Adolf Hitler
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
| Interesting Fact: This article contains an hero. |
Adolf Hitler was a German Jew who saw an opportunity for an easy rise to wealth in the growing but still small Nazi (National Socialist) party of Germany. His plan was simple - just put a socialist brand on what amounted to corporate fascism, and it was an easy sell to Germany! Meanwhile, he took up a plan to kill any other Jew who might catch onto his plan - be they bankers, lawyers, or even commies following the writings of Karl Marx - another allegedly antisemitic German Jew with a different, competing plan for global domination. Whether you admire him or not, you have to admit - Adolf Hitler sure did kill a lot of Jews.
During his dictatorial reign of Nazi Germany, Hitler exterminated somewhere around six million Jews in the Lolocaust. He also invented the Volkswagen and still holds the high score in IRL Risk. He broke new strategic ground with his Blitzkrieg tactics, which effectively meant that he was in your nation, killing your j00z. On the other hand, Hitler was also a sensitive man. When he was younger, Hitler went to art school. He was a vegetarian, a non-smoker, and also had a mustache. On the downside, he dropped out of art school, slept until three in the afternoon every day, and threw temper tantrums if you tried to wake him up.
World War II
In 1938 tensions were rising in Europe as in 1939, Hitler told the leader of Poland to give him Dunkirk and bend over or face war. Poland did not agree and a couple of German soldiers marched into and pwned Poland. After a few days, Russia joined in, because Stalin was a useless cunt who didn't have the balls to start a troll himself, but was always willing to kill his own guys and join in and try to take credit for someone else's ruin.
After Poland was pwned like the bitch it was, Hitler then went on to completely take out Denmark, Norway, Holland, and Belgium all in a couple of weeks. Earlier, in free time and for fun and profit, he decided to liberate Australia and cancel the Czechs, too. Finally, Hitler pwned France as the French just rolled over and took it in the ass. After France was subjugated, he sent Rudolf Hess to try to make peace with England where Hess was anally raped, he then tried to bomb England to surrender and invade Russia for the lulz, but this was unsuccessful. As the English are fucking insane and the Russians live in a freezing shithole, Hitler gave up and killed the Jews instead, as he didn't need to cross a channel or freeze his nuts off to get at the bastards.
Hitler's Final Act of Heroism
In 1944 the Allied troops invaded and pwned the Germans in France then they pressed forward toward Germany and in 1945 the Soviets surrounded Berlin and were looking to zerg rush on the Reichstag. Things were not looking good for our hero. Legend has it that Hitler decided that he'd rather die married than die gay. So he married his cousin (Eva Braun) and then committed suicide like the little emo bitch he was. In reality, being the angst-ridden man-child that he was, he killed himself ten days after his birthday because some of his friends didn't show up at his party at the YMCA. It also may have helped that the Russians were about one block away from where he was hiding, and they were hankerin' for a Hitler lynching. Unfortunately, he turned to an heroism before they could get to him.
Eventually the monstrous Russians descended on the rest of Berlin like a big smelly wall of rape and surprised every surviving man, woman, child, occasional retard covered in shit within a 50 mile radius. Seriously. In retaliation for his faggotry, Stalin made Hitler's skull into a jizz bowl. This is officially recognized as the high point in German history.
Heil Honey, I'm Home!
Around the year 1990 a couple of pre-internets trolls decided to create the greatest lulzfest ever seen at the time, a television show called Heil Honey, I'm Home!, which depicted the lives of Hitler and his bitch Eva in a 50's style sitcom, with the two of them living next door to a Jewish family, bringing in one of the lulziest situations evar as we all know what Hitler did to those poor fags. Sadly the show was canceled after the first episode when the Jews from the BBC network realized it was about Hitler in a good way and pulled it, never to see the light of day again, a minor revenge attempt at Hitler that failed miserably due to the future power of the internet. Another reason it was canceled was because the Jews didn't understand history and didn't realize that it was somewhat fact-based, though the only things that Jews think happened were that the world was created by Cthulhu and Hitler was apparently the devil.
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Part Two
Hitler and The Internets
Recently there has been a new unprecedented Internet obsession with Hitler. In the quest for trying to be different, 90's bred bipolar forums users turn to other subcultures to try and stand out. There are many Internet identities that claim to be the new Hitler, even though Satan would never bestow such an honor on some basement dweller. Neo-Nazis have also gained Internet access and have begun trying to lure these forlorn angst-ridden teens into a world of viking metal and saluting photos of dead guys.
Hitler is also one of the most talked about people on internet forums and message boards. No matter what the subject is, there is no doubt that Hitler's name will come up eventually in conversation OTI. It is also customary on the internet to post Hitler's likeness repeatedly as a sign of friendship and respect. In short, the internets <3 Hitler.
Hitler on JewTube
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FRESH FUHRER OF BEL-AIR
- IN BRAUNAU AUSTRIA BORN AND RAISED
- VIENNA WAS WHERE I SPENT MOST OF MY DAYS
- CHILLIN' OUT, MAXING, RELAXING ALL COOL
- AND THINKING OF WAYS TO ANNIHILATE THE JEWS
- WHEN A COUPLE OF KIKES
- WHO WERE UP TO NO GOOD
- STARTED RAISING LOANS IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD
- I SET UP ONE LITTLE CAMP AND RUSSIA GOT SCARED
- THEY SAID "IF YOU INVADE POLAND CAN WE AT LEAST SHARE?"
- I WHISTLED FOR MY CAR AND WHEN IT CAME NEAR
- THE LICENSE PLATE SAID "FUHRER" AND EVA BRAUN WAS IN THE REAR
- IN GERMANY FUCKING YOUR OWN COUSIN WAS RARE
- BUT I THOUGHT "NAH FORGET IT," YO HOME TO BERLIN!
- I CAUGHT MILLIONS OF JEWS, ABOUT 7 OR 8
- AND I YELLED TO HYMIES "YO HOLMES, SMELL YA LATER"
- I SHIPPED EM TO CAMPS, WHEN THEY WERE FINALLY THERE,
- I TOOK EM ALL OUT, WITH SOME GAS IN THE AIR.
It's My Nazi Party and I'll Cry If I Want To
- Nobody knows where my Adolph has gone
- Eva left the same time
- Why was he holding her hand
- When he's supposed to be mine
- It's my Nazi party, and I'll cry if I want to
- Cry if I want to, cry if I want to
- You would cry too if it happened to you
- Playin' my records, keep dancin' all night
- Leave me alone for a while
- 'Till Adolph's dancin' with me
- I've got no reason to smile
- It's my Nazi party, and I'll cry if I want to
- Cry if I want to, cry if I want to
- You would cry too if it happened to you
- Eva and Adolph just walked through the door
- Like a queen with her king
- Oh what a birthday surprise
- Eva's wearin' his ring
- It's my Nazi party, and I'll cry if I want to
- Cry if I want to, cry if I want to
- You would cry too if it happened to you
Adolf Hitler Fun Facts
- Hitler wasn't even German. He was Austrian, just like another famous murderer.
- Hitler served in the German army in WWI, and got pwned with phosgene gas by the Allies and spent months in a hospital.
- He was a vegetarian. Not out of principles but because he had horrible IBS and gastritis and his stomach couldn't handle meat (though his colon and lower intestine seemed to handle it just fine). He also had terrible breath and smelled bad.
- His dog was named "Blondi". Quiz your history teacher on that one!
- He actually wanted to become an artist.
- He painted houses before he became emo.
- He was addicted to meth and had syphilis, just like every other white supremacist.
- Hitler was the undisputed World Yo-yo Champion from 1939-1945.
- If Hitler had lived out his dream of becoming an artist, he would now have over 9,000 more pageviews than Snapesnogger.
- Hitler decided to start a little war just for the lulz.
- Following Hitler's definition of a Jew, Hitler was a Jew. He was literally 1/4 Jew! :D
- Hitler had but one testicle.
- Hitler was having a gay affair with one of his top guards before he died.
Hitler Spoof Videos
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List of Internet Nazism
Gallery
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See Also
- 卐
- 50 Hitler post
- Nazi
- Hitler: The Babe within
- Angry German Kid
- Mecha-Hitler
- Colonel Klink
- Holocaust Porn
- DevianTart Nazis
- Kitler
- David Icke
- Tranquility Bay
- Bureaucratic Fuck
- Emo
- Hal Turner
- W
- Saving The Internet
- Godwin's Law
- Six Degrees of Adolf Hitler
- Tom Cruise worked briefly for Adolphe Legalité, but failed it.
External Links
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Adolf Hitler is part of a series on Nazis. |
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