Adult Swim
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Adult Swim is not block on Cartoon Network to show uncut anime, but instead is used to showcase their shitty sitcom ideas while high on skunky weed. It's also a dumping ground for failed network shows, guys who are members of the "Bob Odenkirk Cocksucking Circle", and failed indie comic writers. Some time later, it was decided that Saturdays would be devoted to anime, adding 14 year old girls to the already existing lineup of retards and stoners. The lineups have since blended and Adult Swim continues to pollute the airwaves on TV. Given the painfully low budget of their shows, and their overt support of terrorism, it's safe to assume that Adult Swim is run by self-loathing Japanese people of Jewish origin. Adult Swim is especially hated by weeaboos who still feed from their moms' tits and shit in diapers because they're too busy BAAWWWing over the lack of Inuyasha in the current schedule and writing slash fan fiction to bother using the toilet.
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[edit] Bumps
One of their trademarks is that in between shows, there is white text on a black background in which the guys at Cartoon Network get to showcase their utter contempt for their viewers, in a "I'm better than you! You suck the shit out of my asshole 'cause I rule and you drool!" hackery. Sadly, it's obvious that they put more time into writing these bumps than any of their shows.
[edit] Merchandise
Historically, Adult Swim has tried and failed to sell their merchandise. They failed so hard that it's traditional to view any attempt by them to sell their stuff with laughter due to the way that they inevitably let politics ruin the product. Most notably was when they tried to launch a line of action figures: instead of figures people wanted, we received instead (because the creators who wanted toys of figures THEY wanted, not figures that paying customers wanted), resulting in a wave of Phil Ken Sebben, a Bear, Master Shake, and MC Pee Pants figures no one bought, killing the entire toy line as a result.
The network instead has had most of its luck with hats and clothing based on "Aqua Teen Hunger Force". The people who consciously purchase this garbage are mainly post-gothic community college fags who eat at IHOP at 2:00 AM daily and speak and laugh at at least 100 decibels, perhaps under the impression that they are societal elites or even that someone enjoys or respects their unique™ and edgy humor.
[edit] Incarnations
Adult Swim has gone down more times than a 12 year old Taiwanese hooker. Constantly jumping the shark, it suffered most notably in the last six months when it lost the rights to Futurama and self-inflicted a gunshot wound to it's face by killing off 99% of its anime line-up. Only the new season of Venture Brothers has saved the network this year, as well as the kickback money Brendan Small is forced to pay Mike Lazzo out of his fortune via the Dethklok/Metalocalypse cash cow, as payment for Lazzo saving Small's career and sparing him from having to go back to his former job as an underpaid gay for pay bottom in porn movies.
[edit] No Moar Anime
Sometime in the middle of March Lulzy Adult Swim announced that they were finally pulling their "final solution" to the anime problem (because Lazzo and William Street are still pissed off that it was anime/Toonami and not their work on Space Ghost that got them their late night block), sparing only Inuyasha because they knew even die-hard anime nerds hate Inuyasha. Butthurt anime nerds and weeaboos bitched and moaned about how this was unfair, and a complete violation of their weekly scheduled masturbation times. As wrong as that was, Adult Swim's replacement programming (the Oblongs, Mission Hill, Squidbillies, and other shit programs) are so bad that they make you long for anime.
Adult Swim whined back that ratings was why they took anime off the network, saying it never pulled in the ratings. When fans complained back that Adult Swim never, EVER promoted or advertised anime, Mike Lazzo ran out of the room in a huff, screaming "I don't have to listen to facts and logic!!!!!". He then killed all anime on Saturday nights just to spite his critics, but to his shock and horror, ratings sank to new lows and was forced to bring it back, at least on Saturday. Conversely, this was the saem time that Adult Swim debuted the eagerly anticipated series "Death Note", which received zero promotion whatsoever by the network, because Lazzo decided to promote Assy McGee instead (seeing how Adult Swim ignorantly signed a contract requiring them to air ALL episodes of the series, before they even saw an episode of the series).
Since then Adult Swim has been failing miserably as far as ratings and advertizing deals are concerned, despite their usual non-specific "Ratings are up!" bumps denouncing critics. This is in part because people are starting to get sick and tired of "Family Guy" (now on twice a night for added burn-out!) and outside "Metalocalypse", Adult Swim hasn't had a hit show since "Robot Chicken" and "The Venture Brothers" hit the airwaves four and a half years ago. Many fans, even those who hate anime, consider this irrational hatred for the very thing that is the only reason why Adult Swim even exists, to be one of the major forms of cancer killing [AS].
[edit] Adult Swim Shows That Suck Major Ass
- Family Guy
- Robot Chicken kills more than 9000 pieces of plastic crap each episode. Still not enough to make up for the fail.
- Tom Goes To The Mayor
- Tim and Eric Awesome Show Great Job-Monstrously Gay and written by the same retarded faggot who made Tom Goes To The Mayor
- Death Note
- Squidbillies
- Inuyasha (unless you're a furry)
- The Brak Show
- The Big O(ring)
- Vegeta's Power Hour
- Pee-Wee's Playhouse
- Space Ghost, Coast to Coast
- Eureka Seven
- Frisky Dingo
- Assy McGee
- Bleach
- Saul of the Mole Men
- Stroker and Hoop
- Lucy: Daughter of the Devil
- Everything else
- Garth Marenghi's Darkplace.
- Metalocalypse
- Home Movies
- Futurama
- Sealab 2021
- Moral Orel
- 12 oz. Mouse
- Aqua Teen Hunger Force
- The Venture Bros
- Harvey Birdman.
[edit] Adult Swim shows that don't suck
- Commercials.
[edit] Excerpts
Basically every Adult Swim cartoon is available for viewing on youtube, accompanied by "lol, i luv that show, lol" comments.
'Course, since the videos have now been made public, they'll get deleted by a copyright claim eventually.
Well, would you look at that, they have.
[edit] Kitties
Now at Adultswim.com they have a section on Cats with hats on.The first one is photoshopped while others are just abused fat cats. The reason why they created this section is unknown. Most likely because they're retarded.
