Agnosticism
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Use this to troll 'em
| —Doug Stanhope, showcasing his intelligence. |
An agnostic is a solipsist coward too scared to believe in something and calling that open-mindedness. The term agnostic was created by T.H. Huxley cause he was getting butthurt from being called an atheist so he invented a word that he wouldn't mind being called. Agnostics tend to react to any statement, whatsoever, on religious questions with epic butthurt, and have no sense of humor. Agnostics are more arrogant than atheists and Christians combined because they believe their religion is open-minded to the possibilities of god's existence or non-existence and other religions aren't. They also believe that they are the only people who are truly non-religious. Therefore, they are to nonreligious people as chosen people and Arabs are to religious ones. They are known for their inability to make a decision on anything. They will occasionally pipe up during an OL discussion of theology to point out waffling is the best option. Their posts are always TL;DR.
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Types of Agnostics
Agnostics fall into two categories, those who believe that it is impossible to determine whether or not there is a God, and those who don't care enough to form an opinion.
The first kind think this means they'll still make it to heaven (if god exists-hooooo!) when they die because they didn't doubt God (<--wut), yet still "win" religious debates on forums by 13 year old boys by saying the other side is closed-minded, and resorting to pathetic excuses like "just because there is zero evidence for God, doesn't mean he doesn't exist." Of course, they would never apply this logic to anything else, like say, the Easter Bunny.
The second type of agnostics argue that because one cannot prove or disprove the existence of God, afterlife or metaphysics, that there is no reason for them to adopt a stance either way.
World Religious Opinion of Agnostics
- Christians do not like agnostics because they are too fucking lazy and drunk to show up to service on Sunday.
- Atheists do not like Agnostics because they won't commit to the overthrow of religion.
- Muslims do not like Agnostics because they tend to drink booze, be whores and go on cocksucking rampages. Which is what every other raghead does amirite?
- Scientologists do not like Agnostics because they don't have the guts to eat placenta.
- Jews do not like anyone.
- Breatharians do not like Agnostics because they tend to congregate and eat at Taco Bell at one in the morning.
To put it simply, noone likes Agnostics. Even Buddhists think they're pussies. However, Christfag and Atheistfag trolls will always make a futile attempt to convert them to their own argument, resulting in varying combinations of lulz and butthurt.
Theological Discussion With Agnostics OL
- Why Are People Racist?
- "I don't mind being called an Agnostic unless it's preceded by an insult, like 'fucking agnostic' or 'evil agnostic' or 'stupid agnostic'.
- Apollo BBS Archives
- The Centrifuge
- "Wicked Cool! Do you know how I can join the Evil Agnostic Liberal Baby-Killers Club the official from Texas was referring to in her rant? Yup - there's nothing I like more than redistributing wealth from hardworking white Uh-murricans to lazy slack-jawed minorities. And any time I can blaspheme the Almighty and hack up some fetuses, well that's just a bonus."
- The Raving Atheist
- Agnostics on agnosticism Urban Dictionary
- Agnostic to me: I don't want to ask GOD for his/her/it's ID. I believe there is a GOD and I'm sure I don't know who or what it is.
- Non Agnostic: I do not believe that the universe was created last Thursday.
Agnostic: Well you can't prove or disprove it. I win.
Basically their defense mechanism is "PROVE ME WRONG".
Trolling
Due to their intense belief that they are smarter than everyone else, Agnostics are very easily trolled during OL debates. Some useful tips:
- Accuse them of being too stupid/lazy to make a real decision.
- Offer to convert them to Christianity.
- Accuse them of being atheists who are too scared to admit it in case they're wrong and God punishes them.
- Say that just because there's no proof of something doesn't mean you shouldn't believe in it.
- Tell them that Agnosticism is a religion.
- Argue that evolution proves that God does not exist.
- Offer to convert them to Atheism.
- Claim that people who give Agnostic answers are just trying to be PC.
- Accuse them of being believers who are too scared to admit it in case everyone thinks they're stupid.
- Argue that the Bible proves that God does exist.
Agnostic's Prayer
"Insofar as I may be heard by anything, which may or may not care what I say, I ask, if it matters, that you be forgiven for anything you may have done or failed to do which requires forgiveness. Conversely, if not forgiveness but something else may be required to insure any possible benefit for which you may be eligible after the destruction of your body, I ask that this, whatever it may be, be granted or withheld, as the case may be, in such a manner as to insure your receiving said benefit. I ask this in my capacity as your elected intermediary between yourself and that which may not be yourself, but which may have an interest in the matter of your receiving as much as it is possible for you to receive of this thing, and which may in some way be influenced by this ceremony. Amen."
- Roger Zelazny, Creatures of Light and Darkness, 1969
See Also
