2 gryphon
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
| This article needs moar lulz. You can help by adding moar lulz. |
2_gryphon is an annoying, ranting gryphon who tries really hard to be edgy by spewing forth concepts that are very un-unique but in an offensive manner that bedazzles many furries. He's capable of stating things such as "it just hasn't been done right" about communism just like every other thirteen year old "rebel" out there, the difference being that he uses more lame similes to communicate the same stupid bullshit. Aside from ranting, he also makes horrible smut and lame music. 2 gryphon is a wanker, and so are his fans, who adore him above all other things in life. He regularly engages in drama in his very own LiveJournal. The story behind his name is that while dreaming about yiffing every one of his fans he saw the number 2, so he decided to name himself that. As retarded as that sounds, that is the actual story behind his name.
He is also "One of the George Carlins of the internet", apparently.
Contents |
Comedy; The 2Gryphon Style
Deciding on an unfortunate career choice, 2 can't come up with his thought provoking quips as fast as he does in his "rants". You can hear the clipping as he inserts choice clips in Windows' sound editor, then inserts some shitty fast paced "music" to make it sound like he's a fast talking, sharp witted internet tough guy. To no surprise, this method seems to garner the respect of impressionable fanboys. This also happens to be the exact same technique used by such professional comedian Carlos Mencia, and God damn does it show. 2 claims this technique has helped him become a master of his craft, but common knowledge dictates furries can't be funny unless they're being made fun of.
Try it yourself!
- Make an observation.
- Scream about it.
- Reword the previous observation.
- Scream about it again.
- Throw your arms about in a flailing motion.
- Scream previous observations again. Rewording optional.
- Make loud noise indicating frustration over said observation.
- ?????????
- FURRY CELEBRITY!
2 redefines the English language
Last Thursday, 2 made another shocking and edgy post to his LiveJournal stating "cops are assholes". Combining the traditions of LiveJournal and furries everywhere, this brave taking-a-stand and thought-provoking statement caused a shitstorm of controversy resulting in a second post by 2. This post called everyone who hadn't lined up to lick his sandy mangina for his godlike wit and intelligence "morons" and told them to "go to hell :)" because he had obviously not meant all cops, no matter what his previous sweeping statement said. According to 2, it's everyone else's fault that they acquired gigantic amounts of butthurt over his statement due to everyone assuming he meant all cops. He further proceeded to tell everyone that they had only misinterpreted his words of wisdom because his e-fame makes him the target of terrorists, and not because he's full of shit and incapable of expressing his thoughts in a coherent way because he's too busy jerking off to Sonic porn. Despite his readers pwning him on the fact that he fails at life, 2 continued to valiantly defend his right to be a complete fucktard by saying that his way of English is the right way because of his learnings.
In other news, Merriam-Webster considered hiring 2 to make a tour teaching the world the proper way to use English, but they withdrew the offer when they learned he was pulling disability checks for the debilitating condition of talking out of his ass.
 "BAWWWWW NOBODY UNDERSTANDS ME" |
 autarchicflux explains How English Works... |
||
 In flies thedisgrace for the pwn! |
 "I REFUSE TO TALK LIKE A HUMAN BEING BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE TOO STUPID TO UNDERSTAND ANYWAY." |
 thedisgrace tries again to use Earth logic and tells 2 that he's asking for it. |
 "YOU ARE WRONG. I KNOW BECAUSE OF MY LEARNINGS. NOBODY UNDERSTANDS MEEEEEEE." |
2 Is Very Politically Conscious
One of 2's more famous hilarious rants is an epic dissection of "Why The World Hates America". In this most biting of satire, 2 is the very first person to point out that the uneducated masses and the then presidential administration is the reason the world frowns upon the most beloved of Yankee antics. With all the insight of Bill Hicks and cunning with of Lenny Bruce, 2's stunning denouncement of the facist Amerifag power structure secured him as a brilliant figurehead amongst furries worldwide.
Immediately after this epic pwn of the capitalist pigs, 2 went sulking to the Department of Human Services and begged them for food stamps, as apparently the life of a genius political revolutionary is a thankless and simple life. But 2 would not sell out to the man so easily, and made it very clear that he would take the government stiflings, but he would also be an utter cuntrag about it. After securing his stolen WIC checks, he ran home to blog about the horrifying ordeal to his unwashed masses, detailing the oppression of someone that dared asked him if he could stop his incessant brooding long enough to fill out an application. The terrifying experience behind him, 2 continued his mission of informing the world that America's problems are all because of Republicans as he lives as a leach off the governments teat, all while refusing to get a job so he can hang around forty year old men talking about cartoons all day.
2 Gets Posioned!!!
While performing at a convention in 2008, 2 claims he was slipped something in a drink given to him by a passerby. After ingesting the substance, 2 began to panic and immediately called the authorities. 2 maintains his blood alcohol level was way above what's generally considered fatal and that it was amazing he survived what was such a blatant attack on the visionary's life. He raged and threatened violence against those that had such callous disregard for his well being and promised swift revenge for an "attack" that was tanamount to him not being able to handle his liquor like a man and promptly screaming about an assassination attempt on him, though in all actuality someone drugging him an/or the audience may have been the only way for anyone to find 2 funny at all. The ordeal did actually bring one incredibly rare moment of hilarity for 2, however, as he blamed the incident on the furry fandom being overrun by gays and ravers; more than 80% of his beloved community. Needless to say, bricks were shat by indignant furries that had once championed 2 as a siren of counter culture.
Despite being so adamantly against what he sees as "furry drama", this incident made him the perfect example of it. Not only did 2 contrive a conspiracy against him from a non-happenstance, he then ducked out claiming to be the better man/unaffected by it (did it for the lulz, right?) all while his little faggot fanbase and cadre demands blood over it.
Versus Portal of Evil
Eventually 2 filled his website with enough inane bullshit that he ended up indexed on Portal of Evil. As he is a furfag, and furfags tend to over analyze shit to be offended over, 2 theorized that the website is made by Christians to grip about "evil, un-Christian shit". Insisting that he was being attacked by religious fanatics, he spends several minutes talking about how that because his website became the target of PC fanatics that this was somehow an accomplishment and that he was an awesome, mind blowing rebel being singled out by those dedicated to silencing him. In what should come as no surprise to anyone, 2 had no idea what the fuck he was whining about, as people who don't have their head consistently up their own ass to smell the delicious aroma of their own shit know that Portal of Evil was pretty much the web 1.0 version of Encyclopedia Dramatica. Much to 2's blissful ignorance, no poster on the site actually thinks 2 or his rambling bullshit was evil, they were just pointing and laughing at his faggotry.
Rather than actually browse the site in question before making a judgement, 2 took twice the amount of time and instead complained about the Christfag onslaught while trying his damnedest to crack boring quips he believed to be hilarious jokes, which may be heard here.
Insisting that people continuously checked out his website because they are closet furries themselves while peppering his shitty rebuttal with hilariously offensive imagery, 2 goes on for about 8 minutes totally pwnving teh Christfagz! that were never there to begin with.
| —Portal of Evil, totally convinced that 2 is omg evil!!1!!1! |
Facts about 2 Gryphon
- Claims to be "in it for the fans, not the fame" even though he's merely internet famous - if that - among the shunned and ridiculed outcasts of society.
- Posts racist furry cartoons on his LiveJournal.
- Is a vorephile, and has shaved his head so he can be swallowed more easily by fat, 52 year old Vietnamese men.
Classic 2 Quotes
Link
- 2 the Ranting Gryphon on WikiFur
- From those furry fellows on CYD
- Ranting Gryphon Web Site To get a better idea of this furfag, listen to the Yiffing rant.
 |
2 gryphon is part of a series on Furfaggotry |
| Visit the Furfaggotry Portal for complete coverage. |
