Counter-Strike
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Cunter-Strike is a Massively Multiplayer Online First Person Shooter mod for the hit online electronic computing internets machine game "Half-life" made many years ago.
It is aimed at brainless 13 year old boys and lifeless nerds who think it's cool, not knowing it's a secret recruiting tool for the special forces. Though of course no one can actually get into them, and real tools who can't distinguish between gaming and IRL bad ideas join the army. (Please note, if you're playing this game, you are gay. There is no hope, other than learning how to play better.)
Note: Requirements include being a fag and looking like Brian Peppers.
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Gameplay
In Cunter-Strike, you have the option of rolling between two factions, picking either the Terrorist and Cunter-Terrorist teams. The game map is a massive chat domain. On a side note, a player can choose a realm and start a PvP match. The objective of these mini-games is to annoy the players as much as possible while avoid getting shot. Several tactics to accomplish this include:
- Assuming anyone that manages to kill you is using cheat codes ("hax").
- AWP and watch the nerds rage.
- Being sure that you do always take the bomb, but never EVER plant it.
- Blatantly cheating by seeing through walls, auto-blow people's brains out, looking like a porn star model or anything remotely related to the game, then calling anyone who calls you on it a fag (see above).
- Calling people niggers every two seconds.
- Constantly moving infront of or blocking the movement of other players, best done by blocking their retreat from getting owned by the opposition.
- Get everyone to agree before the match that the losers must perform seppuku to restore their honor.
- Headshot (Be sure to piss yourself after accomplishing said Headshot))
- Initiating vote_bans on the first name you see in a crowded server, which everyone always votes yes to.
- Killing your teammates for the lulz. If friendly fire is off, try the Call of Duty 4 'nade/quick teamswitch on wounded groups of teammates. Requires perfect timing.
- Making in-game "sprays" out of random images in your pr0n collection, preferably of a large penis or fag. Goatse also works well.
- Playing for 16 hours a day, then ridiculing n00bs for not having the reflexes of a cyborg.
- Showing some actual skillz. This will so enrage the other players that it's likely you'll be kick/banned.
- Telling 8 year olds that F10 provides free head-sex.
- Use a flash-bang grenade to blind players just before they enter combat, making sure the other team is not blinded; using smoke grenades in front of awpers; HE-nading your teammates (a form of team-killing) if friendly fire is on. For quicker teamflashes, type in bind f "buy flashbang" in the command console before entering a game. This allows you to instantly buy flash grenades by simply pressing the f key instead of navigating the weapon menu. You can change the binding key as well as grenade type by altering this code.
Bonus points are awarded if you have access to a headset, since then you can annoy the fuck out of everyone with your prepubescent nasal whining. Also, you can simply hold down the talk button and play incredibly annoying music over the channel, or hold an electric razor to it. An even more effective way is to use the Half-Life Sound Selector (HLSS in short), a program that allows you to play annoying sound/music files from your collection over the mic with a touch of a button, without the need for a stereo-equipped iPod or even a headset. For even moar damage, type setinfo name "" in the command console before entering a server. This changes your username to "unconnected", which prevents you from being shown in the other players' mute menus. The first person to find something else to do rather than playing Cunter-Strike, wins.
A clan is a group of fags who get together to engage in annoying the crap out of every Cunter-Strike player possible, and only those elite members are any good at generating lulz. A good example of such fucktards are the members of -POS-, a hidden clan that employs a deadly combination of faggotry and win.
You may experience special people that yell and blab into the microphone during the game.
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Teams
The game has three teams: Terrorists, Cunter-Terrorists and Spectators. The Terrorists are the good guys, Cunter-Terrorists are the bad guys, and spectators are sad losers who are not only wasting their lives on the most boring game in existence, but aren't even PLAYING the damn game.
Terrorist Characters:
- Brian Peppers
- C-NOTE
- Charles Whitman (Biggest AWPer of all time)
- Cho Seung-Hui
- Dnepropetrovsk maniacs
- Dylan Klebold
- Eric Harris
- Goatse
- HACKERS ON STEROIDS
- Jews
- John Kerry
- John Walker Lindh
- Juba the Baghdad Sniper
- Kato
- Kevin "Rudkipz" Rudd
- Michael Moore
- Mujahideen
- Muslims
- Nghtmrchld26
- Niggers
- OG Loc
- Osama bin Laden
- Otoya Yamaguchi
- Pekka-Eric Auvinen
- Robert Hawkins
- Sand People
- Steven Kazmierczak
- The entire population of Syria
- Unabomber
Cunter-Terrorist Characters:
- Bill O'Reilly
- Billy Mays
- Chris Hansen
- Christians
- Christianhillbilly
- Cops
- Darth Cheney
- George W Bush
- Jesus
- Raptor Jesus
- John Howard
- Leeroy Jenkins
- Mario
- Mudkip
- Neo
- Sam Fisher
- Samuel L. Jackson
- The Man
- Your mom
Spectator Characters:
There's also a long list of secret characters that can be unlocked by collecting the Magic Rainbow Gems in a specific order (hint: Look under the mushrooms in the Twinkle Kingdom, level 3).
Sequels
Cunter-Strike: Open Source
The same as regular Cunter-Strike, but with the teams replaced with Microsoft and Nerds respectively. Linus Torvalds remains.
Oh, and the grenades do more than 6 damage.
Cunter-Strike: Low-Ping Server Edition
Let's you join even more of those servers that are really fast because the 6 people on them are Basement-dwellers talking really loudly or really quietly about their fictional girl problems while idly flying around the map in spectator mode.
Cunter-Strike: Source Source
This upcoming game will be the exact same Cunter-Strike, but with updated water graphics. Because we all know that updated water graphics are what the fans want bullets don't travel through 30 feet of solid concrete without loosing any ballistic force.
Weapons
There is only one weapon available in Cunter-Strike - the AWM/P, also known as the "fag gun", or "n00b gun" (see "Objectives"). Not even the BFG9000 has generated as much lulz in FPS deathmatch history. This makes it the obvious weapon of choice when playing Cunter-Strike. See below for moar details on it.
- Knife
- Ur mum (Weapon of ass destruction)
- USP .45 Tactical
- Glock 18
- Desert Eagle
- SIG P228
- Beretta 96G Dual Elites
- Five-seveN
- Benelli M3
- M1014
- MP5N
- Steyr TMP
- P90
- MAC-10
- UMP45
- Galil
- FAMAS
- AK-47
- SG 552
- M4A1
- Steyr AUG
- Steyr Scout
- Arctic Warfare Magnum
- G3SG/1
- SG 550 Sniper
- M249 Para
- Lee Enfield
The AWP
OH MY GOD YOU FUCKING FAGGOT STOP AWPING WE'LL BOOT YOU FAGGOT ASS FAG!!!!! I CAN'T HANDLE MY ANDROID-LIKE REFLEXES AND ABILITY TO HEADSHOT YOU FROM 300 FEET WITH A PISTOL BEING DEMOLISHED BY THE ONLY WEAPON THAT ANYONE ELSE IS ABLE TO GET ANY KILLS ON ME WITH!!!! I'M A FUCKING PERFECT VIRTUAL SOLDIER SO STOP HAVING ANY SORT OF ADVANTAGE OVER ME YOU FAGGY FAGGOT!!!!111111 (<--Moar CS fail)
The AWP is the most lulzy weapon in the game. Killing people with an AWP can make you a "AWP Whore", which is the source of faggotry. Accomplishing headshot with said AWP, will create a barrage of barrel rolls and said faggotry. If someone kills you while holding this weapon they are using hax, or cheatz.
The signs of an AWP user include:
- Faggot screaming in mic.
- Having an un-natural nature towards Columbine.
- Hearing a big ass shot from a gun.
- Once entering server, hearing the words "fucking hacker."
- Seeing the headshot icon on the upper right corner of the screen.
- User screaming "BOOM HEADSHOT," and "I OOOWWWWNN."
Common reactions include:
- "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!"
- "Fucking AWP Whores"
- "Please stop using that weapon, its so fuckin' overpowered, stop please." (5 Seconds later) "FUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!"
- "STUPID FUCKING FAGGOT STOP IT"
- "Why is the fucking AWP not RESETRICTED, like it should be."
- "YO NIGGA IS DAT A BAZOOKA?"
The amount of butthurt this weapon can potentially cause is epic, so it should be sought at every opportunity, then abused. The real mystery is why Cunter Strike is the only FPS game where anybody bitches when others use a 1-hit-kill weapon. Combat Arms has an awp of its own that's basically the same one as in Cunter Strike, yet nobody complains when you use it. The reason: Everyone who plays Cunter Strike is a whiny 13 year old boy with no social skills (and probably assburgers as well).
Nothing is safe from the AWP. In Cunter-Strike: Condition Zero, you blow up a jet fighter with an AWP. The AWP is srs fucking bizness!
Tactics
EITHER:
- Stand motionless in one spot and shoot people as they spawn ("Camping")
OR:
- Strafe aimlessly around in circles
OR:
OR:
- you can kill all players on the server by dividing by zero, OH SHI--
OR:
- spray a porn spray and kill everyone looking at it (including your teammates)
Anything else will be considered cheating. OR:
- As a cunter-terrorist kill all the hostages and then jump from a high building,works great if someone from your team is bringing the hostages back to the spawn.
Competitive Cunter-Strike
Competitive CS is a very admirable profession with several deep, profound layers to it. These layers are outlined below.
1. Always Blame the other players on your team- Arguably the most important part of being a true pro cs player, is the belief that you can do no wrong.
2. Raid Public Servers and Talk Shit- It doesn't matter how little experience the other players have, you MUST talk shit to random people on the internet. Several qualified experts have ruled that this egotistical behavior is a result of internet anonymity, while less-qualified but more likely correct experts have settled for the standard "they were molested by their parents" explanation.
3. The Other Team is always hacking- If your team loses at all, the obvious reason is that your opposition is hacking. Rage quit the server and find another scrim. Repeat this process until your clan dies.
Social Benefits
As mentioned earlier, Cunter-Strike is a covert government recruiting tool. One day, in the not-too-distant future, hordes of heavily-armed whiny 7-year old CS players will be air-dropped onto enemy positions, their random bursts of gunfire and cries of "camping fag" distracting the enemy long enough for the entire area to be bombed down to the bedrock. If any CS troops manage to survive, they will be set on fire and launched at the enemy via catapult.
Warrock
Warrock a poor nigra's version of cunterstrike. Only instead of just being a shooter, they made it an RPG, which makes it suck harder. See also the chat filter. Below are known filters of words/acronyms that are filtered:
WTF= WTH
NOOB= NOOBIE
FUCK= FARG
Play it for yourself and witness how this is even playable by 6 year olds.
Due to the constant updates every Wednesday, which don't do anything, and is a total fucking waste of time, a lot of faggots decided to move to Cunter-Strike because they want to land better headshots.
Tactics
AIM AND HOLD THE FUCKING BUTTON DOWN.
See also:
- AOL Speak
- C "is that a bazooka?" note
- FPS
- Lamer
- myg0t
- Natural Selection (game)
- Shit Video Games
- Steam
- YouTube War Expert
- Good description of every Cunter-Strike player, ever.
- HLSS - For all your voice annoy needs.
- Holla Holla Get Dolla.
- Loud Nigra
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