Alabama
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Alabama (more like AL-LA-BAAAAMA-JENNAY,amirite?) was accidentally by a group of European explorers who were asking people who already lived there (who didn't discover the place because they didn't have any flags), if they could help them find Atlantis. However due to their extreme Spanish-ness, they crashed their ship right onto the shore. Naturally being the intelligent and quick thinking gentlemen they were, they proceeded to make Alabama into the dumping grounds for retards that they couldn't talk into moving to Mississippi. Alabama is a state full of Rednecks, Niggers and Republicans. [[1]] This is especially true if you live in the state Capital, Montgomery (affectionately called monkeytown by the natives), the chicken Auschwitz of the South. Sometimes it's mistaken for the 7th Circle of Hell and Satan's asshole but that's usually by people who have never visited Mississippi. Its predominant exports are incest, abortions, moonshine, violent religious fanboys, football/basketball players and illiteracy. Much like Georgia, another southern state, the excessive in-breeding has led to rampant stupidity, the popularity of NASCAR, and ugly-ass bucktoothed bitches.
Alabama Soccer
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Culture
- Pro Bass Shops and gun shops on every street corner - Sport and hunting supplies is like coffee is to Seattle.
Government
The governor of Alabama is Bob Riley, a racist, Republican psycho that won the office by sucking the biggest dick. He's the bastard son of George Bush and Mike Huckabee and grew up by whipping the local Negroes that worked on the family farm. Surprisingly he isn't total ass as a governor he focused on education, industry and taxes. Oh wait, he didn't do that. That was some retard who worked for him. HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS. Recently his popularity has decreased due to people going Jew about taxes.
Reasons Why Alabama Sucks
It's home to cities named after famous local hillbillies like Burntcorn and Slapout, and even the upscale area of Possum Trot
Alabamian cuisine is particularly noted as being the only food where that you can get AIDS just from eating it. Dishes like Fried Shits, Beans and Cornbread are considered fine dining.
Alabamians boast of their fine culture with a slogan on each license plate: "Cud bee wurs. Cud bee Misispi." (Trivia: Actually, most of the license plates have "Stars Fell On Alabama" and "God bless Alabama", but nobody has a clue what it means, not even Alabamians...)
There is exactly one paved road in Alabama, but it belongs to a fucking Yankee that nobody likes cause he uses "dem big words". He was ass raped by Bubba Joe last Thursday, but that doesn't make him a faggot, he "wuz just showin' him who boss."
Economy
Alabama's exports (much like all southern states) include:
- Incest
- Cacon fat
- CP
- Bestiality
- country music
- High-quality, space-grade rockets and computer equipment
- Dukes of Hazard (No wait, that's Georgia)
- Peanuts
- Foreign cars (this is some sort of paradox!)
Famous Alabamians
- Truman Capote
- Harper Lee
- Courtney Cox
- Natalee Holloway - Also a state export, I guess
- Paul Fetch - We love him
- Several overpaid college coaches
- The Mobile Leprechaun - [3]
- The Montgomery Flea Market guy
On a final note:
Lot of musicians come from Alabama. This is because literacy isn't important here, and a good chunk of the population doesn't know how do do anything else. Much of it is cool, with the chance to be exposed to good music ranging from Hank Williams to Sun Ra to W.C.CHANY to the lady from the Greatful Dead, but a downside is you got a lot of people that don't give a shit about anything else, and live in lunar rock star fantasies that have no concept of reality with the real world many times. This is a great source of lulz to watch one of these reality crisis to happen. It's a proven fact, that these people would be homeless if they lived in another state.
Language
Residents from Alabama speak a language loosely based on about 100 almost recognizable English language words and large number of grunts, groans, and hisses which more resemble the off-gassing of industrial equipment than what a linguist would recognize as language.
Typical conversation from two near-simian humanoids in Alabama:
Inbred #1: WHAR YEW FREM BOWAH?
Inbred #2: FIME FREM HALLAH BAMMAH BOWAH!
Inbred #1: (...) UH...WHAR YEW SAIT YEW FREM BOWAH?
Inbred #2: BOWAH HAIZE FREM HALLAH BAMMAH BOWAH!
Inbred #1: HAH SAIT WHAR DAH HEYAL YEW BE FREM BOWAH!
Inbred #2: HAH SAIT HAIZE FREM HEW HEW HEW HEW HEW! HUH HUH HUH HEW! HUH HUH HUH HEW! HUH HUH HUH HEW!
Inbred #1: WHULL WHAH DAH FUHK HAINT YEW SAIT SO BOWAH!
Trolling Alabama
It is very easy to troll Alabama.
1) Proclaim how bad Alabama, Auburn, and the SEC all around are.
2) Yell LSU rules.
3) Become a NASCAR and beer hating Mexican homosexual.
4) Expose George Bush (or any Republican other than Lincoln) for the sack of dog shit he really is.
5) Say that you're glad the South lost the war.
6) PROFIT
All in all
All in all Alabama is a backwards, shitty pile of fail that almost makes Africa look good. The people are retarded, the transportation system (LOL WUT?) sucks, and the culture is enough to make a NORP kill themselves. Oh, and let's not forget that everyone's completely batshit insane. This is the state where they don't call 911 and if their gun is jammed they will just beat you to death with it. Don't mess with Alabama. Inbred mofos are dangerous, y'all come back now y'hear? But you better bring some guns. Alabama in a nutshell
See Also
| The United States of Encyclopedia Dramatica |
|---|---|
| States | Alabama | Alaska | Arizona | Arkansas | California | Colorado | Connecticut | Delaware | Florida | Georgia | Hawaii | Idaho | Illinois | Indiana | Iowa | Kansas | Kentucky | Louisiana | Maine | Maryland | Massachusetts | Michigan | Minnesota | Mississippi | Missouri | Montana | Nebraska | Nevada | New Hampshire | New Jersey | New Mexico | New York | North Carolina | North Dakota | Ohio | Oklahoma | Oregon | Pennsylvania | Rhode Island | South Carolina | South Dakota | Tennessee | Texas | Utah | Vermont | Virginia | Washington | West Virginia | Wisconsin | Wyoming |
| Not a state yet | Australia | Canada | China | Cuba | District of Columbia | Iraq | Israel | Japan | Latin America | Philippines | United Kingdom | Vietnam |
