Age of Conan
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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Age of Conan was an overly hyped up game developed last Thursday where it's bullshit developers told a lot of lies about how amazing and next-gen it was going to be. Pretty graphics and a new combat system does not equal a good game. Funcom obviously hasn't learned their lesson from AO. Even Vanguard has been made into a better game. Age of Conan is also for those who want to jerk off to cyber boobs. The official forums are constantly being trolled by people who have canceled their accounts who know the truth. You can also spread the truth by trolling their forums.
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Expansion
Funcom has announced an expansion. The expansion is set in the eastern, Asian lands of the Conan lore.
Some official artwork has been exposed at DragonCon 2008 of a ninja with a silver mask. EPIC.
Gameplay
Basically, you buttonmash. And using your shields is as useless to you as a real religion to Tom Cruise.
Buttonmashing aside, gameplay consists mainly of walking 400,000 in game miles from quest giver to quest location, running the 400,000 in game miles back after completing the quest, then finding out the quest is broken in the first place. Any cool looking gear you get will be replaced with a hat that looks like a penis at level 20. You will not get a new armor skin for the rest of the game. However, there are rumors that once you hit a higher level, new shiny armors are to be gained from dragon slaughtering, but we all know it's bullshit.
Starting the Game
After spending over 9,000 Jew golds to upgrade your computer to support AoC's amazing graphics engine, you realize you must pay at least 100 more Jew golds to upgrade your internets to download a 30gb patch, after wards you can start the game. You start off by making your character, who is a sex slave on a ship. The many customization options allow you to make your character exactly like you. That is, fat and ugly. After making an in-game clone of Daniele Fiorenza, your ship conveniently crashes and you end up stranded on a beach. When you wake up from your sex fantasies, some random nigger comes and starts telling you what to do. He then tells you to go kill your pimp so you will no longer be a sex slave. You are then free to move around. Eventually you will hear some bitch screaming for help. Most people don't get farther than this, because the amazing graphics engine will probably have you running at 1 FPS. If, by some chance, you do get past this part, you will find the bitch chained up and blocking your way. The bitch will then tell you to go kill some guy for the key to her bonds. After button-mashing to kill a random guy, you get the key and free the girl. Unfortunately, the bitch doesn't realize you don't give a shit about her and asks you to escort her to the town. You travel along, learning how to button-mash until you find your pimp. He tells you he was looking for you, and orders you to come with him and have kinky sex with some demon he found. You then proceed to button-mash and kill the fat monstrosity. You can then continue through the game, quit, or commit suicide. If you continue, you will button-mash and lead a life of virginity and carpal tunnel. If you quit, you will troll the forums and create lulz, if you commit suicide you will be remembered and get your own special ED page!
End Game
Siege battles are as broken as a nigger's bike. This shit will lag like fuck and isn't even worth doing. Blocking doors on Habbo Hotel is more entertaining and won't cause your computer to blue screen.
City building consists of farming mats in Poitain like a slave. If you keep any gold for more bagspace or a faster mount, you are branded a covetous Jew.
Issues
What the fuck isn't a fucking problem? No one can run this game. People who say they can are liars. When the game was released, anyone who tried using spellweaving would crash everyone in the zone. LOL. Memory leaks that Funcom wouldn't address caused people to upgrade their computers even more when it was a game problem.
How to Troll AoCfags
- Bring up the fact that the GMs are worse than even FFXI's.
- Ask why FunCom can't make a good PVP game, due to lack of Ratonga.
- Show them this, or this.
- Point out that EQ2fags, WoWfags, and EVEfags are making fun of their favorite MMO.
- Mention Tabula Rasa.
- Tell them that Darkfall is going to pwn AoC.
- Point them to www.failcom.com.
See Also
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Age of Conan is part of a series on Gaming |
| Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage. |
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Age of Conan is part of a series on MMORPGs. |
