coffee shop and sell weed there, it is illegal for these shops to buy the weed themselves. It is also forbidden to grow any weed. Therefore, growing the weed is done in Belgium, selling it is done in the Netherlands. Coffee shops are havens designed to fool the Dutch basement dwelling population out of their basement so their mother's can clean their shithole basements. Under the influence of marijuana you can even stand the horrible language of the inhabitants, which also helps to foster a tourism trade which would most likely not exist if it were not for the weed.
The Dutch Justice Ministry
Holland's Justice Ministry has declared TOW to be closed to all of their employees as of November 18th due to the possible presence of lulz that were a threat to the oh so serious business the ministry regularly conducts. They alledge that as many as 800 cases of vandalism have been committed by the 30,000 employees of the Ministry. The example offered by the Ministry was an article about the Dutch nobility, adding the sentence "as is typical in such cases" to the line "her driver's license was not revoked."
The use of the word "typical" suggests that the Dutch Justice Ministry probably contributes to ED as well, given that this word can be found on almost typically on every ED page site wide.
Trivia
- 113% of the world production of tomato juice is from the Netherlands and made from onions. The remaining 24% comes from Spain.
- Christfag conservatives now rule the country, after the last government fell due to having a black female muslim Member of Parliament. An expected fail to come from the USA's president.
- The Netherlands' main import is North-Africans.
- The Netherlands' main export is weed (to Belgium, Germany, France and beyond)
- Has, despite intense efforts by the Royal Navy still not found Waldo.
- "Lul" actually means cock in Dutch, SRSLY. RLY.
- Drinking age is 16. Age of consent has been raised to 14 (up from 10 years old 200 years ago), (except for porn)
- They legally sell marijuana in shops. However it's considered illegal. Wtf? Srssly tough.
- Germany still has not reimbursed the stolen bicycles.
- There is no legal way for the shops to get ahold of the weed in the first place, however everone seems to kinda forget that all the time and overlook it.
- THERE IS AN ABUNDANCE OF PUBLIC URINALS. If you are uncomfortable using normal urinals and only use stalls, imagine having to use the dutch kind.
People who live in the Netherlands
- The guy behind the Breda Highschool Massacre
- Maarten (well he doesn't live there anymoar, lulz)
- DracoMalfoyLover
- Tinkebell
- The residents of Bemmel
- Geert Wilders
Important Links
